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Defamation requires proof that she knowingly made a false statement about you in an attempt to harm your character. The problem with situations like this is that if it is her OPINION that she's afraid of you for some reason, she's entitled to that opinion and can't be sued because she possesses that opinion.
However, if she tells people that you've done certain things that you actually have not, and if those things were said to harm your character, then you could sue on that basis.
So, as you can see, your ability to pursue a defamation claim really depends on your facts and whether or not the statements are opinions or alleged facts she knows to be untrue.
In regard to slowing the process down, the only real way to do that is to file a motion to continue the property division hearing date......you may have to tell the judge that you're not prepared for the hearing, that you need to get more information together, that you're going to be out of town on the court date, etc.
If you need anything further or if you have any additional questions, please let me know.