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Lucy, Esq.
Lucy, Esq., Lawyer
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 29822
Experience:  Attorney with experience in family law.
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What is a reasonable custody plan to have with your ex

Customer Question

What is a reasonable custody plan to have with your ex husband who is abusive towards me, his wife (have not yet filed for divorce) when living 600 miles away in seperate states? The child is 3. I am asking the court to change a current order from 2 years ago which is shared custody 50/50. I want to get full custody 100% and alloud to move to idaho from ca, where all my family and friends live, i have no one in ca except my husband and i can't take the physical, emotional, and verbal abuse any more, and our child does not deserve to have to see the abuse in any way it may be. It is in the best interest of the child to be with her mother in idaho where she has family and support, dispite what happens between her dad and me, it's still her dad, and although she doesn't spend the time with him that she deserves due to his narcissist ways selfishness, she does love her dad, i would like to know what could work for the 3 of us that's relatively fare, but also reasonable being that/her father is 600 miles away.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Lucy, Esq. replied 1 year ago.


I'm Lucy, and I'd be happy to answer your questions today. I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

If the father is mentally, verbally, and emotionally abusive, that might give you grounds to seek full custody and only allow him to visit once he is able to show that he's received counseling, which could include anger management or parenting classes (or both). You do have to get the custody order changed before you can leave the state with the child, so you can get permission to move.

The judge's ultimate goal is to determine what is in the best interests of the child. They can be a little more flexible with a three-year-old who isn't in school yet, but you may want to see if you can set the order now to say who gets to enroll the child in school (and where) and discusses what the parenting plan will be at that time, or you'll be back in court in a little over a year. For now, you can really share custody in any way the two of you find feasible. Maybe the child could trade off every month. Or maybe you could arrange it so the child spends half of each month with each of you (that would be a LOT of driving, though). Or if you can convince the judge of the benefits of living in Idaho, maybe it would be possible to agree now that your child would visit for one of the major winter holidays, a month in the summer, and maybe a couple of weeks in the spring/fall. Essentially, when you work out what is feasible, you can try to convince the judge that it's reasonable.

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Customer: replied 1 year ago.
What do you think my chances are that i would get full custody and approved to move to idaho with the situation at hand? My husband has been abusive to me every since our daughter was born, he has a history of these mental break downs that had landed him in a mental health facility twice, at least that i know of. He spent 8 days one time and 11 days the second. He has major bipolar/manic disorder. Was on 4000 mg of lithium a day but stopped taking it. He also was court ordered to spend 9 months in a mentally ill living complex where it was a bunch of insain people who lived in a little apartment complex, it was called stairways. Anyways with all that and his reoccurring abusive behaviors plus he has a pretty lengthy record all misdemeanors for drugs, child support and some violence issues. He has 3 other kids all with different mom's that he had never had any custody of, 2 of the kids don't even know who he is. He is also in rehab right now for almost failing prop***** he was to check into arehab or go to jail for up to 2 years. He has alittle over amonth left in rehab then is to spend 90 days in a sober living facility. I don't have as much proof of his abuse as i wish i did but i do have some proof, i have a picture the last physical abuse he did to me the day before rehab, he had choked out while he was driving, his friends was in the car as well. I have a pretty good choke mark on my neck with 4 scratches on the side of my face. Also i have 2 police reports from when the abuse first started and a restraining order from the past. Do you think my chances of moving to idaho with my daughter where we have family and support are pretty good? I have absolutely nothing on my record, ive never been into trouble, i don't even have a traffic ticket. Im just scared i will be told i can't move to idaho and I'll be stuck in this place with no one no where to go and left to the streets pretty much AMC my daughter be with her dad full time.
Expert:  Lucy, Esq. replied 1 year ago.

All of that support your chances to get custody away from him, especially since he can't take your child into a sober living facility with him.

The judge is also going to want to hear how the child benefits from the move: the benefits of being around family, the quality of living you'll be able to enjoy once you get there, and things like that. But all the facts you've provided support the move.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you. I can't help but to always expect the worst out of everything so i can try to be prepaired for exactly that, i don't want to keep my daughter from having any contact with him but she can't live with him, im sorry just one more question, what would be the best way to ask this off the judge? Do you know of any websites or something along the line of where i can find out our see some example letters?
Expert:  Lucy, Esq. replied 1 year ago.

Court documents are public record, but I'm afraid I'm not aware of any websites that allow you to view filed documents for free. The way to make the request is on a Request for Order form. You can attach more pages if necessary.

Generally, the focus should be on what is best for the child, and how she will benefit from the move. A lot of parents talk about how the move helps them personally, but it should always be linked back to the child. You can list all the things that make the father not the best person to raise her, talk about your relationship with her, and things like that.