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Question pertaining to options we have if ex tries to take…

Question pertaining to options we...
Question pertaining to options we have if ex tries to take us back to court after we decide to move closer to her or stay within the district the kids are in now
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Answered in 2 minutes by:
3/14/2018
Lucy, Esq.
Lucy, Esq., Lawyer
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 32,264
Experience: Attorney with experience in family law.
Verified

Hi,

The fact that you're each going to have a new sibling in the home seems like it could wind up being a wash. And part of the issue here is that, with new siblings, she could request a change to custody whether you move or not.

How far apart do you live now? I don't think it was mentioned earlier.

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
They have had the future step sibling in the home for 2 years now... and baby will be new
Customer reply replied 4 months ago
We live 11 miles apart now

Then I'm not sure a move would even be considered a material change. 11 miles is enough that you could share 50/50 custody if that's what the judge had thought was best. You can argue that the move isn't significant enough to warrant any modifications.

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
2 years ago when divorce was final she lived with her parents and was less than 5 miles from our house

The step-sibling also isn't going to have much impact if they've been living together already.

What she'd have to argue is that the baby is disrupting their sleep schedules, causing problems with their schooling, or monopolizing your time in some way that makes it better for them to not live with the baby. But that's a tough argument because of the benefits a person gets from having a relationship with siblings. Plus, she'd need facts to show that the baby actually caused a detriment to the children.

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Then I don't see the move making any real difference here. You're still living pretty close together. You're further apart than you used to be. But it's not a major difference. It's not like one of you moved 2 hours away.

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Correct, but I am wanting to do the best I can and the right thing to try and prevent all future issues.
Customer reply replied 4 months ago
With being blamed for not co parenting and communicating, but I do the best I can with sharing all information. Where I sent an email to her last week and have sent 2 more along with calling twice and texting with no response I feel like my hands are tied. But she has discussed this all with the kids, but she tells me that I shouldn’t involve the kids at all. I’m just trying to do what’s best for my entire family while co parenting with my ex that won’t communicate with me
Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Another thing is, since September of last year I received an email from my ex wanting more time with the kids. So my wife and I discussed options with our schedule and to try and keep with our household routine. The best option we came up with was that my ex have the kids from 430-630 on mondays after the weekend my wife and I have the kids. Since then she has been late dropping them off, with no notice and has continued to ask for even more time. Everything has been noted but we were trying to keep down her numerous weekly requests for more time, while again we are trying to maintain a routine for the kids.

Your email and phone records will help show that she's the one who isn't cooperating and communicating. That's strong evidence in your favor. It will also help if she's not following the current schedule or taking advantages of your attempts to work with her.

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
The one concern with communicating is that the kids have a cell phone, she calls every night and some nights the kids do not want to talk and text her or don’t respond at all. She has made comments about how she has rights to talk to them every night but we don’t feel it right to force them to do something that they do not want to. With your experience, email is the best form of communication to use correct?
Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Here are the lasts attempts made by email to her
Customer reply replied 4 months ago
1

Email, text, or even online chat tend to be good because then you have a record of the conversation.

Her attempts to contact the kids are completely separate from communicating with you about the kids, which she's required to do.

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
2
Customer reply replied 4 months ago
2.1
Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Ok I have kept every email of communication down to here accusing my wife of flipping her off with the kids next to my wife. Which never happened and I chose not to respond to her false accusation

Then you're in a good place if she tries to take you back to court.

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Do you find those emails to forward or controlling? Which I have been told I am by ex(controlling)

I don't see anything controlling in asking her to be respectful of your time and to adhere to minimum standards of politeness by responding to communication efforts.

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Sorry if my questions seem redundant or petty I’m just trying to play out all scenarios. Doing the right thing is more difficult than cutting corners.

No, they don't. I understand. It's a stressful situation.

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
I forgot to mention earlier when my ex moved last May she didn’t inform me of her moving at all, besides just sending her new address after telling the kids to not tell us that she was moving. I see that in my situation, since the kids live with my wife and I primarily that we would have to do it differently. Now thinking about it, her move still impacted the kids transportation to their school but didn’t ask for approval or acknowledgement when she moved. Is that something that could be a consideration to potentially use in court if needed?

You could point out that her failure to inform you indicates an implied agreement that the court order doesn't require either of you to get consent from the other before moving. Or you could try arguing that she's estopped from complaining because she didn't request your consent before moving, either.

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
that is something we could use, that’s good to know. Her argument could be that since she just had visitation is why she didn’t need to get an agreement, but wouldn’t that help our case if she tried to modify custody?
Customer reply replied 4 months ago
As in her moving where she did, she knew she would have to commute no less than 15 minutes to get the kids to school on Thursday mornings.

It doesn't matter that she only has visitation. Either the divorce decree requires you to discuss moving with the kids or it doesn't.

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
you clarified that it doesn’t correct?
Customer reply replied 4 months ago
I sent all that pertained to school or residency

I don't think it does. And she can't argue that it requires you to get her approval to move but doesn't require her to get yours.

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
If it did, and she already moved without discussing it with me that related to your previous comment about consent

Right. Then you'd say she waived the right to complain by not following the order herself.

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
As in just sending her new address without any prior communication about her moving corrrect? At that time is was further away then where she was currently at.

Exactly.

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
with that being confirmed than we are in a better situation than I previously thought. Should I continue to request acknowledgment or just let it go and continue on with my wife to find a new home for the kids and growing family?

Requesting acknowledgment gives her the ability to say no, which could open the door to an argument. So I don't know that there's any benefit to you in trying to continue getting a response. You could potentially try one last email, giving her a firm date to reply or you'll take her silence as agreement and proceed with the plans to move.

But before doing that, think about what you'll do if she says no and if you want to risk it.

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
the other option would be to continue with our move and do what’s best for our family? With a no to us then we could potentially be in court.
Customer reply replied 4 months ago
The kids have told us that she is considering the option, but again that heresy until she communicates with me.

Right.

You don't have to base your course of action on what the kids say she's thinking about if she hasn't spoken with you at all.

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Ok, so based on the information we have shared, we should be confident to continue on with our plan of action to find a house and then communicate the address with her once we have a new home. Benefits of moving to her city means we are closer and share the same district, potential negative is she could try to go back to court to change custody agreement, but with the factors discussed do you believe we would have any concern of it being changed?

I don't think the move is going to be enough of a material change to warrant a change to custody, based on all the things you've said.

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
no proof in decree of having to get approval, if even it did she had already negated that with her move with out my acknowledgment correct?

Right.

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Ok I hope so. That is all the questions I have for now, but if I think of anything else, I’ll let you know.

I'm glad I could help. Good luck with everything.

Please remember to leave a positive rating before signing out, so I get credit for helping with this question.

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
I will. Thank you again. If I have any further questions do I need to request you and start a new question feed correct?

That's right. Thank you very much.

Lucy, Esq.
Lucy, Esq., Lawyer
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 32,264
Experience: Attorney with experience in family law.
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