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Thank you for your reply to my question earlier. I just

Hello, thank you for your...
Hello, thank you for your reply to my question earlier. I just wanted to follow up to make sure that I am not doing anything wrong or something that can come back to bite me later on.
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Answered in 3 minutes by:
3/18/2018
Bruce Schreiber
Bruce Schreiber, Family Law Attorney
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 773
Experience: Attorney At Law at SELF
Verified

I can't see the original conversation. Remind me and ask your new question?

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Ok, one sec

I found it. You were going to take your car and kids for the day.

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
ASAP Please - I have filed for divorce and had to personally serve my husband with the papers for many reasons. He has not yet filed his appearance with the court, but he is still within the 10 day period. He has moved out. His only vehicle is a work van provided by his employer, which only has adriver and passenger seat and cannot fit our kids. We only have one other car, and it is what I always use. He told my son's today that he was going to come see them tomorrow and of course they were so excited. Then he said to me he will come (no time given) and use my car to take the kids out (refuses to tell where they're going). I said I need to use the car, you can just hang here with them and he refuses to be in our house. I said he could walk a few blocks and take them to the park and they'd be just as happy versus whatever place he is planning to take them to have fun he told them. I even offered to drop the kids off and pick them up at whatever place he wants to take them, because I need the car. And frankly, I don't feel totally comfortable with him just taking the car because he'll never tell me where they are or when they'll be back. He refused to take that offer saying what if there's an emergency and a ton of other BS demands, and then he finally said forget it, it's my fault that my kids won't get to see him. Later, out of nowhere he texted, basically stating or demanding "I will tell you a time when I will be there tomorrow and I will take the car and the boys. That's what's happening" I didn't reply. How can I handle this as the divorce process hasn't even technically started? Refuse to let him take him and my car? Or something else? Or do I have to once again be forced to submit to control and manipulation?
17 March 2018 06:51
17 March 2018 06:52
Infolawyer
Family Lawyer
You can refuse and maintain status quo. He should appear and all issues resolved in court together with court assistance and supervision.Please let me know if the reply is acceptable by responding “yes” or “acceptable”
17 March 2018 06:54
What exactly does maintaining status quo mean?
17 March 2018 07:01
Infolawyer
Family Lawyer
Not changing anything and holding on to assets until court decides!Please let me know if the reply is acceptable by responding “yes” or “acceptable”
17 March 2018 07:06
Well, if he would file his damn appearance we are going to file for an injunction because basically takes all the money!! It is infuriating.But back to this, I am allowed to say no and not allow him to take the kids and the car? The car is in both of our names FYI and he does have a key.
17 March 2018 08:02
Bruce Schreiber
Family Lawyer
Welcome and thank you for your question. I will be the professional that will be assisting you. I am a Certified Child Welfare Law Specialist.
Say no. Have a friend take the car for the time you expect him. You do not have to let him have that car if he left without it. That is what the other lawyer meant by Status Quo.
You should also notify the police ahead of time that he is coming and there may be trouble.
17 March 2018 08:04
Can I just not be here with the kids and the car? He will never tell me when he's coming so, if I am allowed to do that I'll just head out with the kids for the day in the morning.
17 March 2018 08:07
Bruce Schreiber
Family Lawyer
Good idea. If he has no court ordered visitation, and won't tell you when he is coming, just go away for the day. You have no obligation to just wait for whenever he decides to show up.
Keep a journal of all these incidents and copies of all texts and emails for use later in Court.
17 March 2018 08:10
Perfect! I just wanted to make sure it can't come back to hurt me if he says "she withheld our son's from me".Which would be an absolute joke, because he's only seen the boys, maybe 10-15 times in over 6 months, yet he lived here until yesterday. Ugh! Actually I wish I could get full custody - he is so verbally and emotionally abusiveThank you!
17 March 2018 08:11
Bruce Schreiber
Family Lawyer
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17 March 2018 08:

What is your followup question?

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
He is so full of hate and has made so many threats about different things to me. I just don't want something as stupid as a car to actually be a legitimate case to say I prevented him from seeing his kids or something. He's full of shit (sorry) you cannot believe a word he says. Literally. And at this point NOTHING would surprise me, I just want to be sure he cannot use this against me

He has no right to give you just one day notice, forcing you to change your or your children's life around at the last moment. He especially has no right to demand that you provide a mode of safe transportation for him. In fact, if he does not have safe transportation for any visits he might seek from the Court he won't get them.

............

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You did offer to allow him time with the kid's at your house or at the nearby park. It's not like you flat out refused. You simply had to use the car for your own plans.

Make sure you keep a record of the emails and tests. You tried to do the right thing.

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
I know I did. And I tell myself everyday I will never let him control me or manipulate me again! But he really does gaslight me. No matter how much I stay strong, I still have these moments where his control does get the better of me and I start to worry, i.e. why I am in touch with you at 1:32am here.Last question, just to calm my out of control anxiety, the fact that title of our car is still in both of our names, since we are not yet officially divorced doesn't matter? Right?

Was the agreement you made when he left that you would keep the car? Hw long has it been since he left? Do you have any other cars available to you?

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
There was no agreement at all. He's "left" for months and then shows up and screams at me it's still my house c**t I can come whenever i want. Real good for our kids to hear. And I've made it very clear I never said he wan't allowed to be here. And then he disappears again and won't even call the kids or show up for a week or two, meanwhile ruining us financially by taking almost his entire paycheck out immediately. I have beat him to the punch before and transferred it right out. Every single bill is past due, including our mortgage. We get food from my oldest son's school for god's sake. He is so fiscally irresponsible and mentally unstable. I know I am going on and on.But no, nothing was ever officially agreed upon. We have his work van (which he basically uses as his personal car anyway, on the company dime's gas card), we have my Tahoe, and then we have an old Suburban that does not run that sits in the back of the driveway.

Well if this arrangement has been going on for months it's as good as an agreement. The Tahoe is yours to use as you see fit.

Do you have a lawyer or doing this yourself? When you filed did you ask for any temporary Orders? If he is as volatile and dangerous as you make him out to be, you need to file for some emergency temporary orders such as Exclusive use of the family home (and car?), and limiting his contact with the kids.

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
My son just started crying. If you can hang on for a few I'd like to do a call if you can?Be back ASAP
Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Ok, just about able to take a call if you can now

There should be instructions for the call on your end.

Bruce Schreiber
Bruce Schreiber, Family Law Attorney
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 773
Experience: Attorney At Law at SELF
Verified
Bruce Schreiber and 87 other Family Law Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now

I got your voicemail

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Call you?

sure

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Hi! Just wanted to thank you for your time!

Curious how things turned out today?

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
I am trying to add files to this so I can show you how it went. But it's not letting me
Customer reply replied 4 months ago
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1D8vTEe2GR8ulcAdwjrnewIw1WCgYYNCQ/view?usp=sharinghttps://drive.google.com/file/d/1qFw4cpC10QFJfk-9cFH0keuohGq9hDpz/view?usp=sharing

I'm confused: "you will be taking them in my car"????

So you were going to let him take them in your car? The Tahoe?

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Oh, I apologize. It cut off on the screenshot. I immediately went back and said "You will NOT be taking them I meant".I just double checked my phone to make sure I clarified it to him.

So he backed off? And didn't come?

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Yep, he never came. My older boy with the special needs was terribly distraught the entire day. He did call one time and my son was sobbing how he lied to him again and he is a bad dad. My husband said well, Mommy won't let me use the car buddy. And my son said, well she said she could meet you and drop us off! And he said, I know, but I don't want to do that. It just sent him into a downward spiral the rest of the day. So sad for him. But at the end of the call he told me he would "stop by" later and drop off food for them. I didn't like it but didn't address at that moment. Skip forward several hours, my son calls him, and he doesn't answer, and the following ensued because he thought it was me calling...https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Xacc-v-SyPaQ4KAn9u9OuksyJQq5zVAW/view?usp=sharing
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1j-jWeB_WuOpAVjEcWWXurQjQm3D6s0pJ/view?usp=sharingAnd he never did come. Michael fell asleep crying his eyes out while I rubbed his back.

Terrible for your son but you approached it very well.

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Honestly, I cannot sleep due to the overwhelming guilt I feel for my son! I don't recall how detailed we got about his illness, but it was like he was back to years ago when we forced to admit him into a pediatric psychiatric hospital. I KNOW my husband ultimately caused this. But I just cannot get it out of my mind. When he is dysregulated it is awful, too much to type. And I can't help but feel as a Mother, geez, if I just let his ass take the car my boy wouldn't have suffered so terribly.

Your feelings are understandable, but if you allow them to make you second guess yourself like this you will not make progress.

By taking a stand it will get better over time.

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