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I have new question for you. I was recommended to advice ex…

Hello Robert, I have new question...
Hello Robert,
I have new question for you.
I was recommended to advice ex husband about dr appts and evaluations I am taking our son to. We have 50/50 custody, and our child has autism.
Since I told Ex husband about dr appointments and invited him to attend,
he did the following:
-Said negative information about me to multiple doctors and therapists stating
I am committing a fraud (bc I am getting $$ from the government to take Care of our son) and our son doesn’t have autism.
-I had dr”s recommendations in writing that autistic child can’t be spanked and put on time outs. I showed it to ex bc he was doing all these things. He went back to the dr who wrote this notice without me and convinced her to rewrite it and say it is ok to do time outs. He is doing it so that I can’t use it in court against him and say he is abusing our son. All our therapists recommend to avoid timeouts.
-He went to our pediatrician, and said I am trying to enroll our son into school for retarded kids. Pediatrician saw ex without me (which is against court order), didn’t listen to my side, and then yelled at me for misrepresenting our son”s condition and refused to listen to my concerns about potential Child abuse
Ex told me he wants to enroll our son in martial arts during his custodial time and he doesn’t need my approval. Our son has joints condition which can cause him easy injures. When I pointed this out and asked him to consult dr, he called me liar who is making up issues for our son so that I can continue to receive finances from the government. I am worrried he will take our son to MMA without discussing with me and doctor and it will be harmful for his health.
-Ex was threatening to cancel our son”s applications to schools because he disagrees with schools location. He wants them to be next to his home and not in between us.
-Ex called district attorney Office and said I am committing a fraud with IHSS, and I have to be investigated. He did it last year as well.
- During this past year Child is scared to go to dad”s house and he keeps repeating it a few times per day. It feels like he has anxiety. When I ask him why he doesn’t want to go he responds: “Because he is mean to me, because he yells at me”. I am trying to have our child evaluated by psychologist by I don’t think they will do it without Ex”s consent and if I will invite him to dr Appt it will create drama.
Is this good reason for restraining order?
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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Sorry I forgot to mention one more thing. I found out that woman that my ex was living with for 8 months after our break up, and had my son around had heroin addiction problem. He isn’t with this person anymore but could it be an indication that ex was exposing our son to unsafe environment, and he is not a good judge of character? Thank you!
Answered in 2 hours by:
3/26/2018
RobertJDFL
RobertJDFL, Lawyer
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 15,330
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Good evening to you on this Sunday.

The concerns you raise wouldn't be grounds for a restraining order. Generally, a restraining order is used where a person has been harassed, sexually assaulted, the victim of violence or threatened with violence. The trouble with a child saying that a parent is mean and that he yells is that this is what children will often say about a parent -parents can sometimes be mean and sometimes yell.

That said, I think you have some valid concerns here it sounds like although you are trying to come to some sort of agreement with dad on things, he isn't willing to listen. I don't recall, but it sounds like your custody agreement is set up so that you have joint legal custody? Legal custody is the ability to make decisions concerning your child's health, welfare and education. Often times, a court will grant both parents joint legal custody while making one parent the custodial parent. But it's clear that if you have a diagnosis of autism and other medical issues (such as with the joints) and dad isn't seeing it, then he's at risk of not getting the care he needs. Therefore, I would recommend you file a motion to modify the custody agreement to be given sole legal custody. It doesn't mean dad shouldn't be updated on his medical issues, or not be given report cards or anything like that -you should still do that -but it does mean that if you have legal custody, his doctors should discuss things only with you and that if there is a dispute as to his treatment between you and the father, you would get to decide what is best for your son. It would mean as the sole legal custodian, you decide on what school he goes to. It would also mean that you could decide whether to enroll your son in activities like MMA --and if dad does it anyway, then he will have violated the court order.

As far as the woman he was with if you had proof that she was actively doing drugs while around your son or engaging in any sort of criminal activity around your son, then potentially that could have been grounds to modify visitation. It's a moot point now as he is no longer with her, but know that if he gets together with someone else, it won't be enough that you don't like her or that you don't trust her or that her life is a mess. You would need proof that something is happening that is putting your son at risk (e.g., if a person is using drugs all the time, could they deal with a possible medical problem, or provide proper care for your son).

Please let me know what I may clarify or if I can provide you with additional information.

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Thank you for your response.
Yes, we have joint legal custody.
I can add that we had ongoing domestic violence since 2014. Ex was arrested one time and since then there were a few incidents without police reports.
So if ex is calling Police and filing numerous police reports against me (which made me loose my apartment. Landlord didn’t want to renew the lease bc there were too many Police reports associated with my address), calling me names on Talking Parents, degrading me, verbally abusive, threatening to open case against me with DA ( he already did last year), providing debt collectors information (gate code) so that they can come to my house unexpectedly and threaten me, I still don’t have a reason for Restraining order?
Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Re: motion to modify custody agreement, can it be Ex parte so that I will get faster results? Thank you!
Customer reply replied 4 months ago
I also forgot to mention I have videos of Child saying “I don’t want to go to daddies house”’and saying “Daddy is spanking me”. I have texts from ex on Talking Parents where he says he believes it is appropriate form of discipline to spark Child and do 30 min time outs.
Thank you!

The past violence, threats, verbal abuse, etc., could potentially be enough to get a restraining order. You can get a temporary order ex-parte but then there would have to be a hearing (typically within about 2 weeks of filing for the order) to determine whether to make it final. At the hearing for the restraining order, you'd want to bring with you any proof you might have - police reports, witnesses to the fights, pictures of any injuries he's caused, proof of threats he's made (like if he's posted things online), etc.

A motion to modify the custody agreement cannot be done ex-parte. There must be a hearing in front of the judge where they can hear from both of you.

Spanking is usually not considered child abuse because parents have a right to discipline their children “reasonably” in a manner they see fit. Spanking, when used to discipline, is not considered child abuse under California law unless it becomes unreasonable, excessive, or causes bodily injury. It's something you could bring up in a motion to modify visitation if that is what you are looking to do (have your son spend less time with his father). Sometimes people will ask about putting language into a custody agreement itself about parents not using corporal punishment; the trouble is that a court cannot be in the home to know what is going on. The fact is, the best you can hope for is to maybe limit dad's time, or in extreme cases, a court can award supervised visitation, but almost never does the court outright deny a parent the right to see and spend time with their child (that happens in cases, where, for example, a parent is incarcerated on death row, or has a history of sexual abuse against a child, etc).

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Please let me know if I may provide you with any follow-up information or may clarify my answer for you in any way. Otherwise, please remember to take a moment to leave a positive rating for my by clicking on the stars at the top of the page. Doing so costs you nothing extra, but it is the only way experts like myself are credited by the website. You can always reply back (at no additional cost) after rating should you need additional assistance. Thank you.

RobertJDFL
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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Thank you for your detailed answer, Robert!
I just wanted to clarify: does it mean I don’t have to provide all evidence of abuse at the time of filing for TRO and I can provide it later at the hearing? I was delaying bc of the amount of paperwork. There are multiple incidents over the past 4 yrs. Is it enough to mention the issues and I can elaborate at them later? Thank you!

Correct! In the application, you basically just have to state what the person has done to you or your family member(s) that live with you that require protection from them. At the hearing is when you would want to have all of your evidence.

The form and instructions can actually be found on the California Courts website here.

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Thank you so much! This is very helpful!

My pleasure to help! Please be so kind as to leave a positive rating for me by clicking on the stars so I am credited by the website. Thank you.

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
I am sorry, I have one more question.
Is it important to notify ex about my attempt to file TRO? I don’t want to because he is very unpredictable and aggressive and it will give him chance to bring his attorney. I am worried if I won’t notify him and invite to attend the hearing then it will be invalid. Thank you!

No, you don't have to notify him about the TRO. Most people only find out about it when they have been served with the temporary restraining order and notice of hearing.

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