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I am pregnant after undergoing IUI with donor sperm.

I am pregnant after...

I am pregnant after undergoing IUI with donor sperm. However, I was also intimate with my ex boyfriend at the time. He thinks it's his. I think the baby is the result of IUI and donor sperm. Can he force me to take a paternity test while I'm still pregnant.

Lawyer's Assistant: What steps have you taken? Have you filed any papers in family court?

No, I haven't. But I have a feeling he's looking into it.

Lawyer's Assistant: Family law varies by state. What state are you in?

I live in New York.

Lawyer's Assistant: Anything else you want the lawyer to know before I connect you?

I don't want my ex to be the father. I don't want child support and I don't want him in my life. Is there anything I can do to increase my chances of being able to just raise this child on my own, regardless of who's it is?

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Answered in 11 minutes by:
5/26/2018
Sean K
Sean K, Family Law Attorney
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 976
Experience: Family Law Attorney in Private Law Firm
Verified

Hi, I’m Sean and I will be assisting you as an expert today. I’m an attorney with more than 20 years of experience. It is my goal to provide a solid overview of your situation. Whether the analysis is good or bad as to your matter, I want to make sure you understand any points you need and that you have options to better address the questions you have. If I am able, I will also provide you with some resources. Please note that the system, independent from me, may offer a phone call. You are not obligated to engage in a phone call, but I am happy to speak if you desire. This is completely up to you.

Give me a moment to review your information and I will provide an overview.

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So to answer the first question - can he make you do a paternity test while still pregnant? The likely answer is no. Here is way. While those tests are possible, they are also not without risks. As a result of this, the Courts are hesitant to order them if there are other alternatives.

In your case if you did have sex with him, there is a possibility that it could be his, but as you had IUI, it is also a possibility, and likely a higher possibility the IUI was successful and the child is not his. So make sure to have very detailed documentation of the IUI, perhaps even with a letter from the clinic that performed it the the procedure was done.

As your ex would not lose out on any rights he did or may have by waiting through the pregnancy, the most likely result, if he pushed the issue of a paternity test while pregnant and went so far as to take the matter to Court, would be that a Court would say to wait until the child was born.

Now, this approach will likely provide you the best chance of being able to move on. The reason I say this is in cases like this the most common thing that occurs is for the ex to badger and harass you for a period of time saying he will do things and threatening to do things, but during the pregnancy he can't really make you do anything. So you really are able to just ignore him and the best thing to do, if you want him to hopefully move on is not engage with him.

That all having been said, when the child is born, you do not have to put him on the birth certificate, you don't even have to tell him the child was born; however, if he wants, and it is in his complete discretion, if he wants to compel a DNA test then, he could do that. In order to do this, he would have to start an action to establish paternity - meaning that if he contacts you and demands a DNA test (paternity) you don't have to say yes, but if he took a paternity action to the Courts, even with the IUI, the Court would likely order the testing unless you were able to provide otherwise.

So here is the next thing you can do - contact the IUI clinic and find out if after the birth of your child it is possible for them to do a DNA test to match it to the donor sperm. If this is possible and you can have this information, you can be rid of your ex forever and he would have no claim to your child.

However, if the child is biologically his and you and he could not agree upon what, if any relationship he would have with the child, then a Court in NY would determine what would be in the best interest of your child.

So the main two ways that you rid yourself of the ex is to have the child not be his which would be established by DNA testing AFTER the birth, or simply to just have him go away and leave you alone.

Please let me know if you have any further questions or if there are more questions based on what I have provided.

Please note: This is general information for educational purposes only and is not legal advice. There is no specific course of action is proposed and no attorney-client relationship or privilege formed within this conversation.

If you have any follow up questions it would be my pleasure to answer them. As experts we only get credit for the time and effort we spend on our answers if you rate us positively - 5 stars is definitely appreciated but not required! There is no cost associated with you rating me and you can still ask follow up questions after rating me and I will respond.

One final point, there may be a delay between your question and my answer; this is because I'm either not at my computer or helping someone else but rest assured, if you ask, I will provide an answer. Thank you again.

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Customer reply replied 2 months ago
Thank you. One last question. Given there are now simple blood tests that can tell me the paternity, does that change whether or not I can be compelled to take a test. In other words, now that it's no longer an invasive procedure, can he or the court compel me to take a blood test?
Customer reply replied 2 months ago
I'd prefer not to call at the moment. Is my last question something you can answer via messenger/email?

Not a worry - that offer is generated by the system and I am completely fine answer here as I set out in the overview. Completing your follow up answer now.

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The balance is essentially what rights would the potential father lose out on if the test is not done? Some judges still look at the idea of drawing blood verses a swap of the inside of the cheek as invasive and that is part of the equation. While still in utero, particularly with the evidence of the IUI, when all balanced together, there is really no loss to the ex by waiting.

All this is balanced against the standard that if an issue is taken to the Court and a Judge has the opportunity to make a decision, the hope is that they will make the right decision (and they usually do) however, keep in mind that whenever a Judge has a chance to make a decision, it is also an opportunity to make the wrong decision and that happens as well. So could a Judge order a test? Yes, but likely the chances against it outweigh the chances for.

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Customer reply replied 2 months ago
Thank you. One last question, I promise. If the child is his, can he fight for full or even 50% custody? In my opinion, especially while the child is an infant, it is in the child's best interest to be with the mother for obvious reasons. I know that New York views mothers and fathers as equals, depending on what's in the best interest of the child. So under what circumstance could he seek custody?

Simple answer is that he could seek full custody, but provided that you don't give any reason for him to have custody he will have a challenge on his hands. There is no longer a presumption that the Mother gets custody, however in NY when your child is born, you will be his legal custodian and guardian. If the ex is to come into the picture, paternity will have to be established and that can only be done in one of two ways - 1 - you let him sign an Acknowledgement of Paternity (if you don't know if he is the father and want to minimize his involvement likely don't allow this and he cannot force you to let him). Or 2 - he brings a paternity action in the Courts.

If he is the father, he could ask for custody, visitation or other involvement and he would have to pay child support.

If both of you are fit parents and do not get along, meaning you cannot agree, the norm is for you to have custody and he have some sort of visitation. If the two of you don't get along well, the Courts generally don't make thing joint as to time or decision making because if you can't agree, then that would not be best for the child.

So to maximize you chances of, if he did push things, make sure details are worked out - pediatrician for your child, daycare if need be, suitable living arrangements, etc. (all of these things are pretty much common sense, but if you were to go into a custody dispute your goal would be to show that you have over planned and over prepared and this planning tends to be what judges are looking for.)

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Customer reply replied 2 months ago
Thank you!

Best of Luck!

You are certainly welcome and 5 star review are always appreciated. You can also ask follow up questions after rating. Thanks again!

Sean K
Sean K, Family Law Attorney
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 976
Experience: Family Law Attorney in Private Law Firm
Verified
Sean K and 87 other Family Law Specialists are ready to help you
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Customer reply replied 2 months ago
Ill definitely give you a five star review.

Thank you so much and if you have follow up questions, please post them here and I will be happy to address them for you.

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DISCLAIMER: Answers from Experts on JustAnswer are not substitutes for the advice of an attorney. JustAnswer is a public forum and questions and responses are not private or confidential or protected by the attorney-client privilege. The Expert above is not your attorney, and the response above is not legal advice. You should not read this response to propose specific action or address specific circumstances, but only to give you a sense of general principles of law that might affect the situation you describe. Application of these general principles to particular circumstances must be done by a lawyer who has spoken with you in confidence, learned all relevant information, and explored various options. Before acting on these general principles, you should hire a lawyer licensed to practice law in the jurisdiction to which your question pertains.

The responses above are from individual Experts, not JustAnswer. The site and services are provided “as is”. To view the verified credential of an Expert, click on the “Verified” symbol in the Expert’s profile. This site is not for emergency questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals. Please carefully read the Terms of Service (last updated February 8, 2012).

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