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I live in a blended family for 10 years that is very one

sided and inconsiderate to me...
I live in a blended family for 10 years that is very one sided and inconsiderate to me and my daughter. My wife has made life very difficult for me and won't accept that I have a child and acts mentally out of control, emotionally irrational and abusive for 10 years. Meanwhile, she still has her 25 year old son living off us in our 2br apartment, a 20 year old son who has a 4 year old child who takes over our house as well. She puts them above everything and let's them take over our apartment, but she acts jealous and irrational and complains about my daughter, one Child of mine, who is respectful and stays to herself living with us. I am totally convinced that she has a mental disorder and shows no empathy for me or anyone except her children. I want to serve her with a divorce, but if we're still living together she will make a scene and turn her kids against me. She freaks out and the police will be called, she makes scenes and begs me not to leave and promises to change, but it only takes a few days for her to start saying bad provoking things to me. I need to get me and my daughter away from her. Is there any way I can have family court order her and her kids to leave the aparrment? Her 25 year old son is not on the lease and neither is her 4 year old grandchild who destroys our home and even brought bedbugs in the house and she wont even stop him from coming over for a couple days to exterminate. Very codependant. They're not suppose to be here. I think it is fair that she should leave with her kids, especially because there not on our lease and I never agreed for the older son or grandchild to live here, and being as I accepted her kids, but she could never accept mine, and her kids caused 10 times more problems. Can the courts help with this? I'm finding it very hard to find another apartment, and it's not fair how she let her kids and grand child take over the home and have no rules.
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Answered in 2 minutes by:
6/26/2017
Legal Eagle
Legal Eagle, Lawyer
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 7,386
Experience: Licensed to practice before state and federal court
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Hello! My name is ***** ***** I am a licensed attorney, admitted to practice in state and federal court. I'll be here to help today! Do you mind if I take a moment to review your question?

Please keep in mind that our conversation does not include an attorney-client relationship and this is for general information purposes only. By the way, the system will automatically ask for a phone call. I am happy to speak with you, but by no means are you required to accept it.

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Hello, I'm sorry, but I must opt out of this question. I'll let another expert take it over for you.

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Customer reply replied 6 months ago
Will another take it?
FamilyAttorney
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 1,548
Experience: Owner, attorney in private practice, appellate attorney, GAL & former trial lawyer, licensed for 37 years
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Hello and thanks for using Just Answer. I’m a licensed attorney with 37 years’ extensive experience in family law, trials, appeals, landlord-tenant, and other types of law.

This is general information and not legal advice. No specific course of action is proposed, and no attorney-client relationship is formed. This is for educational purposes only.

Also, I’d like to review your question for a minute and type your answer. If I am not here for a few minutes, that means I am typing your answer. THIS IS NOT YOUR ANSWER YET so please allow me time to type it up for you. It may take a few minutes, so please understand that. Thanks!

I wanted to take your question because I'm a NY attorney and I saw the question sitting here. I also see you asked another question about an appeal from Sup Ct. matrimonial. I am an appellate attorney. Appeals from Sup Ct go to the Appellate Division. It depends which department you are in by county and then I can tell you what Appellate Division your Supreme Court case gets appealed to.

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I'm sure you realize that her children are not going to be your biggest fans after they are forced out of the apartment, so I wouldn't worry about what they think. It's probably not going to make a difference whether they are forced out by court order during a matrimonial or whether they have a landlord-tenant case against them. This would have to be done in matrimonial court and not landlord-tenant because the issue of the apartment is tied to a potential matrimonial case.

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Customer reply replied 6 months ago
Thanks. I have a few problems going on simultaneous. But the previous question was about were does an appeal go after Nassau County family court, if I disagree with decision. But the mote recent question about the blended family is not urgent.

Appellate Division Second Department. I have an office in Westchester and I am in the App Div 2nd Department all the time. That's where the case is appealed to.

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I can answer this question if you like. That's why I came here.

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You're in Nassau so this is similar to Westchester matrimonial which I used to do for many years. This has to be brought in Supreme Court matrimonial part. You're going to want an attorney to do this for you. I don’t always say to get a lawyer, but in this instance I would because doing a matrimonial case alone is not a good move. There are procedural landmines for non-lawyers.

We aren't allowed to refer to any particular lawyer. However, what I do here, which helps my customers tremendously, is I give you a list of lawyers in your area and I'll show you how easy it is to pick one. I have a short, easy to understand free guide and it will show you what to look for in an attorney. I will also look for LegalAid and pro bono attorneys in your area if you tell me to do that. I just need to know where to look. The bigger the city the better. My customers tell me they have found great lawyers from my information. This part is free of charge -- I do this as a courtesy to my customers here. Just let me know if you want this information.

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I don't know if you have an attorney but if you don't, I would suggest getting one. If you have one and like your attorney, then you'll want to stick with him or her.
It will not matter who is on the lease and who isn't unless this was your apartment before you were married. Was it your apartment or was this bought or rented together during the marriage?

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I also see you have her grandchild and a child not on the lease. If she had occupancy of the apartment, she can allow people to stay there unless there is a habitability problem. If it's a habitability problem, you can do a landlord-tenant case against the son and grandchild, but it's not going to make you really popular with her. Either that or you can do all of this at one shot in the matrimonial court.

In Sup Ct, matrimonial part, exclusive use and occupancy of a house or apartment is almost always an issue. You're going to want exclusive use and occupancy here. In order to get that, a divorce has to be filed and at the same time, a motion is filed for pendente lite relief, which is immediate temporary relief. That will ask for exclusive use and occupancy of the apartment for you and for your daughter and that would mean, if granted, the judge would make her leave with her various children and grandchild. You'd have to show that this is a toxic situation having them there, having her there, and that she can either be self-supporting or that you can contribute to her living expenses.

Family Court is not the place for this action or this motion. This all belongs in Sup Ct.

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Customer reply replied 6 months ago
We rented together 10 7 years ago. The only kids on the lease was my daughter and her younger son, both 14 years old at the time. But she over crowded the house and caused a disaster letting her older son Back Home from drug rehab and letting the grandchild take over, all without my consent. I been through divorce before and I have no problem doing the case myself, I just think its better we don't live together when it's going on. So there's no way of getting her to move out without the long divorce process?

You can try to do a landlord-tenant case to get the others out, but I used to do landlord-tenant before I did matrimonial and family court trials and appeals. The civil court, landlord-tenant part, may act on the others in the apartment but not on your wife. The civil court will want to know if the marriage is staying together or not, and because it's not, the landlord-tenant court will generally not act on this and defer to the S Ct and will tell you to bring this in Supreme. The S Ct judge makes the decision as to who stays in the house or not. If you try to do a landlord-tenant case against the children, there's a chance they can be removed, but you know she is going to fight that so you will have to show that there is a habitability problem, such as the child is destroying the apartment and things of that nature. The civil court, though, will generally not require her to move out and will refer you to bring your action in Supreme Court in a matrimonial.

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The long divorce process is shortened by an immediate pendente lite motion. If you've done this before, are you familiar with the pendente lite motion?

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Customer reply replied 6 months ago
Sad, the only toxic person is her, and out of control grandchild, who just infested our house with bedbugs from daycare, and she still won't make him stay away whith the mother until extermination is complete.
But yes I'm familiar and heard about that motion. How long does it usually take?
Honestly, so you think its easier for me to leave with my daughter and the file divorce? It's gonna be a real bad atmosphere while this is going on. I can't even let on that I want to leave or she goes crazy making insane scenes.

You don't have to leave. I can't help the scenes that she makes, but you file your pendente lite motion at the same exact time as you file the divorce complaint. You ask for the kitchen sink, whatever you think you might get. I don't know who is the "monied" spouse but if you're asking for maintenance then you ask for that in a pendente lite motion too, you ask for exclusive use and occupancy of the apartment, ask for personal property or whatever else you want immediately. A pendente lite motion often takes a month or so in Westchester but can be longer occasionally. I have heard of Nassau courts being backed up, so it's going to be at least a month at the outset. However, you can ask for immediate exclusive use and occupancy while this motion is pending if there are issues, and raise all the issues you have, including the bed bugs and the other things that are going on. You can ask for any restraining order that you may want to get too. This is a motion where you ask for everything including the kitchen sink, so to speak.

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If she is abusive, I don't know what type of abuse is going on, but you would want to ask for an order of protection at the same time.

If she is truly abusive, you can get her out of the apartment by filing for an order of protection in Family Court. You will ask for the judge to order her and her family out of the apt, or in the alternative, to order her out of the apt. If you can prove the abuse, you might get her out of the apt by that route.

Is the abuse of significant magnitude that the court will sit up and take notice that this is domestic violence? DV is emotional as well as physical.

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Customer reply replied 6 months ago
Unfortunately, it's all verbal and mental. She has symptoms of someone with borderline personality disorder. She wakes me up yelling and accusing me of things I'm not doing, very paranoid, very unbearable to live with. 2 counselors and to pastors tried to address the issue, but she cut them off and won't talk to anyone. The sad thing is, her kids are not the problem, they are nice to me and my daughter, the bot***** *****ne is she is mentally ill and narcistic and I her own kids knew what she Did to me behind closed doors they wouldn't agree with her, but her bad behavior is hidden, everything is vented on me. So if I'm gonna have her out out it's not gonna work with her kids staying, they won't understand. I would have left a long time ago if it weren't so hard tobf8nd a place in long island. Considering taking my daughter To Florida for a while to break away. She wants to move their also and it's easier and more affordable. If it were only my wife in the house I would file a stay away order, but it's her 2 boys also.

Again, you can try to get her out IF you have enough to prove that there is domestic violence and she's the cause of it. Otherwise, you will have to do this in matrimonial court. I know you want an answer that you can get her right out, but that's not going to be the case, with one exception. I've been doing this for many years in NY, and this is the procedure. The only way around S Ct is if you can prove a family offense and get an order of protection which can remove her from the house. That's the exception.

Does this answer your question?

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I understand. I also understand because I have had many clients and opponents with narcissistic BPD. There's nothing worse to deal with except maybe a schizophrenic opponent. You can ask for the entire family to leave by restraining order but that's unlikely. The order will ask her to leave, not the kids. I do understand all too well what narcissistic BPD looks like behind closed doors and how different it is in public. You can have the counselor do an affidavit to support your application for a family offense.

I wish I could give you the answer that you want, but I'm sure you want the truth from me, and that's what I'm giving you. I am just the messenger and I am telling you honestly what you can do. Emotional abuse can be worse than physical abuse, so this qualifies as DV. But a court would likely exclude her only and not the kids. They didn't do anything. You'd then have to do a landlord-tenant case to get them out.

Again, I'm just the messenger and I'm not going to give you an answer you just want to hear. I'm going to give you the correct answer. I'm sorry this is not what you want to hear but I'm telling you the law and the procedure.

Does this answer your question or would you like additional information?

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Customer reply replied 6 months ago
Unfortunately, it's all verbal and mental. She has symptoms of someone with borderline personality disorder. She wakes me up yelling and accusing me of things I'm not doing, very paranoid, very unbearable to live with. 2 counselors and to pastors tried to address the issue, but she cut them off and won't talk to anyone. The sad thing is, her kids are not the problem, they are nice to me and my daughter, the bot***** *****ne is she is mentally ill and narcistic and I her own kids knew what she Did to me behind closed doors they wouldn't agree with her, but her bad behavior is hidden, everything is vented on me. So if I'm gonna have her out out it's not gonna work with her kids staying, they won't understand. I would have left a long time ago if it weren't so hard tobf8nd a place in long island. Considering taking my daughter To Florida for a while to break away. She wants to move their also and it's easier and more affordable. If it were only my wife in the house I would file a stay away order, but it's her 2 boys also. It would be pretty akward living with my stepbsons after having their mom put out of the house. Very bad situation for me.

I answered this but it didn't take so I'm going to have to do it again, okay? Sorry. That's not my fault. Sometimes if our answers cross at the same time one of them gets knocked out and it's usually the expert's. So I have to retype that. Be right back with that.

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I said something to the effect as follows: that verbal and mental abuse is sometimes worse than physical abuse, so that is DV. I understand people with Narcissistic BPD because I've dealt with many such people. I do know that what goes on behind closed doors is totally different from public behavior.

I understand this is not the answer that you want. I am just the messenger. I have been doing this for 37 years and have a top-notch reputation as a well-prepared and solid attorney. You can do this by filing a family offense in Family Court but you would have to file a separate action in landlord-tenant court for the kids because it is unlikely that the court would order the kids out, as they haven't done anything in the way of a family offense.

I am giving you an honest answer and I know you want the truth from me. I can't give you an answer that you want to hear if it's not the right answer. I make sure to give the correct answer to my customers here. I take questions that I'm extremely familiar with and this is one of them.

I'm sorry that this is the situation. If you can have one of the counselors sign an affidavit about her behavior, that would help your family offense case against her. Many times in FO cases, the judge will have the offending party removed from the household. That's a lot faster than a divorce action and than even doing a pendente lite motion, but you have to prove it.

Does this answer your question or would you like more information? Please know that I'd love to give you the answer you want to hear but that wouldn't be the right answer.

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Customer reply replied 6 months ago
i appreciate your honesty. I really want to leave. So does my daughter. I think i may have to go to Florida for affordability.
Financially, she has 25 thousand in the bank from a workers comp settlement. I have nothing, only few thousand cash hidden. Im on SSD $2118 a monthbincome due to injury.She isn't working, but she can shes looking, but has more means to find a place than me. Am I entitled to half her workers comp or is that exclusive for her? I spent like all my savings carrying her and her 24 year old son past 2 years while she was out of work on workers comp. They just settled.

This is a separate question and should be posted as such.

That being said, this is one aspect of the division of property that I haven't dealt with so I can't answer this new question for you. I think it's important to get an answer to it though because that could affect your future earnings. Some states divide it down the middle such as community property states, and other states won't touch it or will release money that is considered marital leaving the injury portion for her and the lost earnings part as marital property which is allowed to be divided. I am not sure which formula NY uses for this, but I would post this as a separate question.

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Have I answered your original question? As you know, NY is an equitable distribution state, so it's unlikely this will be split down the middle. Please post this new question as a new post. Thank you. I have spent a lot of time here, more than I'm supposed to, to answer your initial question.

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Someone opted out of your question and I took it because I didn't want it sitting there. We are supposed to be here no longer than a half hour and I've been here over an hour.

I would appreciate it you would rate me because this has taken me away from other customers but I spent this time exclusively with you to help you. I'm sorry that the answer was not what you want but again I'm just the messenger.

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I've actually been here an hour and a half, so if you would please give me a fair rating I would appreciate it. I've gone above and beyond to answer your questions. Thank you.

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Please accept my answer, and please rate my answer as one of the top three faces/stars (5, 4 or 3 stars, 5 stars would be much appreciated as I ALWAYS strive to give you 5 star service!). This can be found AT THE TOP OF THE PAGE and then submit, as this is how I get credit for my time with you and with your question. I work hard to give you a thorough and honest answer. Please let me know if there is more that I can do to answer your question and if you need more information such as where to find lawyers. If not, I thank you for your rating. I can’t get credit for answering your question without your fair and honest rating. I have given you the benefit of my legal knowledge and 37 years of experience as well as my time.

Feel free to come back here for a follow-up question based on this one.
You're welcome to ask follow-up questions at any time, any day after I'm rated, free of charge.

We are not employees of Just Answer but are independent contractors, so your rating is very important to us so that we can be reimbursed for our work. Thank you! I'd rather be given the chance to add more information than be rated negatively, so I thank you for that.

If you want to ask for me specifically another time -- for a new question -- ask for "NYFamilyAttorney ONLY" and I will get the question. Otherwise you can come right back into this room for follow-ups, free of charge.

Best of luck to you!

I strive for 5 star service every time, so if there's anything else I can do to earn that, I'm happy to do so.

FamilyAttorney
Category: Family Law
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Experience: Owner, attorney in private practice, appellate attorney, GAL & former trial lawyer, licensed for 37 years
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Customer reply replied 6 months ago
Thank you so much. You are excellent. I'm giving 5 star rating. How do I get you exclusively for future questions?

Thank you for your rating. Much appreciated.

You can ask for "NYFamilyAttorney Only" just like that, and it should get to me. I work here late at night, so that's the best time to post the question. I'm often on here till 12 or 1 a.m.

Just so you know, I'm also an AFC (Attorney for the Child) in NY, so I look at this from that angle too -- the angle of the child and what would the court do in that instance. Now I'm exclusively doing appeals for children to the App Div 2nd Dept. so I am in-between appeals right now, having just finished one.

I will see an email if you are looking for me, and I usually answer the same day and certainly try to. A late night post or even a late afternoon post will get to me more likely than one in the morning as I'm a night owl.

Thank you!

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DISCLAIMER: Answers from Experts on JustAnswer are not substitutes for the advice of an attorney. JustAnswer is a public forum and questions and responses are not private or confidential or protected by the attorney-client privilege. The Expert above is not your attorney, and the response above is not legal advice. You should not read this response to propose specific action or address specific circumstances, but only to give you a sense of general principles of law that might affect the situation you describe. Application of these general principles to particular circumstances must be done by a lawyer who has spoken with you in confidence, learned all relevant information, and explored various options. Before acting on these general principles, you should hire a lawyer licensed to practice law in the jurisdiction to which your question pertains.

The responses above are from individual Experts, not JustAnswer. The site and services are provided “as is”. To view the verified credential of an Expert, click on the “Verified” symbol in the Expert’s profile. This site is not for emergency questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals. Please carefully read the Terms of Service (last updated February 8, 2012).

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