I am a 55 yr old divorced Mother of 4 ( ages 30,29,27,24) I…

I am a 55 yr old divorced Mother of 4 ( ages 30,29,27,24) I also have a lovely grand-daughter aged 5. I have though made huge mistakes in my life.
My childhood was unhappy ( I am the eldest of 7) and though I loved my Dad he was a violent alcoholic who beat us and my Mother but she also did the same, plus the fact there
was never any money sometimes not enough food either, my Mum was hopeless with money and still is.All my family drink heavily ( 1 is an alcoholic) except for me and I have always felt different from them.So I was determined to give my children a different life, except it hasn't worked out that way.My first marriage was a disaster and my eldest daughter is from that relationship..he was also violent but I left and lived in a womens refuge, met my second husband at work whilst I was pregnant with my first child.He seemed loving and kind and for a while we were very happy, we didn't have any money and either side of the parents there wasn't any help but we got through.
Roll the years on and Imademistakes with borrowing money to furnish the house and to send my 2 eldest to private schools, but my husband didn't know I had done this.I was paying the money back but slipped a disc and couldn't continue to pay the loan, I had to tell my then husband, things weren't going exactly well before that now they became worse.My ex wouldn't touch me ,talk to me , he sat in another room , he just switched me off, no matter what I said or did he wasn't interested, my son had to leave the private school which he had only just got used to and go to the local comp where he played up and left without any qualifications at all. He and my ex argued constantly , my husband wanted him to leave ( my son was only 16) but he was horrendous to me..said I was a whore and he was going to punch my head in etc etc I tried to reason with both ex and son , by then I was working at night in the hospital to repay the loan and to buy
nice treats and presents for the children because my ex husband would not.It was a battlefield day and night.Then my son stormed off after an arguement was later arrested for burglary and theft, my ex wouldn't visit him,talk to him and didn't want him back in the house.Christmas was spent with my son downstairs and the ex upstairs. To cut a long story short, I am now divorced , the house which was in a terrible state of repair had to be sold. I did try to buy another house and my youngest daughter helped me pay the mortgage but it became too much with bills and keeping the youngest son in college.
So here I am now in the eldest daughter's spare room working in a low paid job and all four of my children do nothing but argue.The eldest daughter is not happy with her partner, the second daughter is not happy because she doesn't have a boyfriend and the previous boyfriend cheated on her , the youngest son has quit Uni twice now and is unemployed and moody, the eldest son who has the beautiful grandchild is in a low paid job, has split from his girlfriend (mother of his child) smokes weed every day, is inpatient with his own child, is moody ,miserable constantly after money and still has a foul mouth to me and to his sisters' (one in particular is very good to him but he has never even taken her out to lunch when he has had money).I support them all I am always there for them , I love my granddaughter and take her out whenever I can.I wanted them all to have decent education and jobs they enjoy but it has not worked out that way.
Their Father only sees them once every month/2 months ..they don't know where he lives or where he works..he never answers the 'phone.Even when my eldest son was threatening suicide he didn't phone back to find out how he was.And that is one of the reasons I am writing to you , I don't know how to help them.I have apologised for the mistakes I made in their childhood ( the private schooling was not a good idea)..my son said it affected him the way my relationship was with the ex husband..the ex doesn't want to meet his granddaughter as he likes to talk politics and about famous murders
things of that nature..he sees them for about 1 hour or so the he is gone.
Last time they met my son was crying and said he could kill his father for what he has put him through and because he obviously sees it as another rejection because his father doesn't want to see his child.
Nothing has worked out ..it seems complete crap.. I have suggested to my son to discuss his feelings with a counsellor and to get help with the weed addiction but he hasn't.
He is like a black cloud ..I love him completely but I have no idea how to move forward.
I get along with all my other children and they say I have been a good mother but it doesn't feel that way..I have no money to leave them or family home and I know they envy other people with their Mums and Dads ..especially my son. The youngest son just accepts his father the way he is and sees him if he wants to.
Any help would be good, thank you