replied 7 years ago.
Hi again, and thanks for your detailed reply and your patience.
I think the most important thing is to deal with the drinking problem and try to stop or be able to curb it. I know stopping does not happen over night, but if you hook up with the right group (do you have AA in Canada?), and have the desire to stop, I think you should be successful. It sounds like you might not want to stop, but at least to be aware of how much you've had and know what to limit your intake to, this will be the beginning of helping yourself and making a difference. I'm sure you realize the drinking is adversely affecting your physical health, too, and you want to be around for a long time, with your daughters!
I've understood all your inuendos and believe you've been working hard since a very young age. You've sacrificed a lot to be a good provider for your family and feel this is 'your' time, and have always dreamed of traveling, so the thought of Australia now being available for you, through your job, is very tempting. Your wife thought she could change you, but that never really happens. You are the man she married. Marriage is a compromise and we all 'change' a little when we vow to spend the rest of our lives with a person we love. I understand at first, you felt 'this isn't what I signed on for', when you had children, and that really wasn't in your plan; but I know you love them very much, and want to give them the best you are able to.
Not everyone is fortunate enough to get what they dream of and many people just do live their lives with what they have and feel they have missed opportunities, but you can't live a life of regrets and be happy. There's no doubting you're in a difficult situation and need to make a difficult decision, but you used an interesting phrase: 'running away to the other side of the earth seems easier now'. Do you see this as an escape from an unhappy marriage? You said if you can show your wife there is a future, she will join you, but you don't want to make false promises. Are you referring to trying to dry out as a false promise, because you feel you won't be able to do it, even if you move to Australia? I understand what you're saying......you can't move and live out your dream, but include not drinking as part of that dream, or you won't be happy.
There's no denying you've had to fend for yourself from an early age, you implied you had little parental support, but you have a great work ethic, and a good conscience, so your parents must've done something right, in instilling these basic values in you.
You've come to this difficult crossroads in your life now, and attempting to compromise or find a middle ground, making you happy and your family happy, plus, providing the necessary financial stability, you might consider this: is it possible to travel to Australia to check out how it will be if you work there, and possibly take your family if you can, or at least one of your daughters, during a school break, etc., and just get a feel for the whole experience. While I realize visiting a place and working/living in that place are two very different experiences, considering doing this may help satisfy your lifelong desire for adventure, give you a needed change of scenery, and make your decision a more informed one. I'm playing devil's advocate again--what if you hate it? You might decide you could never live/work there, and be happy. It's just a 'what if' that needs to be considered. Another 'what if': could you work in Australia or another country your company may be able to send you, for just a few months at a time, come home for a few months, then return. This might be the best of both worlds, your daughters will know there's a time in the not too distant future, when you will be home again, and you might like the traveling back and forth, if you're an adventurous soul.
As I mentioned earlier, make sure you've exhausted all other options for work, closer to home, before making this major decision. If you find you will stay where you are, or close to where you are now, for work, you can always take a trip to Southeast Asia and/or Australia to satisfy your dream.
Please let me know your thoughts.
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