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I have been married for 28 years and I love my wife very much.

We used to have an...
I have been married for 28 years and I love my wife very much. We used to have an active passionate and adventurous sex life. My wife is going through the menopause and our sex life has stopped. Dead. We still cuddle and hold each other close. I thought that the menopause was a short phase women went through and I hear in the press of older citizens having a fantastic sex life. In my life and relationship this is not the case!! I now hear that the menopause can last 10 years - hot sweats, mood swings etc. I love her very much, its just at 55 I feel I am too young not too have sex anymore. She is my soul mate and I would never ever hurt her, but love and sex are related, or at least they have been all my adult life... Rob (UK)
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Answered in 17 minutes by:
3/7/2012
drshs
Category: General
Satisfied Customers: 1,673
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Dr. Shirley Schaye :


Thank you for contacting Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about your problem. But, oh, so common a problem for menopausal women. Many women take hormones and then experience no sexual problems. With all the controversy around hormone replacement therapy and it's connection to cancer, I would not recommend this route. Over the years, I have had countless numbers of menopausal women with the issue you present. I have also had a male patient with Kleinfelter's syndrome --- 32 year old who had the same problem --- of no sexual interest. Just to briefly describe Kleinfelter's --- it is when a man has 2 X chromosomes and one Y, instead of one X and one Y. This is genetic, so there is nothing that you can analyze --- it is not psychological. What I suggested to this man to do is even though he has zero sexual desire, he should try by having his wife do enough foreplay on him so that he has an erection. He did this, had an erection but felt nothing during the foreplay. This man has thanked me profusely because he now enjoys a sex life with his wife. So, to cut this long story short, when the menopausal problem came up, I thought why not try this with women but, of course, with differences--- a woman doesn't need an erection. So here's what I recommended and it works! Because menopausal woman are dry, I have recommended that they purchase lubriderm lotion, or some lubricant to apply to their vagina's before having sex. No, they do not feel turned on. Foreplay didn't help much but when they allowed their husbands to insert their penis's into their vagina's that helped and they were able to have orgasms. So basically, what I am saying is she won't feel, pardon my crassness, hot and horny, the way one does pre-menopausally but one could still enjoy orgasms even though the excited pre-turn-on is no longer there. So maybe you can explain this to her. That the issue now is she won't on her own get turned on but if she tries what I am suggesting the two of you can still enjoy a sex life.


Customer:

Thxs Dr. So I need to persuade my wife to try with some lubriderm lotion. She wont feel turned on like in the past precoitally but that if we were to have sex then

Customer:

she would have a nice time. Ok we will give this a try!

Customer:

Thxs for your advice Rob (UK)

drshs
Category: General
Satisfied Customers: 1,673
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drshs and 87 other General Specialists are ready to help you
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Yes, believe me, trust me, it is not uncommon for a menopausal woman to not feel turned on but if she uses a lubricant, she won't be dry and then you will be able to have sex and she will be able to orgasm.

I wish you well!!!!
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I know you didn't like the Kleinfelter's example but I wanted you to know that that's how I got to suggesting this to women. If it worked for a man, it for sure would work for a woman because, as I said, a woman doesn't need an erection to have sex.
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amigaloca
Category: General
Satisfied Customers: 0
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I suggest a lot of romance and foreplay. Touching the right areas can really arouse a female

Areas are breast and nipples, behind the ear and inner thigh area. Lots of caressing, dirty talk, candles, lube will help. You may try investing in a vibrator to help get her in the mood. If you are not against porn some tasteful porn will help. But just be patient. This too shall pass. It just takes takes time. But try some good ole fashion romance. Buy her some sexy lingerie to help her feel sexy. Try role playing. Try different things to spice up your sex life. Someone maybe you've never tried before but have thought about it. Nothing that will make either of your feel uncomfortable. It's hard to have sex when uncomfortable. Rubbing her feet is a nice touch as well. If I have helped please accept my answer. If you have more questions please write back to me. But give some of this a try.

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If you like my answer please click accept button. If you don't see answer button you may have to send just answer an email asking the to pay me, Leigh Hockett. If you need additional answers I would be glad to help. Thanks
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