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Lucy, Esq.
Lucy, Esq., Lawyer
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 30391
Experience:  Attorney with experience in family law.
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You answered my question yesterday. I need to ask another:

Customer Question

Hi. You answered my question yesterday. I need to ask another: My soon to be ex wife texted me and asked to come and get the kids for an overnight today and bring back tomorrow. She has a PT job here and has been driving up to work a few days a week up here, ( I did not know this until a couple of weeks ago) but NOT coming to get our kids for her every other weekend as previously described. I have told her she can come and take our kids to dinner and hang out until 9 pm but we have plans for Wednesday and the kids are already with me for Thanksgiving. She has NO respect for the agreement we made and she wants to make her own schedule whenever she pleases. This is what she is telling me, her own schedule. I have majority custody until the trial next year and until she moves back to our city. I have told her I will try to work with her somewhat but if she is NOT going to make it for the every other weekends when she is NOT working then I can’t be responsible if she texts and asks for the kids, and we have other plans. Our kids are busy with their lives since she has been gone for 11 months and the emotional pain they experience when she does not show up is destroying them. In their best interest, she needs to show up per the agreement. She is trying to manipulate the situation and has no regard for what it is doing to our children. HELP. How do I get her to live up to the agreement and work with me. She hates when anyone tells her what to do, even a judge. I am struggling.
Submitted: 11 months ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Lucy, Esq. replied 11 months ago.


I'm sorry that you're having so much trouble.

You can simply tell her no. You have no legal obligation to hand the kids over just because she wants you to. If she shows up, you don't have to answer the door, or you can call the police. You've got a court order granting you custody, and she can't make you turn the children over any other time. You could also try asking the judge to order that all communication go through a third party to help avoid this situation in the future.

Please rate my answer positively to ensure I get credit for the time I spend helping. If you are on a mobile device, you may need to scroll to the right. Thank you.

Customer: replied 11 months ago.
Thank you. We are supposed to be using the third party sight but she goes back and forth to the third party sight and to my personal phone. Can I block her from my phone, text wise. If she ever does shows up to get the kids on her weekend then I could turn the block off until they are back home again. RIGHT?Another thing is: During mediation, she is saying that a small company I have is worth 3 times what it really is. It is such a small company, equipment for TV commercials, and is not worth a lot anymore as the equipment is over 3 years old. It depreciates fast. I told her she can have it appraised at any time she wants. I am barely making it and she wants everything on a silver platter. I have nothing to give...I gave all my financials to my atty and he showed her and the mediator but she refuses to believe I have nothing to give her. She has not made any attempt to have my equipment appraised. I gave the total of everything. My wife walked out on us back in January and chose a wild lifestyle. Now, she thinks she can ask for the house and the kids, alimony and more. Our children have suffered more than I can even begin to explain. I lost my career because she walked out and deserted me and our kids. It has been 11 months since she left and she blames me for her not seeing the kids. She tried to steal them a few times. She was doing drugs and her boyfriend is a fugitive. So, I would only allow her to come here to see them to go to the park, out to eat, etc. I could not trust her to take them off. Drug testing will be part of the trial if it gets to that point. She has said such hateful things and like I said earlier, will not do anything someone else tells her to do. She is ashamed of what she has done and is lashing out at me. I am so tired of her tirades and pray so hard for this to be over. But I need her to go by the rules and especially not run me down. I do not have a motion about her running me down and blaming me to our kids. They are going through so much pain, anger and feelings of worthlessness. I wish there was more I could do to protect them and make this easier. I want our kids to see their mother but not with so much disappointment when she doesn’t show and them wants to come whenever it fits her schedule. Isn’t there something I can do to make all this easier.
?? How can she accuse me of having more than I have and not have the proof to say it. That is so wrong. Why is that allowed??? Why doesn’t she owe some child support the 11 months she has been gone? She worked part time for 3 years before walking out. She has had 11 months to do “something” for our kids. She has done NOTHING?? At what point do I tell the judge she is not showing up on her weekends and get some help with all this??? Should I have her drug tested now, with her erratic behavior and not showing up it seems the smart thing to do? And, when she does not get her way, she is NON STOP with her texts and insults. Isn’t there someway to alleviate this. It is brutal and so unnecessary, I refuse to stoop to her level but I am needing a breather. Your suggestions? Can they reprimand her and tell her to stop the tirades AND stop sending them to our 12 year old son. It is hurting him so much.?? Lastly, how will a judge look at the fact that when she walked out, I had to give up my job to be with our kids. We were fixing to move to Atlanta and she just took off. I was already working up there and coming home on weekends or she would come up. I came home for the holidays and we were getting the house ready to list and she leaves. POOF. Did not even say goodbye to the kids. She wrote me a letter saying she was leaving and wanted her own life, she would never take the kids, etc. She said she was jealous of me., and so on. I had a 6 figure job and now it is gone. I would never desert our kids and with this little company and some commercial work locally I am able to just get by. Will she look bad in the judges eyes that I had to give up my job? She walked out on hers. All we have is debt and nothing to show for all my work. She took our 21 charge cards this past year and they are all sitting there. In her name. THIS is what I am facing.Thank you for answering me and for your help.
Expert:  Lucy, Esq. replied 11 months ago.

There is nothing in the law that stops you from telling her that you'll be blocking her number and to use sight for all further communications. You can absolutely do that. (and are free to unblock at will later).

You're free to tell the judge at any time that she's not honoring visitation as part of a request to change it. But judges usually won't force a parent to spend time with their kids - it's considered not beneficial to the children to be with a child who's there against their will. But you can tell the judge and ask that he tell her to refrain from texting you to request other visits in exchange, and then she's in contempt if she violates those other orders.

Regarding everything else, I'm afraid that's not considered related to the original inquiry about visitation. I have to ask you to open a new question for all of that stuff. It's late, and I was about to sign off for the night. If you can wait until morning, I'm happy to answer it, but otherwise, there are plenty of other experts still online.

Please rate my answer positively to ensure I get credit for the time I spend helping. If you are on a mobile device, you may need to scroll to the right. Thank you.

Customer: replied 11 months ago.
That is: in the end of the next to last paragraph, "she took OUT 21 charge cards...."
Expert:  Lucy, Esq. replied 11 months ago.

Did you see my last response? It looks like you posted at the exact moment I did, and you may have missed it.

Customer: replied 11 months ago.
I saw your response. My last entry was just correcting a word I misspelled. I did not know my question needed to be about one subject only. I opened a new question for these questions so I could ask you additional information. No other professional has minded a couple questions, same subject or not. I’m sorry to have bothered you. Thank you for your help.
Expert:  Lucy, Esq. replied 11 months ago.

It's not a bother, but the site tracks the type and number of questions we answer. All experts are supposed to ask that unrelated questions go on a new question page. We also get paid per question, so when a customer introduces 5 new topics in the middle of a question, the total pay for time spent works out to less than minimum wage. I'm sorry, but I can't do that.

Expert:  Lucy, Esq. replied 11 months ago.

The only other question I see for you isn't in my area of expertise, but if you need more help with this family law issue, I'm happy to answer new question pages.