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Cher, Educator-40+ yrs
Category: General
Satisfied Customers: 21380
Experience:  M.A., B.A., Author, Information & Research Specialist
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i dont really know how to use this computer so if you can send

Resolved Question:

i dont really know how to use this computer so if you can send me an answer here it would help. i dont know if i should make them stay with
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: General
Expert:  Cher replied 7 years ago.
Hi amydon,

What is your question?

Customer: replied 7 years ago.
i was asking if i am being a good mother by letting my girls stay with teir father after they have witnessed years of their fater abusing me physically,mentally,emotionally...
Expert:  Cher replied 7 years ago.
Hi again,

Are you asking if it's a good idea to let them live with their father or just visit?

Hold old are your girls?

Do you have shared custody?

Customer: replied 7 years ago.
my gher has irls are 17,16,13 i have custody of them but their father has made it hard for me to pay bills.. so we were all going back to the maritaial home for me to cook...i have beeen with out heat, hot water,gas.. for a year. meanwhile the girls have stayed with him some nights and now they treat me like crap and call me names and say the seperation was my fault. why have they forgotten about all the abuse in the past? is this normal teenage girl/mother stuff or is this more abuse
Expert:  Cher replied 7 years ago.
Hi again,

It sounds like they are treating you like this as a combination of the teenage years AND because they are spending more time with their father, who is bad-mouthing you. THEY are now abusing you verbally, because he is prompting it and encouraging it.

You can remind them, in an age appropriate way, of his abuse of you, and that this is what caused the separation, but it would be best for you to keep the girls with you, if possible. Because he made your life difficult, re: no heat, gas, etc., you're in a difficult position and I understand why you have agreed to this arrangement, but definite and firmly tell the girls that you are their mother, and deserve to be treated with respect, or there will be consequences, like the taking away of privileges: tv, phone, going out with friends, etc. Don't allow them to make you a doormat, like their father did. Stand your ground and let them know YOU are the mother, and they will not speak to you that way or there will be punishments. And follow through with the punishments, so they know you mean it.

Try your best to get you and your girls away from him for good, so you can live your life in peace and give your girls a good life.

If you would like to discuss this further, I'd be happy to, but I need to sign offline now, because it's very late for me.

I hope things improve for you and your girls, soon!

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