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mmdesq, Family Law Attorney
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 518
Experience:  Attorney with 13 years experience.
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I recently divorced a husband of 22 years. He is disabled

Customer Question

Hello. I recently divorced a husband of 22 years. He is disabled but works under the table. He was abusive and has served probation for both abusing our children and abusing me. There is a 15 page report from a CFI detailing some of the abuse. I was inept at serving as my own lawyer during the divorce, and he gets to have supervised visits with the two minor children still living at home. So far, he has only taken advantage of one visit in 7 months. I am ordered to pay for two visits, and he is ordered to pay for 10. This man raped me. He beat my children. How can we just be free of him? My two children at home still see weekly trauma therapists. He calls every week or so if he remembers and talks about how police thought he was trying to commit suicide or other such issues. How can we get a confidential address and ever feel safe? I am covered under a protection order, but my children aren't.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Family Law
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Also, I mention the disability because I sought two degrees while married and provider for the family. He gets to claim a child on his taxes because "I owe him for making me the woman I am today." I paid him to leave and paid him for 15 months after he left to stay away. It was blackmail and extortion. I was too afraid not to pay. He now is committing a crime by openly working while claiming complete disability and zero income as part of our divorce settlement. The visit that occurred with the children was at my expense. I am trying to uphold my payment of two supervised visits a year. I want to be free from this man in every way possible.
Expert:  mmdesq replied 1 year ago.

Good Morning,

I will try to best answer your question.

In order to completely segregate yourself from your ex it will be a long process. You unfortunately you did not get into this position overnight and you will not get out of it overnight. Although you said you were inept as your own attorney, it does seem like you've made reasonable progress towards this goal already by having him on supervised visitation with he exercises inconsistently. In situations like yours I recommend to set up as many roadblocks to visitation as possible. Supervised visitation is one such roadblock. Making him responsible to pay for supervised visitation is another. I would strongly recommend working with the children's counselors to see if they would recommend that the supervised visitation really should be therapeutic supervised visitation. This way your argument would be father could actually work on addressing abusive history between himself and the children. The idea being he would be unwilling to do this. If he is willing to do it its probably better for your children any ways than just purely a supervised visitation. The next roadblock us he needs to pay for all therapeutic supervised visitation. I would strongly advise hiring a private investigator to document his employment under the table. If you can have some documentation regarding his employment I would then recommend filing for modification of child support to increase his payments. I would further recommend that when you are pushing the issue of increased child support you can suggest the idea that he discontinue visitation in exchange for you only accepting the derivative benefit for the children from Social Security as support.

Finally, if at all possible try to relocate farther away from father. You will not be able to tell the court that this is your motivation, but instead tell the court that is necessary for employmentfor other reasons that have nothing to do with custody.

I hope that this information and suggestions are helpful and I wish you the best of luck with this difficult situation.