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Martin, Engineer
Category: General
Satisfied Customers: 4944
Experience:  i'm 41 and i never stopped studying and experimenting
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I could not find the answers/advice in the Bible that I am

Customer Question

I could not find the answers/advice in the Bible that I am looking for. I know all of the answers are there but sometimes I don't know where to find them. I found bits and pieces but not enough to compose a letter to my friend.
My friend (Mel) is 45 years old and is difficult to talk to about God and Jesus and many events of the Bible that surely took place. He has never been married, or even had a girlfriend that I know of. He is discouraged with our government. He doubts anything and everything. He has no hope and welcomes the idea of leaving this world before his time has come. He was raised by religiously fanatical parents and I think that turned him off a bit. He feels there is nothing here for him and he's a bit tired of just surviving and living day to day. I offer to him scientific explainations of many of the events that took place during biblical times but he continues to believe it is all fabricated stories that were designed to fool or mislead mankind. I tell him about John 1, Ephesians 2:8, Romans 7, 2nd Peter 2, all of James and Ecclesiastes, Matthew 26, Genesis, Revelations, Corinthians, Exodus, and others, but he only finds fault and does not listen. He is a good man that is never in trouble with the law or on the job. He is bitter about life and hope. I am probably his best friend and he enjoys talking to me, even though our opinions differ in many ways. He tells me to prove to him that there really is a God and I tell him to prove to me that there is not a God. It pains me to see him turn his back to God especially when I know that God IS in him and somehow, some way he knows this but will not admit it.
How do I tell him 2 Peter 2:21
21 It would have been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than to have known it and then to turn their backs on the sacred command that was passed on to them.
How do I reach him without further alienating him from the real truth??? He is my friend! I'm not a "religious nut" and I don't even go to church but I spend much time reading my bibles and looking for the answers which always bring tears of joy and hope. The light does shine upon my darkness and I continue to understand the nature of that darkness.
XXXXX XXXXX [email protected]
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: General
Expert:  Martin replied 6 years ago.
Hello, welcome to Just Answer.

I don't think you will help this friend with the bible, at least not in the short term. He seem a bit hermit and very logical minded. The only way you can help is to have him tell you his more secret dreams, the one he wants the most but isolate himself from them because he think they are impossible. Usually an individual shape is dream as a kid and is not really happy in life until he at least try really hard to make some of them happen.

Once you have that information, use his own logic on him. Make him understand he have no hope that God or the government will help him so he must build bridge with close fiend and use himself as the tool to reach those dreams. Use his pride against him. Hope is a dangerous concept when you think you don't have to do any effort.

You need to get him to pick momentum in any project and never stop. He might be a big procrastinator, if so work with him on killing that bad habit. Even if he tell you his dreams are impossible to reach, tell him that it's the travel that is important and interesting, not the destination. Make him understand that in failure is the best source of informations and information is the key to success.
Martin and 47 other General Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

Thank you for your reply. I do not believe that building a better bridge will help. He is not likely to cross that bridge and reveal to me the drreams if any that he has. He has no desire to cross over and even consider what is waiting on the other side. He is too incapsulated within his on ideas and thoughts and opinions. I do use his own pride against him so that he may see how rediculus his perceptions sometimes are. Sometimes I show him a word from the dictionary that I think has a good definition and if it is a word that he has never heard of, he says that it is not a real word. He says it's a fabricated or just a word that someone made up because he has never heard of it before. How can I deal with that sort of close-minded thinking? He knows it is the journey and not the destination that is the best part but he doesn't even like the journey.

I was hoping you could tell me how to open his eyes to the good and hopeful things that are all around him. How I can find a prayer that will be an enlightenment, a foothold of some sort that will open his eyes and make him turn in a direction that will lead him out of the abyss he is falling into. I see his largest sin as turning away from God and all of the good things that are within his reach. He does not seek God nor the lifelines that will surly bring him about. I do not think I can talk him into turning his eyes toward the good things which are all around him. I have to figure out a way to force him in the right direction because he is not easily led. Words are my only ammunition but my words do not penetrate his defence. Is prayer the only power I can exercise over him.


Mike M

Expert:  Martin replied 6 years ago.
Mike, some also just like to be grumpy (like this well known Smurf) but it's also possible that he currently suffer depression (if he was not always like that). I am not a doctor but i once read that a lack of testosterone in men can cause such behavior (as you mention he have no drive toward women it might be a cause).

Don't do like him thinking he will not open to you, he accept to see you and to talk to you, that is the hardest part. You don't need to be direct with him, you may talk about you to him and then ask him how it compare to himself, from time to time you may get a glimpse to his hidden wish (he can't be sad about life and the world without having an idealized view of the world inside him to compare, this view is his dreams).

You can pray and you can force him into action. For example you can start a project by yourself or do a sport, community work and ask him to join from time to time. If he is not violent when drunk, you can take him with beers around a camp fire (this open everybody like a book usually).

It's really good of you to try to help him, but at one point you can bring the horse to the fountain but can't force him to drink. I hope you won't be depress yourself if bringing him up to life fail. At least you really identified the solution: making him see all of the good things that are within his reach. Even if nothing of what you do seem to have an effect, it's perhaps just him not wanting you to know you made progress, inside him i sure think he appreciate the effort you are putting on him. You and him remind me of Ricky Gervais and Karl Pilkington in that TV show: link (Ricky send his grumpy friend on trips, literally to discover the "wonders" of the world and get out of his closed mind and comfort zone)
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thank you for your words! I myself suffer from depression and I've been having much problems with it lately. Maybe that is why I feel the sudden need to "fix" my friend before he is further consumed by the same monster that has a grip on me. Through medication and the good words of the Bible, I have not yet allowed it to whip me. I slowly but surly see him losing the battle with the "monster" that lives in him. I see him losing hope and it disturbs me greatly. I do not think he even sees the beast that is devouring him and that is a terrible feeling I have regarding my friend. He never goes out of his house except to go to work.He does not drink or do any drugs. Maybe I can get him, and myself to get more active in the community. Something like feeding and socializing with the homeless. Something that will give him (and myself) a feeling of doing good and making a difference in someone else's life. The therapeutic value of one troubled person helping another is unparallelled. Whatcha think?
Expert:  Martin replied 6 years ago.
Completely! Having a purpose is the most important thing. It must not become a routine that said, it must be different from time to time, and it also must not feel like work so each 2 week might be enough or if it's more frequent it must not last long.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

Thank you Martin,

You have been helpful. Not just a sounding board that allowed my to listen to myself, but a helpful person with good feedback.


Thank you,

Mike M.