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My wife has been seeing other people since at least

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September 2012. We were married...
My wife has been seeing other people since at least September 2012. We were married July 2007. I was unaware of the relationships she was having until March 2013. We decided to forge ahead with our marriage and
we moved from California to Oregon in September 2015 to start a business together. I quit chiropractic school (was 2/3 finished) to commit to helping her with this new business. I found out this week that she is still in a relationship with one of her suitors from 2012 and she is in love with him. She flew back to see him last year while going to see a "sick" relative; he is flying up here this week and they'll stay together in a B&B for 5 days. My job has been this new business: serving as owner, receptionist, janitor, stock person...everything except the one role that she has. I receive nothing for my work except what the business earns as a whole.
My living situation is an extremely painful existence that is crushing my soul and wreaking havoc on my health, but I have no means to extricate myself. I have no money, no real job history (free labor since 9/15 and I'M my own employment reference), no real rental history (wife's cats destroyed last place=no deposit returned; same thing at current place), i didn't finish my doctoral education, all leases/utilities/car payment/insurance/credit cards are all in my name (her credit in CA was bad so we had to use mine), no help available from friends/family, and we have 8 pets together. She continues to threaten to leave--she says she'll simply stop working at our business (kills all income) and then move out. My residential lease expires March 31, 2018.
Basically, I just recently found out that the future I put my life on hold for will no longer be available to me. I now have minutes to find an alternate plan before she walks out and makes everything ten times worse. I guess I want to know what my options are at this point. Hopefully something more than the obvious: find a job, move out, move on. I'm drowning here and the advice I don't need is: get out of the water.
What i need is a big lottery win so that i can simply vanish...but she'll get half of that too.
Submitted: 7 months ago.Category: Family Law
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11/28/2017
Family Lawyer: LegalGems, Lawyer replied 7 months ago
LegalGems
LegalGems, Lawyer
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 13,619
Experience: Experienced Family Law Attorney
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Family Lawyer: LegalGems, Lawyer replied 7 months ago

I'm very sorry to hear this and understand your sense of betrayal and frustration.

OR would have jurisdiction over any divorce petition and would apply OR law to the issues;

This explains the process, and a lot of the terms that are key:

https://www.osbar.org/public/legalinfo/1132_Divorce.htm

For example the parties may have a contested (they can't agree on division of property, spousal support, etc) divorce or an uncontested divorce (usually a marital settlement agreement is submitted and the order is based on that).

OR is not a community property state so this means the court will divide property in an equitable fashion (aka fair, but not necessarily 50/50) -the court may consider many factors; please see:

http://www.courts.oregon.gov/programs/family/marriage/Pages/PropertyDebt.aspx

The court will usually consider the following:

The income and property of each spouse at the time of the marriage, and at the time of the divorce;
The length of the marriage and the age and health of both spouses;
If there are minor children involved, the need of the spouse who has custody of the children to live in the marital residence and to use or own its household contents;
The loss of inheritance and pension rights of each spouse because of the divorce;
The loss of health insurance benefits of each spouse because of the divorce;
Any award of support or maintenance the court will be making;
Whether one spouse made contributions to marital property that the spouse does not have title to; for example, where one spouse helps the other spouse increase their ability to earn more money by getting a degree, license or certification;
The liquid or non-liquid character of all marital property (“liquid” means that the property can easily be converted to cash);
The probable future financial circumstances of each party;
The impossibility or difficulty of determining the value of certain assets, like interests in a business, and whether one spouse should be awarded the business so it can be run without interference by the other spouse;
The tax consequences to each party;
Whether either spouse has wasted or used up any of the marital property while the divorce was ongoing;
Whether either spouse transferred or disposed of marital property at less than market value, knowing that the divorce would be happening;
any other factor the court deems relevant.

So as you can see, the individual judge assigned to the case has great discretion, so it is difficult to predict in advance what the judge may rule. An attorney that is familiar with the particular judge may be better able to provide an estimation based on the judge's past rulings.

Unfortunately since OR is a no fault divorce, the parties' misconduct is not relevant to the division of property. I would urge you to hire an attorney to ensure that you get what you are entitled to and certainly hope this process works out with minimal litigation for you.

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Customer reply replied 7 months ago
While that is great advice on divorce, what I am asking about is what to do at this moment. As I said, I cannot afford a divorce: i can't afford the fees and I can't afford to be on my own, as I explained with regards ***** ***** savings, housing. I am in a bind where things are horrible and she could always make them worse by leaving, but I wondered what options I have. Maybe this isn't a question that can be answered pointedly.
Customer reply replied 7 months ago
i tried to cancel this question before you answered, thinking it wasn't a question that could likely be answered to my satisfaction. more of a hail mary question at this point.
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