I will try to best answer your question.
Sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time finalizing your divorce proceeding. In reviewing questions like this it is impossible to write down every detail so I have to make certain assumptions. If one of my assumptions are incorrect please let me know so I can clarify whether or not it changes the ultimate advice.
I'm unsure as to whether you filed for the default or whether your attorney file for the default. You also mentioned that it took forever for the court to process it. I'm unsure as to what this means. Typically the attorney or client prepares the default it is filed with the court and the day it is filed it is time stamped as received by the court. The time stamped date that the court received it counts as the date that it was filed. What it was prepared before that will not matter.
There are additional steps that need to be completed beyond simply filing for the default. If your attorney was involved in this process it would have been her responsibility to do so. If you were handling the process it would be your responsibility to ensure all documents and procedures are followed to finalize.
If wife filed her answer prior to finalizing the default it would no longer be a default case as she has now responded. It sounds to me like you will need to address the issues of her answer at this stage by reaching a settlement with her and entering into an agreement or placing the matter before the court for determination of the issues you can not agree upon so the court can make a final determination.
You are correct that Wife is utilizing the chain of command to her advantage. My advice would be to obtain a new attorney to complete the divorce as soon as possible. A handling a default on your own is very complicated to do and even difficult for attorneys to do in situations. The reason why I'm advising you to obtain another attorney is because I don't want you to continue to lose time and money while you try to figure out how to push this through the system. It will be far cheaper in the end to spend the money now obtaining a competent attorney to handle it correctly.
I know that this may not be the news you wanted to receive, but it is my honest advice. Please don't rate me negatively for speaking honestly.