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Hello and welcome! My name is ***** ***** I will try my level best to help with your situation or get you to someone who can.
I am very sorry to hear that your father's mistress/second wife decided to take these actions... Unfortunately, if she purchased the headstone, then it is her personal property and she can legally have anything inscribed on it that she wants to, subject to the cemetery's rules and restrictions. If father's estate purchased it, then it would be the executor of his estate's decision as to what to put on the headstone, again, subject to any cemetery rules.
I realize that this seems morally wrong that the mistress/second wife's name is ***** *****'s headstone. But if your parents were divorced and father and the mistress were married, then she would be his legal wife at the time of his death and would have the legal right to determine his burial arrangements over anyone else.
I am very sorry that I don’t have better news, but please understand that I do have an ethical and professional obligation to provide customers with legally correct answers based on my knowledge and experience, even when I know the answer doesn’t make the customer happy...