denise, i really need help, my daughter just packed her stuff…

Well, legally (and I am not giving legal advice, just making an observation of course).......you probably have full custody of her and your ex has visitation. What if you reminded your ex of this situation? The courts do not view this kind of stuff favorably. She cannot just choose where she wants to live....she is a minor. Of course, there are issues you need to work out with your daughter; however getting her back under your roof is the first thing.

However, I want you to think long and hard about the "out of the blue" thing.......does she feel she is "rebelling" against you over a recent situation? I mean, I am wondering why she has decided to do this when she has never had a great relationship with her father, right? If she feels she is being a "rebel" then you can't really do much of anything if your ex refuses to cooperate with you regarding that fact that you have custody. Or is this his weekend to have her? If it is it is more promising in that she is pulling a teenage anger "I am going to show you" act.

Also, based on the court papers, you have the right to involve the authorities. If you are the chief custodial parent then she can be forced to return.

Okay, I know that this is very upsetting being a mother and having your dear daughter do this. But I see this as teenage rebellion, I do NOT think she is involved in anything bizarre. There could be drugs involved, but that is a teen issue, so it is not unheard of.....(of course I am not condoning it) but that is all I see. Of course if you suspect she is on hard drugs, then that is something else. I am just thinking of alcohol and marijuana, though of course you don't want her engaging in that. She thinks she will have more freedom with your ex, and gee, this is the beginning of a new school year right around the corner so I feel that is some of her motivation.

So let's see what the cards say......

How long will she stay away from home?

The Nine of Wands, Upright. She knows this is pressing your buttons, she is right, but she doesn't want to be with her father. I see communication between both of you as coming very swiftly. She feels that her freedom is being inhibited, but oh well. This card indicates, as Nines do, that she is trying to assert herself to you, and this will come to a head quickly. Take a deep breath, mom, and try to discuss with her how she feels she is being mistreated at home. Play psychotherapist. She doesn't want to be with her father, she wants to return home, but she wants some mild indication from you that you are willing to listen. I would say within a week this will be resolved or major movement will occur.

The Seven of Swords, Upright. Now this card is here for a reason. If you do not try to at least act like you want to understand her perspective, things can have the potential to intensify and she will act out more. Ask her to speak with you about why she is troubled, even if you have to count to ten five times before doing so. She is doing this to get your attention. There is no occult or strange things going on. This kind of stuff happens very frequently.

But you see, the cards are saying.......speak with her as an equal, even if you have to play a role for this, but she wants your respect and understanding. If you do not give that to her she will continue to stay with your ex, and Lord knows what will happen. Say you miss her. Teenagers act out in very similar ways to when they were toddlers. If they felt they were not heard as toddlers, they become very rebellious teenagers. Nip it in the bud now and surprise her by not giving her negative reinforcement.

Will she be safe with your ex?

The Three of Wands, Upright. Yes, but I do not see her wanting to really be with your ex for very long. She knows him and his past. She will not stay with him if you tell her that you miss her dearly (no hostility, that is what she wants to see from you) and that could she please come home so you can speak with her about what is troubling her. She wants her mother. There is an old saying "The most frequent word heard on the battlefield is "Mother"........she wants your reassurance, my friend. The way to alienate her is to get aggressive. Even if this takes a bout of deep meditation on your part before speaking with her, you need to show her that you are missing her deeply, not that she is a nasty girl who is a rebel without a pause.........because then you would just be feeding into her desire to see you angry.

So if you approach her as a mother, I see a very fast reconciliation. If every conversation turns into an argument, then she will want to be more rigid and stay with your ex to spite you.

Blessings,

Denise