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FamilyAttorney, Lawyer
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 1508
Experience:  Owner, attorney in private practice, appellate attorney, GAL & former trial lawyer, licensed for 37 years
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I am all the way in Colorado. I will be going to court and

Customer Question

I am all the way in Colorado. I will be going to court and filing for parental allocation and decision making. I was looking for info about what to put down. I know I am not to put down or bad mouth the other parent. Also how do I bring up things such as alienation and bad mouthing of one parent to the child?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  FamilyAttorney replied 2 years ago.

Hello. I’m Ronna, a licensed attorney with 35 years’ experience. I specialize in family law cases and appeals. I look forward to helping you tonight.

You have a situation knowns as parental alienation syndrome or PAS in your case. I'm sorry you're going through this. It's not fun, and I have seen it with many of my clients and my own family members so I truly sympathize. Without badmouthing the other parent, you are able to say that she is alienating the child from you and then use examples. For example, how do you know that the child is saying things against you -- it appears that she has badmouthed you right in front of the child to your face? Has the child said anything else about what the mother has said? How old is your daughter? These are clarifying questions that would help me give a more detailed answer but I can still answer your question with what you have. The idea here is that the older the child, the more likely the child is able to tell you what the mother said. However, there are exceptions -- sometimes some very young children, such as 3 year olds, can tell you exactly what was said. A court would likely believe an older child but if you heard the mother say things right in front of you and in front of the child, then you have proof that she is badmouthing you. It would help if you have any witnesses to this behavior also. Who else has heard her say negative things about you? You'll be looking to get a list of possible witnesses for your case.

I would strongly advise you to get an attorney. She will likely have one, and you'll do better with one. If you cannot afford a private attorney, there are Legal Services offices in your state.

Expert:  FamilyAttorney replied 2 years ago.

in this type of case, you can say that the parent is alienating the child against you and here is what she is doing: and then list examples of things she has done and said to the child, in front of the child, and the times she has said things in front of you AND in front of the child. You should include much of what you wrote here. What you wrote in your question is excellent and is good language for what to put in court papers. You will want to say the following:

Bring up the times she has said things, what she has said and that she said it in front of the child

Bring up the times she has said things in front of you and the child, which makes you a witness

List the mother's refusal to keep you involved in the child's life, such as keeping you away from the child's teachers.

List her decision to take away overnights and don't say she wants more money -- say that she is taking away overnights to keep you away from your daughter. You have to make a case for parental alienation, not for child support, etc. so you'll be listing things that have to do with her keeping the child away from you.

List how she uses the child against you

Include that she says if you don't do XYZ, you can't see the child and therefore she uses the child as a pawn

Do you have proof of her mental instability? You don't want to allege that if you don't have proof. Make sure before you state that, that you have proof of this. You can't just state it without backing it up, so make sure to list any bizarre behavior she has shown.

Refusing mediation is not necessarily part of PAS but you can put it in there at the end if you want, although that is a separate issue.

HOw has she taken the child away from you -- you indicate that above, so explain that.

Also, you use perfect language by saying the mother is putting her own needs above the child's --- you can use that language and also state that the mother is not looking out for the child's best interests. (The court understands that phrase very well in every state in the nation). State that as a result of all of the above, the child is being negatively affected and you are concerned for her safety, her well-being, and her mental and emotional health by being a pawn in the mother's war against you.

Expert:  FamilyAttorney replied 2 years ago.

This does not badmouth the mother. These are legal pleadings. You are allowed to state what is going on. Make sure you do it this way, with legal terms such as "best interests of the child" and parental alientation. I would not use parental alienation syndrome -- only the court gets to decide if that is what is going on here. You can, however, say she is causing parental alienation.

I believe that I have given you a thorough "template" for filling out the court pleadings. I wish you the best of luck, and to your child too, because the poor child is in the middle of this.

If you have any more questions about this, feel free to send the question(s) to me. Otherwise, I believe I have given you enough to make out a case for parental alienation. Consider getting an attorney for any court hearings.

Please accept my answer, rate my answer and then submit, as this is how I get credit for my time with you and with your question. I work hard to give you a thorough and honest answer. I thank you in advance for rating me. Please let me know if there is more that I can do to answer your question and if you need more information. If not, I thank you for your rating. I can’t get credit for answering your question without your fair and honest rating. Thank you!

Expert:  FamilyAttorney replied 2 years ago.

Thank you and good luck. I'll be here a little while longer tonight if you have any other information you want to give me or follow-ups. If I'm not here later tonight, I will check here first thing in the morning.


Ronna L. DeLoe, Esq.

Expert:  FamilyAttorney replied 2 years ago.

Please note: I am in EST, so it's 12:46 am here now. If I miss you here tonight, I'll check in the morning, but I have given you all the information you need to spell out a case of parental alienation.

Thank you in advance for your honest and fair rating!

Ronna DeLoe