Hi again, Steph.
I had a lot to say, so that's why it took so long for me to reply. Thanks for your patience!
You made the right decision in not seeing her anymore. Typically, therapists may 'suggest' something or have you explore different routes, according to your situations, but they will rarely say 'definitely' do this and don't do that. They may 'imply', 'I don't think this is the right time to do that', as their advice, but they will rarely tell you to definitely do or not do something, unless it will be harmful to you or others. In fact, sometimes, when we want 'direct' guidance and want a therapist to say, yes, definitely do that, it's a good idea, they won't, but 'hedge' around the issue, causing you to make up your own mind.
I think most of the things she said to you were inappropriate. She's saying things assuming Perry does not have a disorder, when she knows he does. I agree with the emotional overload idea, but that's about it.
Why do you say Louie doesn't love you? You said you've been with him for all these years and might consider staying with him. I know you're very conflicted right now, but I wouldn't advise making any definite decisions at this time. You know you have to wait to see how everything comes out with the settlement, etc., and you have to see if Louie loses his job or keeps it. I was thinking; if they fire him, can HE also sue for sexual harassment by his boss? Ok, he didn't discourage her, but she did sexually harass him, and SHE'S sleeping with her boss, you told me. I mean, you could crack this entire organization open with all this information. I'm sure you've already mentioned these things to your lawyer--well, of course he knows about Louie and his boss and the texts, etc.--does he also know she is sleeping with her boss? I'm assuming you told him.
As I said in the past, the therapist has some nerve telling you you're a bad mother. Kayla is away at school living her own college life, but of course she'll always need her mother, and you've always been devoted to her and all her activities. Look how much you did last year for her senior year stuff and you were involved with everything she participated in, especially the cheerleading.
I know how difficult it is for you to face the fact that Perry is not communicating with you now, but I think for right now, you should not concentrate on that and devote all your efforts/attention to the other important things affecting your life. I do not feel that you and Perry will never speak again, however, if/when you do, you realize you will only be friends, as you were before, and nothing else, due to his disorder and the fact that he doesn't think like other men. I think you will go back to your friendship where you communicate here and there and catch up with each others' lives.
Perhaps going there was a mistake and all this wouldn't have happened if you didn't visit; BUT (big 'but'), after all the phone sex, etc., he wanted you to come there as much as you wanted to go. How were either of you to know something like this would be the result? You had no way of knowing, but now that you know he has a disorder, it's the reason he can't handle what happened. In a way you can't fault him, because he can't control it, even though I know his aftions are very hurtful to you. You may have come on a little strong, but that's the way you've always acted with him and he needed your leadership, since he wasn't doing the leading. He was afraid and unsure of himself. I think you're right--he didn't have this kind of stress from the ex because he didn't love her. You cannot compare how he felt about her with how he feels about you--that's why you make him nervous--it's a 'new' situation and he doesn't know how to handle it. I told you, he does nothing because he doesn't know what to do. I don't think you can expect anymore than a friendship with him and eventually, you will get back to that friendship, but it might take a while.
Find another therapist (a woman) and test out the waters. If you don't like someone, you can always choose another one, until you feel comfortable.
Please remember to rate my answer so I get credit. Thanks!