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I am filing for divorce. We have two homes in NC and FL. I…

I am filing for...

I am filing for divorce. We have two homes in NC and FL. I occupy FL and my hubby NC. I recently paid a surprise visit and discovered infidelity. His mistress is a MD resident and her hubby just filed for divorce. I have proof of an ongoing affair. Is this beneficial info for me in FL. Also, is there a benefit of contacting the Mistresses hubby to provide info to see if we can help each other? I've been married 25years with 3 young adult kids, two in college currently.

Lawyer's Assistant: Because real estate law varies from place to place, can you tell me what state this is in?

It's divorce. I live in FL and he lives in NC. Joint deed on both locations. My question is: Is there a benefit to notifying Mistress attorney/husband? Secondly, which state is most beneficial for me to file for divorce?

Lawyer's Assistant: Has anything been filed or reported?

No.

Lawyer's Assistant: Anything else you want the lawyer to know before I connect you?

The Mistress husband did file 1/29. Court doc doesn't list attorney for her.

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Answered in 9 minutes by:
3/7/2018
Lucy, Esq.
Lucy, Esq., Lawyer
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 31,953
Experience: Attorney with experience in family law.
Verified

Hi,

I'm Lucy, and I'd be happy to answer your questions today. I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

North Carolina is one of very few states where you could sue the mistress for alienation of affection if you wanted. The damages for an alienation of affection case can include your attorney's fees in the divorce. That doesn't necessarily affect where to file, but it is an option. That's something to be aware of before you reach out to the husband (if you're going to). It's possible that the two of you might be able to exchange information that would benefit both of you in your divorces. There's no law that prohibits you from contacting him.

As far as where to file, North Carolina has two grounds for divorce: incurable insanity and separation, which is the no fault ground. To file for a no fault divorce based on separation, you must have lived apart for at least one year without cohabitation. If you tend to go back and forth to visit each other regularly, the judge may find that requirement not met. Florida doesn't have that same requirement. You can file as long as you've lived in Florida for at least 6 months.

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Both are equitable distribution states, meaning that the judge will divide property in a manner determined to be fair. You may be able to ask for more than 50% if you can prove that your husband was spending money on the affair, because you're entitled to reimbursement.

You said that two of the children are in college. Does the third live with one of you, or are they older?

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Customer reply replied 1 month ago
The third works. So based on your synopsis, NC would be beneficial to me, given infidelity??? We are both joint tenants on home deeds, however, I have not actually lived in NC. Thoughts...
Customer reply replied 1 month ago
We have lived apart for 2+ years. Commute
Customer reply replied 1 month ago
my third child is older...

Okay. I was going to say, you could run the child support calculator for both states to see where you'd get more, but if they're all adults, that doesn't come into play.

The way it works is, the spouse who files is supposed to file where the other spouse lives. With property in both states, you arguably could file in either, but there potentially could be an issue if he's never lived in Florida with you. It would also be easier for you to get spousal support in North Carolina if he hasn't lived in Florida.

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Customer reply replied 1 month ago
He lives and works in NC. I've been a stay at home Mom for 18 years and am currently in remission from breast cancer. So if I file first, I should file in NC. And if he does, it's likely FL.

I'm sorry to hear that, but glad you've gone into remission.

Yes, if you file, you'll do it in North Carolina under those circumstances. You want to be able to get alimony, and you don't want him to object to jurisdiction in Florida. If he files, he'll have to file in Florida. You can file a request for temporary alimony when you initially file the divorce papers, so if he's not giving you money now, that might be one reason to file first.

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Customer reply replied 1 month ago
Thank you! So overall, NC is best for me given infidelity. Secondly, it may be beneficial to contact the Mistress Attorney and possibly husband?

You don't have to prove infidelity in a North Carolina no fault divorce. A lot of the information you need will be on bank statements. But it's possible he would have information you could use.

The only thing to consider is, if you are planning to sue her for breaking up your marriage, he might be less likely to want to help you.

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Customer reply replied 1 month ago
My husband has visited FL in December. I visited NC last weekend and that's when affair discovered. I had not been there in 2 years. I have FL license, he has NC license. Do these factors affect anything?

Sporadic visits shouldn't be a problem. The issue would be that, if you're having regular sexual contact, a judge might say that you're not really separated, despite living in different states. It's something that would be decided on a case-by-case basis, if your husband brings it up.

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Customer reply replied 1 month ago
No ma'am no sex since my diagnosis in 2015!!! So if it were you, would you file in NC, first. If he beats me filing and files in FL, can I move it to NC?
Lastly, is a low cost mediation possible?
Customer reply replied 1 month ago
I'd need to find a NC attorney, correct?

Yes, if I were you, I'd file in North Carolina.

If he files in Florida, you can leave the case there because it'll be more convenient for you to go to a courthouse closer to home. When he files, he's agreeing to be subject to the jurisdiction of the Florida courts, so he wouldn't be able to use the fact that he doesn't live there to try to avoid paying alimony.

You can always request mediation. There are some lawyers that specialize in it, so you might want to talk to a couple. You will use a NC attorney if you're planning to file there.

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Customer reply replied 1 month ago
However, in conclusion, me 1st in NC is advised???

You filing first in North Carolina could get you temporary alimony faster. That's the main reason for you to try to file first.

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Customer reply replied 1 month ago
Any additional tips, given I'm a non working spouse? I want to keep my FL home. I have two kids in FL schools

Since you have two homes, you should each be able to keep one. If one is worth more than the other, that spouse could have to make an equalizing payment to the other. But if you have other assets, it's possible to take a smaller share of those assets instead. You have a right to documentation showing everything, and you're entitled to half of all the assets. That includes any retirement accounts he has, which is important since you're not working.

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Customer reply replied 1 month ago
Thank you.
When does my trial period conclude?

You're welcome! You'd want to talk to customer service about that. We're unfortunately not able to view customer account information.

Please rate my service positively, as this is the only way that I get paid for the time spent answering your questions. Thank you.

Lucy, Esq.
Lucy, Esq., Lawyer
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 31,953
Experience: Attorney with experience in family law.
Verified
Lucy, Esq. and 87 other Family Law Specialists are ready to help you
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Customer reply replied 1 month ago
Can I file myself in NC, given I'm against the clock and then add attorney once I've obtained one?
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Satisfied Customers: 31,953
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