I'm Lucy, and I'd be happy to answer your questions today. I'm sorry to hear that this happened.
You cannot go to retrieve your belongings while there is a restraining order against you. Arguably, you also could not send someone else to pick them up, depending on the wording of the order.
The other first step here is usually to seek to get the order lifted. Usually a restraining order is only entered for 10 days without a hearing, and then you have an opportunity to go in and dispute it. Call the court to verify whether there's a hearing scheduled. If there isn't, you can file a Motion for Hearing in that court house, explaining that you were out of town and not notified of the hearing in time to attend. Depending on how quickly they can get you a hearing, that might be faster.
The other option is to file for divorce, then file a Motion asking the judge to allow you to go to the house at a stated date and time to get your items. She can choose not to be there during that time to avoid a violation of the order. You can ask police to do a civil standby to protect you in case she IS there. She can't lie and say you harassed or threatened her if police are there the entire time.
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