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Sue, Family Law Attorney
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 131
Experience:  Family Law litigator for over 35 years
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My girlfriend ex/fiancé went and got a protection order

Customer Question

My girlfriend ex/fiancé went and got a protection order against me because we were e mail fighting badly.. When served I just said fine it's over, went to court( should have brought an attorney ) to surmise she was granted the order for two years. I was fine and happy with that and never intended on seeing her again .. Two weeks later crying telling me she loves me made a big mistake and loves me. She wants to get rid of the restraining order but is in a custody battle with her ex quite insane husband who found out about it and had his attorney draft a letter saying if I came around within the next two years they would take custody of her son .. I'm not going to break the order and go to jail that's for sure but he is telling his son he's going to find a way to have me thrown in jail. He's made false CPS reports on me , lied to family court claiming I have an extensive criminal history, etc. I have no criminal history and have never been violent with anyone. If she goes in and asks for the order to be dropped so we can continue our relationship ( by the way she used her sons name under the order to ) She said she was required to. Their attorney does a lot of gas lighting, name-calling, and turned in the falls background report on me . She scares very easy and he's breaking every part of every agreement they made but he can get away with it he's an amazing narcissist. The child loves and misses me, never any violence or foul words when the three of us were together. Either she gets the order dropped or as the ex-husband is telling his son he's going to find a way to have me thrown in jail !! I'm scared because he's capable of phenomenal lies and these sociopaths are very believable. If she removes the order how can it adversely affect her? The order has caused more harm than good that's for sure. She only got it because I told her I was going to get one against her if she didn't leave my mother alone via Tele .. Eight hours after I said that she filed. The attorney for her husband wrote a nasty letter saying she will go to court for immediate custody of the child but that was if the order was broken. We're trying to find a eloquent way to quash this order it was a big mistake but she has to do it herself. I will not disobey this order
Submitted: 9 months ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Sue replied 9 months ago.

Hi. I am a licensed family law attorney for over 35 years, and have been involved in protective order cases. I am here to help you today. I am reviewing your question and will be typing a reply. I will be back momentarily.


Customer: replied 9 months ago.
Expert:  Sue replied 9 months ago.

It sounds like a lot may be at stake in your situation. Over the last 30 years, the burden of proof in protective order cases has shifted pretty dramatically in favor of the (alleged) victim, meaning, most judges would rather err on the side of safety than take a chance.

Does your order prohibit all contact, or are you and your girlfriend permitted to communicate in some way? If you are prohibited from any contact, your current communication may be a violation of the Order. Do you think it is?

Was a domestic violence victim advocate, as they are called, assisting your girlfriend in filling out the protective order paperwork?

If your girlfriend asks the Court to remove the Order there are several things both of you can expect. The Judge may quiz your girlfriend fairly vigorously as to her state of mind, e.g., fearful, and why she filed in the first place if she is asking to remove the order 2 or 3 weeks later. She may also be counseled by any victim advocate who was involved. While I've seen it done, it is not all that common for protective order withdrawal requests to be granted.

There is a serious threat that if the protective order is withdrawn that your girlfriend's ex-husband and his attorney can try to take custody of their son, and/or restrict access to her and you.

Is anyone involved in counseling?

One idea may be for both you and your girlfriend to seek therapy, as that is often looked upon favorably by judges. It should be with therapists who are familiar with the dynamics of domestic violence and the variations, such as yours, that occur. The point would be to 1) address any threatening behavior on either your or your girlfriend's part, 2) to help stabilize your relationship and, if possible given the current custody order, 3) to get some therapeutic support for the boy.

Affordable therapy is often available at community mental health centers or your local Mental Health Association. Although many people are reluctant to go into therapy, what the Courts like is to see a significant period of therapy (6 months, maybe), with a very brief report to the Court that real progress has been made. Plus, it rarely hurts to get supportive therapy for a child involved with a crazy dad and a mom who has had some conflict with her boyfriend/fiancee.

There is a catch, though, and that is that the ex-husband's attorney can try to go after the therapy records. So the very first subject for discussion with the counselor should be confidentiality and the limits thereon, given active court cases.

If you need more help or have follow up questions, please let me know.

I hope I have given you excellent service today. Kindly chose a rating.

Thank you.


Expert:  Sue replied 9 months ago.

I am going off line now, but will check back tomorrow to see if you would like further assistance.

Take care.


Customer: replied 9 months ago.
The phone might be best.. We have never fought in person only via text and the basis of it all is always her ex-husband. Sometime tomorrow I would like to speak with you thank you very much this is an extremely complicated case
Expert:  Sue replied 9 months ago.

JustAnswer is saying there was a payment failure, I guess for a premium service request. I would like to request feedback from them before proceeding.

How much phone time are you looking for?


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