I'm Doug, and I'm very sorry to hear of your situation. My goal is to provide you with excellent service today.
Unless your 18 year old daughter is still in high school, you will not have to pay support for her to your wife.
You have the legal right to have reasonable visitation with your son and the court will order that. You will probably be ordered to pay about 20% of your monthly income for child support for your son.
You are free to file for Legal Separation in VT, but the cost, time involved and expense is about the same as for a divorce and so unless you are hopeful of saving the marriage, you might as well file for divorce.
Whether you get a separation or a divorce, the court will make a child support order, issue a visitation order and order the division of the marital property. As you now have a new residence, your wife can keep you out of the other house. You will be able to either take the house or get half of the equity from the house in the divorce.
As for bank accounts, if they are joint accounts either of you can take money from them---or even all of the money. The same with credit cards. Each of you can use them though I suggest that if your wife is on any of your credit cards, that you close those accounts so she can't drive you to bankruptcy by running up the cards.
You may reply back to me using the Reply link and I will be happy to continue to assist you until I am able to address your concerns, to your satisfaction.
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I wish you and yours the best this holiday season,