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I just had a question. I have been a single mom for 9 years…

I just had a...

I just had a question. I have been a single mom for 9 years with my son and I am expecting a baby girl with my recent ex now. I told him I had a job offer in California that would make it easier for me to take care of both kids and provide a more stable and happy life for them both. he said if I try and leave he will take custody from me. He is 21. Lives at home with his parents who are hoarders. His youngest brother doesn't even have a bedroom he sleeps on a broken couch in the living room. He himself shares a room with his teenage brother. He has a better paying job than I do but that's all he has going for him. He doesn't know anything about being a dad (hes only 21) and hes currently in therapy for almost manic depression. If he does take me to court and tries to take my daughter away from me and her older brother will he succeed? We live in Washington State

Lawyer's Assistant: Since laws vary from place to place, what state is this in?

Washington

Lawyer's Assistant: Have you talked to a lawyer yet?

No, I cant afford one

Lawyer's Assistant: Anything else you want the lawyer to know before I connect you?

I live in a two bedroom apartment, both kids have their own rooms, I have turned my dining room into a third bedroom for myself. I have been financially and emotionally able to care for my own son for 9 years. The only reason he is threatening me is because he wants to see her everyday and hes mad at me for breaking up with him because his depression was so bad he was starting to spiral down and screaming at my son and I and I told him to get out because my son didn't feel safe around him anymore.

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3/11/2018
FamilyAnswer
FamilyAnswer, Lawyer
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 32,332
Experience: 10 + years of handling Family Law, Divorce, Child Custody and Child Support cases
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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Thank you! I'm just worried and he made the comments in front of my son and my son has been extremely upset ever since.

Good afternoon. I certainly understand the situation and your concern. The Judge is always going to act in the best interest of the child when deciding custody. First, your ex would need to establish paternity and show he is the father, before proceeding and being able to get custody or even visitation. Moreover, he will need to show that if he were to be awarded custody, that he can care for the child and provide a proper home for her. Based upon what you shared above, I think this would be hard to show the Judge. Moreover, the Judge is not just going to take the child away from you, so if anything, custody would be shared. Right now, there is nothing stopping you from relocating, as you are not married and there is no court order in place and the baby is not even born, so if you relocated, it does not appear you would need his permission at this time.

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
I even told him he could move to California with me (he would have to find his own place as I would be staying with family in their home. Both kids would have their own rooms and I would be living there for free with in home child care. he said he wouldn't move because it would be too hard for him to find a job and he didn't want to leave his family.
Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Ok! Thank you! That's what I was thinking too but I wasn't positive. Since we aren't married or even together am I required to put him on the birth certificate?

You are welcome. No, you are not. When the baby is born, you will be given the birth certificate and can put down what you like. If he wants, the burden would shift to him to go to court and first establish paternity before anything. Please let me know if there is anything else, as I would be happy to respond. If not, please remember to rate my help at this time at the top of this page, prior to leaving, so I can receive the proper credit, for our time together. A 5 STAR rating is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

FamilyAnswer
FamilyAnswer, Lawyer
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 32,332
Experience: 10 + years of handling Family Law, Divorce, Child Custody and Child Support cases
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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Thank you so much for the help. I think that is all for now. I'm just scared of how he will respond and needed to figure out what steps to take or if I should just wait for him to do something. Trying to be proactive.

I do understand. At this time, there is really not much to do and the burden would be on him, to act. If he does, is when you could and would need to answer and defend this and could retain counsel, if needed.

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My pleasure and glad I was able to help

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Would it be in my best interest to request a relocation order? My work contract and apartment lease are up at the same time and I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm so scared if I go he will come and California will take my daughter from me and her older brother. I have a place to live down there and while I want him to be in her life he isn't willing to move down there and make it happen and I don't have options here right now. I've been applying for months and I could pay for maybe one more months rent when my lease is up or I could moved to California and have a place and in home daycare with "family" down there where both my kids would be taken care of.

You could try and relocate and proceed but if your son is not his child and the baby has yet to be born, I think he would have a hard time stopping you

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Thank you. I'm so sorry for asking again. I'm just scared and I want to make sure I do everything I can do I don't lose my daughter and so that I'm prepared. I'm trying to work with him and get him to agree and my sons dad agreed and told me to do whatever I need to to take care of his son but my daughters father is making threats and not listening to what's in her best interest. I just can't lose my baby girl.

I do understand and those are just threats. He can say what he wants but until he acts, you do not need to respond.

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