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I'm Lucy, and I'd be happy to answer your questions today. I'm sorry to hear about your dilemma.
The way to get your portion of retirement funds pursuant to divorce decree is to complete and file a Qualified Domestic Relations Order ("QDRO", pronounced "quaddro"). Both spouses sign the order. If your former spouse refuses, you can file a Motion to Compel and the judge will make him do it. Once it's signed, send it to the company holding the funds. If the money is in an employer-held fund, they sometimes have their own forms they want you to use (especially if your spouse works for the federal, state, or local government).
A local attorney could also draft a QDRO for you. Otherwise, here is are instructions:
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