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Mr. Gregory White
Mr. Gregory White, Teacher
Category: General
Satisfied Customers: 5240
Experience:  M.A., M.S. Education / Educational Administration
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My friends and I have been planning a bridal shower, which

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My friends and I have been planning a bridal shower, which is taking place this weekend, for our friend who got engaged this spring. We knew the couple was planning to have an elopement or small wedding so we wanted to host a friends and family, mostly women, gathering for her. The couple eloped last month so the bridal shower will actually be taking place after their wedding.

My friend and I put together the invitations for the shower. At the time before the invitations went out, early May, I emailed the bride encouraging her to consider registering for their wedding, even if her wedding would be a non-traditional one without any/many guests. My husband and I were married just a few months before and found that, even for folks who wouldn't be attending our small wedding, many reached out expressing that they wanted to get us a gift. We did not universally send out the registry link to all invitees or friends, just those who asked for it. So I encouraged her to think about it. I heard back from a mutual friend that she'd decided not to register at that point.

I received an email last night, 5 days before the shower, from the bride's close friend. The email stated that, even though they weren't going to originally register, that the bride and groom had received requests for a gift registry, and had created one recently.

I feel obligated to buy her a present now. I am trying to self-assess and decide if it's sour grapes on my part that the bride didn't register back in the spring when I had suggested it to her. However, I still wonder if this is bad etiquette to have a friend send out your registry link within a week of your bridal shower.
Hello, my name is XXXXX XXXXX I am happy to try to help today.

This is a tough personal decision on your part in relation to this gift. It sounds like you care about this friend and, despite the type of wedding decision they have made, are trying to make it is nice as possible for her.

Your work and dedication in planning the shower is your "main" present in this case. Most likely she would not even notice if there was not a specific "present" from you in this case.

That being said, I would still recommend at least either 1) giving her a small gift or 2) asking another friend to split a gift option with you. In this way you will be sure to prevent any possible hard feelings, or regret on your part, down the road.

We often act in the moment and, I can tell, that her not taking your advice on the registry in the spring has upset you. However, if you step back and look from the outside, I do not think she did it to spite you and most likely just ended up giving in to another friend who kept pressuring her to do it.

You are being a real friend in this case and I know whatever decision you end up making will be the best one for you.

I wish you all the best and I hope the bridal shower is a hit!

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