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I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Unfortunately, in New Jersey, restraining orders are only allowed for victims of domestic violence. Since you have not had that kind of relationship with your son's ex, then you would not be eligible to get one through the court system. Several states have ways that you can get peace orders and such against people without having had a domestic relationship with them, but unfortunately New Jersey is not one of them. The only way you can get an order keeping her away is through a no-contact order that is associated with criminal charges. It doesn't sound like the police are being particularly helpful. If you have evidence of a crime that she has committed, you can actually petition for charges yourself. You can go to the municipal court in the municipality where the crime occurred and apply for charges. A judicial officer will review your petition to see if cause exists to have the case go forward, so if you do apply, you will need to put in as much detail of the criminal activities as possible. If the judicial officer determines that there is probable cause to support the charges, then the case can move forward.
I'm sorry I can't give you better news about the restraining order but at least having the option to apply for criminal charges gives you a different option than waiting for the police to do something.