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FamilyAttorney, Lawyer
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 1503
Experience:  Owner, attorney in private practice, appellate attorney, GAL & former trial lawyer, licensed for 37 years
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Hi R, and thanks for asking for me again. My usual disclaimer is in place, that there is no attorney-client relationship here but by now you can probably recite it.

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
Lol. I re wrote my file a little. The problem I have with this is when u say u shouldn't say this or that. I get it. And I do what u say. But aren't judges tired of each side saying how perfect they are and how wrong the other side is? I mean wouldn't it be better if they got the feeling she is going on the attack and he is being honest? Anyway, I will send over my changes.

Yes the judges are tired of people saying how wonderful they are and how wrong the other side is. But in many cases that is the truth, but the judges usually feel that somewhere in the middle lies the truth.

My suggested changes are only suggestions.

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
i have another question. i understand abusers usually say they are sorry and just come back and hit the women again. what worries me is that by me in any way pursuing margaret and saying lets work this out, im sorry for x... i mean. do i look like an abuser because i " want the woman back ? " i mean she is the mother of my child. i love her. how am i supposed to feel ? also, since you know about abuse, if there has been arguing / verbal " abuse " is this as bad as hitting a woman ? i mean, margaret and i yelled at each other, sometimes cursed at one another. i told her im not oj simpson. we had problems.
Customer: replied 3 months ago.
margaret is trying to make me seem like im an abuser and i wonder by me being the crier if this is making me a " dead ringer" for an abuser ? i mean, the first time, she wrote some garbage like i left and he kept calling and texting me incessantly and went to my mother looking for me ( i didnt but i tried to talk to her because marg wouldnt ) so then she went on to say the typical bs that this made me feel alarmed and afraid. women do this and she is. on one hand i want to be reconciliatory and do the right thing and on the other hand it can be used against me. like no matter what i do is right ?

First, verbal abuse is as bad as physical abuse, sometimes worse. I don't know why you would look like an abuser if you wanted her back but if you were yelling at each other, cursing at each other, you may be well-advised to stay away because I think you're only asking for trouble legally, as well as emotionally. She can't be there for you emotionally right now, as you can see, and if you ask for her to come back she can claim you are stalking her. I know you're not but she would try to convince a court that you're stalking or harassing.

It WILL be used against you and I hate to say it but R, I would not advise it here. She's already shown that she is not to be trusted, I'm sorry to say.

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
from 28 down is different. you dont have to re read everything. i did put in margaret, my childs mother more often in the document. however, if i use it on every instance, it sounds crafted. not real. i will do what you say however. believe me.

My suggestions are just suggestions, believe me. Will you have a lawyer or you don't know yet?

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
no fa we yelled and cursed when we were together. not on the july 3rd 4th or 5th

Are you going to change this over from all caps to upper and lower case?

You just want me to read from 28, or do you want me to read before that?

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
certainly not with text messages either. this is why i also suspended the phone. i dont want to appear as if im stalking, bothering, etc.

Right. Which is why you don't have to pay for the phone. Let her pay for it but give her the chance to do that.

Don't contact her unless it's about your child, specifically.

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
after the house sells i plan on getting a lawyer if need be. right now, if i had to file these several docs through a lawyer i would be looking at way over 10 grand anyway. i figure, might as well get started with your good advice and let a lawyer carry the torch afterwards. understand though, if i think i am going to get your quality advice someplace else and the service you provide, good luck. i mean, palomino retained custody against margaret with a court appointed lawyer or by himself. margaret is no cpa / doctor looking for custody.
Customer: replied 3 months ago.
you give me peace of mind. when you go into this and have a lawyer who isnt putting in the work and charging you through the nose, it is nauseating. a double whammy + the custody issue which is stressful in addition.

Yes, it will be expensive but hopefully you can cut some of the cost. She doesn't want custody, which makes it easier, but the TOP bothers me.

Right, but she isn't seeking custody, correct? That should make it easier. It's the TOP here and the visitation that she wants. Those are the issues more than custody really from what you're telling me, if she doesn't want custody.

What would you like me to review?

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
i sent over the custody petition again and changed from number 28 down. i also have to leave at 6 to visit with the therapist. i also sent over a picture of the text i sent margaret.possibly in my other question.
the top i am going after with the order to show cause and the visitation i am going after with the temp order of protection against her for the child which i will file asap. i think i will be okay. dont worry.
Customer: replied 3 months ago.
honestly i feel more comfortable with you than when i paid yelena sharova 33k.

Okay, no problem. I just hope you will change the all caps into upper and lower case.

So you want me to review 28 and down?

If you have to leave now go ahead and I can check this for you and leave a response here. No worries.

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
28 down. when i spoke to margaret about a week ago she said that ( i dont know who ) told her of course you were getting up late, because you didnt want to get up because you were verbally abused, etc. I mean, this isnt so. margaret is truly exaggerating. this is what is hard for me. on one hand to admit i made mistakes and the other hand the other side saying YES YOU DID !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so when you're miss right like her i think its not real and then if you're honest like me that i have been hurt by margaret in many different ways, neglected, passive aggrression etc.a and then you have me that with all the pain starts looking at things like the glass is half full rather than half empty... i mean, the perfect liar looks like a liar and the honest person looks like a terrible person.this is what is stressing me out. like there is no answer.
Customer: replied 3 months ago.
im sorry but i have to go. my text message i sent is on the other question. pardon the mistake

I know you have to go.

I would redo 29 and shorten it, leave out how much money (there is a reference to a million dollars -- don't include that) and leave out a lot of the stuff about how you loved her and all that -- the judge will know that, you will be showing that in court, but there's too much in there that doesn't belong. It's not necessary to have that in there to get custody, so you're getting off track. You don't need it.

The question as an Atty for the Child (AFC) is: who should have custody in the best interests of the child?

I would redo #29 and the start of 29 is confusing too. I'd rather go over that with you when you're here. I'll be here later too.

I'm here if you are available. Just let me know.

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
I'm here just got back. Hold on please

Sure, no problem.

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
Hi family attorney. I will re write. I'm feeling a little unstable right now after coming from the therapist. You know, you go through all these emotions. This is what is so hurtful about abandonment. I mean, i cant even express my side and she express her side so we can figure this out. Yes I wished she would have said you dont have to work like that but maybe I was trying to be loved by impressing my girl. Its never like I was abusive to margaret but we had our verbal fights. She would take this signature look to the side that she got from her mom and whenever she would do that i knew I better take a deep breath and get ready because here it comes. You arent my psychologist and i dont want to ramble here but I'm trying to figure this out. i'm sorry. She was the first one in 2014 to start yelling in the relationship and its only because I said, you know if we cant be together all the time and you have to take the subway / bus and want to be safer, maybe you shouldnt wear makeup or something. I got an earful with that one. Then, I said, well i guess its okay anyway because im going to get a car soon. That's when she started yelling at me outside at a bus stop alone... you think i'm going to stop taking the subway and buses ? i've learned the transit system for nothing ? and i'm like, well you can learn a map and how to drive too ? i dont want my child on a nyc subway or bus when they can be in a car..... and there you go. I remember i wasnt yelling or anything and margaret was the first person to i guess you can say, to turn the relationship. she yelled at me, i at a different time yelled at her and there you go.....
im sorry fa. you arent paid to hear this but quite frankly i guess sometimes i was wrong, sometimes she was wrong sometimes both of us and for god sake, do we really have to be going to court first and therapy last ?
Customer: replied 3 months ago.
fa i need more time on that document. i'm sorry. i feel so mentally lost. i want to write the truth and honestly, im not sure what the truth is. after a while, if you dont go to therapy and fix small things, stuff gets so so out of control you dont know whose reacting to what hurt when. what comes first the chicken or the egg ?

Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm sure. I get it, really.

Don't be sorry. I'm here to help the "whole person" if I can.

If the relationship is not going to work out, therapy isn't going to necessarily work out. I know you want to hear that it will, but it's up to her at this point, and you don't want to be at her mercy, right?

I'm so sorry. I wish there was something I could do. But you have to protect yourself legally and that's most important, you have to protect your relationship with your child and protect your child.

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
have a good night and i will go back to work. thank you for everything. really. i wish you were a lawyer in new york. But its okay. your help has been so wonderful.

I wish there were something I could do.

Do you want me to help you with the documents?

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
no. it's okay really. let me relax a little with my daughter and come back to the doc and work on it. i have to take it from here.

I wish I could help you but I don't have any plans to be in NY until later on, no time soon.

I will just ask if you wouldn't mind rating. I have been here off an on today and reviewed your docs. If you need help I will be happy to do so.

I just don't want to see you submit a rambling document and that's what 29 is, okay? I understand the pain, I understand the desire to get it all out to the court, but honestly that is not what the pleadings are for. You want to be succinct and get your point across in the shortest possible paragraphs.

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
sure. no problem.
Customer: replied 3 months ago.
got it. i will re-work and wont submit without your approval

Thank you. I am here if you want to talk. Anytime. If I'm not here exactly when you are, I will be here later on, as you know.

FamilyAttorney and other Family Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 months ago.
thank you fa. i really do appreciate it. One thing I found, even with yelena about 2 years ago is when she would give me advice on the emotional side, it was right on. family court attorneys who are women have a lot of experience with this and almost like psychologists apparently in their own way.

We aren't psychologists but we have to be a little bit like social workers in our field. We deal with family issues every day plus we have our own experiences that we bring to the table.

Let me know when you are ready if you want some pointers on #29 because I would pare most of that down to one paragraph. I'm happy to help you, as you know. Get some rest and do something that makes you happy, like spending time with your daughter. :)

Thank you again for your generous bonus. Your generosity is much appreciated.

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
very true indeed.
Customer: replied 3 months ago.
i will. you're welcome and 29 will lose some weight. lol.

Good idea. It will be a lot better that way. Try to relax and have a good evening.

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Family attorney, I have made changes where I wouldn't have all bold capitals and I would just start the paragaphs in bold. However, can I just leave it on all capitals like I did? I can adjust the size. However, the only way I can go down from all capitals is to re write the whole thing. Do I seem like I'm yelling or something?
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Also, my ex in California is willing to write a letter on my behalf as to my character. However, I think it should be notarized and she doesn't think so. What do you think?
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
In my custody petition should I put in a picture of mini and I together?

Hi R, Yes it does appear to be yelling and it is difficult to read because of the all caps. If you change the size of the font that might help if you don't want to redo the whole thing.

It doesn't matter if the letter is notarized or not. The judge may or may not take it because the ex is not present in court so technically it's hearsay.

No, leave a photo out of you an Mini. You can introduce that into evidence when you get to court.

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
There are so many pages and exhibits too. R u sure I should include the exhibits and not just say up top exhibits will be available in court? I don't even know if the people behind the desk will take it if it's too long or unusual.
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Gosh I didn't even say hi. Uy.
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Maybe the extra exhibits will make it appear too large for the judge in the first place.
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Apparently I did 2 out of 3 petitions with capital and lowercase. One of them is all caps. I'll see.

It depends on what the exhibits are.

You do not need exhibits for custody or anything else usually. You may need exhibits for a TOP because you are saying you need a TOP why? You need a strong reason to get a TOP. Your petition for a family offense/TOP has to be strong, so you'll want to include whatever needs to be in there to get the TOP. Otherwise, do not include exhibits in the other petitions, generally, unless they are absolutely necessary and wait to put them into evidence in court.

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Fa, hello. How are you? I'm doing so so. I suffer in the morning and dream about margaret and I every night. I'm doing okay right now. I notice she isn't even listening to my voice messages of once a day, inviting her to visit her daughter so yeah. I am really left for dead. It's kind of helping me heal. She actually left me for dead? No wonder why we didnt get along.
I can't get much love from my dad because the psychologist calls him a mind f**ker. He's been a negative psychological force throughout my life.
I was crying yesterday because every time I take my daughter out to the playground, beach, toystore, etc., she kicks me, bites me, screams, cries and repeatedly punches me in the face if she has to leave 2-3 hours later. When I carry my child away I look like a child abductor. I never did this stuff to my daughter. Yeah, an occasional one slap on the butt but that's it. I stopped doing that since u told me not to. I take her out for like 2-3 hours to play and then we go for a ride in the convertible and she beats on me every day. She wakes up in the morning and doesn't want to know me and goes straight to the tv. I never see a child who abuses their parent like mini does me.
I feel like giving up sometimes and going back to my ex in california.
I wonder if I should write anything positive about margaret in my custody petition. Just tell the truth? I mean, she wasn't all bad. If you want me to open up a new question for this let me know. Sincerely, robert

I'm so sorry to hear about this.

I think you need to take your child to therapy asap. If not, she can become an abusive adult. As family lawyers, while we are not psychologists, we recognize situations where intervention is needed, and it is needed here! I never heard of a child who was that abusive at that age except for one 3 year old I had who was punishing his mother because his father said it was okay to be abusive. Your daughter needs help and you can't keep letting her get away with this anymore. It's sad, no doubt, but she's distraught and needs help.

You can say some good things about M, just don't go overboard. Yeah, Just Answer would like a new question opened up if it's a new topic. If it's a follow-up, then that's okay. So for now this is fine but if you want to ask a new question it would have to be a new post. I know you understand. We can stay here for now if this is about the same thing. If you want me to review papers, I explained that I charge a lot more for document review than for questions but I haven't because you've been amazingly generous. I just really read the papers without changing anything or editing anything. If you want me to edit, that's document review but if it's just to look at it, in an overall way, then we can stay here.

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
I understand fa. I just didn't know if what I said was a new topic. I know well about the doc review. I guess I just felt bad right now and just needed to vent a bit. Yes she needs therapy. You're right. I'm taking your advice about marg as well. I'm still working on the petitions and will keep you posted.

Okay, no problem. I think the most serious problem you have here is getting help for your daughter right away. The younger they are, the more early intervention can help. You will be fine without M because you know life goes on, and I'm not minimizing how you feel. We've all been there. I had a time once when I was morose for about a month, then one day I woke up and said, okay, I'm done mourning, and that was it, and I didn't look back. You have to do what works for you.

We also have mental health people here if you would like to talk with someone about M. That might help. I know you have a therapist but in-between therapy appointments, that might help you. Just a thought.

Okay, please keep me posted.

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
I also never did this to marg either. Mini was strange from the beginning. My ex in california thinks it's because of stress when she was in the womb

I can't answer that, but I know the child needs help.

One thing that would concern me. Do you know if M took any drugs while she was pregnant? I have had cases with children born addicted to pot, cocaine, heroine and alcohol and their behaviors were bizarre. I'm hoping that is not the case here.

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Well in a way, yes. Hold on
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
She was overdosed at a hospital with magnesium sulfate and almost died. This was the first time I saved her life and my daughter. They were having trouble hearing a hearbeat on mini before I intervened on marg and unborn minis behalf. I got marg out of there and she was sick as he'll, had trouble breathing which is what happens to a human when od on mag s. I rushed her to the hospital and begged them to give her oxygen, the ems too. No one wanted to help. It was the most bizarre nightmare. Unless marg was collapsed on the floor she would have to wait in the er. I begged the ems ambuance to give her o2 and they wouldn't. I carried marg to the car, turned the ac on full and fanned her as hard as I could for 2 hours straight.
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
I begged them for at least a fan. She can't breathe I said!!!!! She's pregnant.
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
I wish marg can remember this. At least be there for me as I was for you on a human level. We had arguments, fights. But by no means was I or us some type of domestic violence house. There was abuse between my dad and mom. I mean, my mom never even yelled at him. Marg hit me in the face twice about 2 years ago and I never hit her back. My mom would have been dead.

Wow -- that's horrible. I can relate. I had a stillbirth after 8 mos. and not hearing a heartbeat was one of the saddest days of my life.

You may want to explore this with the pediatrician. I don't know anything about magnesium sulfate and how it affects a fetus but your doctor probably will. I would seriously raise this issue. I thought I might be on track here and I'm sorry I was. Mini's behavior is unusual, even for a split up family. I would suggest seeing the pediatrician and therapist asap because this is not normal behavior for a child.

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Got it. Makes sense indeed.
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
You were unto something. Very good thinking indeed.
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
The mag was reducing blood pressure in marg and fetus

Wow. Yeah, my instincts are pretty good when it comes to children. I would follow up with this -- pediatrician -- does he/she know about this? And therapist, who must be told about this also. No child who had a normal birth should be acting like this.

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Marg has high BP because she bleeds so much on her period that it is how her body handles the blood and BP loss. The pregnancy tends to bring up BP. So they were trying to bring it down to normal for a possible delivery and in the process just about killed both of them.

Awful. But it may have had a major effect on mini. I would follow up with that asap.

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
I thought it was a miracle she was okay after this. Maybe she isn't totally ok

If we discuss this anymore I would suggest that you post a new question but otherwise I think you know what you need to do.

I am not a psychologist or a doctor. I can only tell you from my experience as an Attorney for Children that this is not normal behavior based on what I have seen, and based on the kids who were addicted when they were born. THOSE children behaved like this.

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
10-4. Certainly. I understand.
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
I'll $ make it up to you on the next question.

You don't need to. No problem. You've been more than generous. I just wanted to help and I hope you understand I was not trying to get you upset but based on what you told me, I suspected an addiction of some kind. I've seen kids who have been addicted to just about everything, and their behavior is often out of control.

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Oh no. Not upset at all. U know, I bring up something that I don't think is going to go far and you surprise me with your input. If I could have I would have paid again believe me.
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
I'm going to open another question now

I have a lot of experience and good instincts. I have to move on but I know you will take care of mini. I would use physician and psychologist or child psychiatrist.