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Hi, you have answered my questions

before, so far it's been...
Hi, you have answered my questions before, so far it's been good. I started going out with Luc, he is someone I went out briefly, but I knew we were just hooking up because I knew he wasn't at that place. Somehow in the beginning of the year while I was dating another guy he and hung out as friends and something sparked. We started hooking up (at least I didn't want any commitment) but then we spent all this time together and suddenly I we were together, he asked to be exclusive and calls me his girlfriend, even to his kids . But this weekend we had a fight, which was that he 40, has two little girls who I adore (who I have met) and he stated that he will not get married ever or have kids. I know this, I know this.. but it was brought up when I told him he hurt my feelings by still having a dating profile site, which he apologized for, he says he doesn't respond he just like having it since he divorce his wife made him feel empty. But since then I am freaking out, I don't know if I am spinning or if were okay. I saw him last on Monday morning when he dropped me off at the station. I sent him text messages and phone calls, none of which asked for him to call me back.. but I am worried. I have been praying to get a sign that were okay, without scaring him away. I know he knows I am insecure but I don't want to end things with him. I know were in different places, but I honestly don't know about the kids thing, I am 34 and I love kids but don't know if I want to go thru giving birth and raising a baby right now... I just want some sign that were okay or if the reason hasn't called me is he contemplating breaking up.. We even have a trip to Yosemite next weekend... I want to go with him... Help, honest truth would help. Thanks.  BTW it's kinda ironic since when we last spoke, you told me as soon as i was comfortable by myself, which is where I was when we started hanging out, I felt I was there, don't need anyone just wanna have and he appeared... then suddenly he wanted more.  Now I feel he is backing away.
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Answered in 21 minutes by:
3/14/2012
pdheslin
pdheslin, Consultant
Category: General
Satisfied Customers: 2,635
Experience: 20+ years of internet site creation and search engine optimization. Dozens of search tools at my disposal.
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Thank you for requesting me, I appreciate it.

I drew a card for advice and recevied the 10 of Wands:

graphic


Wands represent the metaphysical element of Fire and symbolize our passion, action and growth. 10 is the numerological energy of fulfillment, achievement, and graduation.

This is the classic "taking on too much of other people's issues" card. It's the classic, "oops you crossed a boundary and stepped on my foot because you were so concerend with your own load, you didn't see mine" card.

Your relationship with Luc is outside of the norm of relationships who are on a journey towards a destination: permanant couplehood. You have this non-standard relationship, with non-standard methods of showing attachment to one another. Regardless of where the relationship is headed or not headed, you still have the need to feel security and do NOT apologize for that. We're wired for it. No amount of reading Melody Beatty can change what we are neurologically wired to seek out.

The dating profile is a threat to that security. He asked to be exclusive, that means you' take yourself "off the market". If it's a "screw you" message to his ex-wife, than that's rather childish and he needs find other more effective ways to deal with his resentment towards the ex. If he cares about you, and your sensitivities, and wants you to feel comfortable taking yourself "off the market" he needs to remove the dating profile. It doesn't matter that he says he'll never get married again. That has nothing to do with today, right now, right here, with you.

So what's the solution? Look at the card. The guy in the card has taken on so many wands that he can't even see where he's going. They are other people's wands, and his own. He needs to drop the other people's wands and pay attention to his own wands first. Pay attention to your needs. Dont' apologize for wanting to feel connected, wanting to feel exclusive and don't worry about babies, marriage, etc. That's off the table now, not up for discussion. This is pure "what does exlusive mean, anyway?" conversation.

I'm getting that the "fight" came from HOW it was discussed, not WHAT was discussed.

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Customer reply replied 6 years ago
Well, when we had this talk it was Saturday night, I told him I just didn't think it was respectful and he apologized for hurting my feelings. The next day I asked him if I was still his girlfriend, he seemed annoyed and said of course we are. We have stated were not sleeping with other people, in fact sometimes I don't like it when girls flirt him, but I take it in stride because its online and it keeps stating he is with me. He has dated other girls in the past but right now I just feeling scared that it over before we have a chance to explore our companionship. I guess the simplest question I am asking is it .. are we still together, is he avoiding me. Last week I took care of him because he hurt his back and didnt go to work, this Monday he started work again and he wasn't completely healed, but maybe we spent too much time together, which I know can happen... So are we still together that I need to give him his space or should I be concerned and cancel my Yosemite trip... Sorry I am all over the place.
You are still together as a couple :)
You are way overthinking it. That's you up on that card above, pushing all those wands around. Drop some of the wands, this is why you are so all over the place, and let him have his space.
No don't cancel the Yosemite trip.

In short, said with love, you're over-reacting. All is well with your relationship :)
pdheslin
pdheslin, Consultant
Category: General
Satisfied Customers: 2,635
Experience: 20+ years of internet site creation and search engine optimization. Dozens of search tools at my disposal.
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pdheslin and 87 other General Specialists are ready to help you
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Customer reply replied 6 years ago
THANK YOU!!!! Seriously.. :) After I read you answer and reread.. your so right. Much appreciated!!!!!
I'm so happy to help!!!!!!
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