Both my parents are 74 years old and have been married about 55 years. They have resided in a home they own in Blackfoot ID for 40 years. Three daughters ages 43, 49, 50 all college educated (one HD diagnosed). Our mother
is in the last two stages of dementia and needs constant care. My father has Huntingtons Disease that strips his brain of any and all emotion and reason. My parents are the quintecnetial old school married couple where my dad is a small minded, hillbilly racest that has abused all of us his entire life, while our browbeaten and timid mother made excuses for him. I liken dad to a velociraptor (he is a preditor and you better stay out of his way). We were raised by my sweet mother that “your father didn’t ask for his huntingtons disease and he cant help it”. So he had carte blanch to be a rageaholic that literally levitates with spitting rages an inch from her face but as long as he doesn’t actually strike her its ok and they are a sucessful example of how to stay married.
My 2 sisters and I are completely at odds in regards ***** ***** mother. My sisters say dad cant help it and put his feelings above my mothers just like they were taught to do. But My point of view is ….we have spent over 200 accumlative years of energy on my dad with no change ever occuring and its pointless. My mom who has had a misserable misserable life and should finally have her turn in life. For 3 years I have drug her out of dads basement and moved her in with me and they drag her back to my dad. I am disowned by my father (obviously) and both sisters are on all the legal paperwork so I have to go along with them or risk them blocking my limited access to my mother.
Well last week they finally realized that my moms disease has gone into horrible horrible overdrive and they both agreed that she deserved better than dads house due her being completely helpless. They pulled her out of his house and were going to put her in a nursing home. I begged them to let me have her instead and now she is in my home in Boise, (thank god). Through the grapevine I heard my father is going to charge me with kidnapping my mother. No paperwork has been filed by anyone to my knowledge. My sister who controls the money said I can have $800 a month to care for mom because that’s what my mom’s monthly Social Security payment is. So being on the opposite side of the spectrum my first thought was that’s it? That’s what her life time of work is worth? My dad’s abuse pushes her out of her own home of 40 years, and she is entitled to $800 crappy dollars a month. Shouldn’t my dad’s money be her money too? What are her rights? I reach out to you because I don’t know if I need an elder abuse attorney or a family law
I had dreams of caring for my mom with field trips to museums and getting her hair done. I want my father to pay for her care and I want my sisters to STOP SACRIFICING MY MOM to my dad. She is at the end of her life and she deserves to have a tiny bit of adventure (even though her brain is completely gone, she is awesome physical shape) quality caregiving and a peaceful death help to keep her safe. What would you do if you were me?Thank you!