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Law Educator, Esq.
Law Educator, Esq., Lawyer
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 118760
Experience:  Experienced attorney: Family law, Estate Law, SS Law etc.
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Husband and I are separated, married .we have a critically

Customer Question

husband and I are separated, married for 22yrs.we have a critically ill dtr.She lived with me for the last 3 yrs and he would visit sometimes.He has a anger/manipulationproblem. wants a divorce now and said he wants her every other week and says I can't come up to the house to see her even when he's at work.Her nurse is with her for 12 hours while he is at work.can he keep me from our dtr and marital home?I moved out of our house because I wasnt able to take care of our property due to a bad back.Em and I got a trailer in town thinking it was a temporary thing until he "got himself under control". He paid all the bills. am I still allowed access to our accts/savings or not?i receive child &spousal.I did not get much support. need assistance, do not know what to list for available $?Says he Can appeal my dr excuse for not working?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Law Educator, Esq. replied 2 years ago.

Thank you for your question. I look forward to working with you to provide you the information you are seeking for educational purposes only.

Legally, without a court order to the contrary, if your husband has the child during his visitation time, he can refuse to allow you to come and see the child during that time. Based on the situation, you can ask the court to include a right in the court visitation order for you to at least call, if not go see your daughter during the time he is at work when he has her.

As far as your accounts, if they are marital funds and marital accounts he cannot keep you from your funds and the court will order that those funds be divided.

He can challenge your disability or try to, but legally if you have a doctor testify as to your disability and inability to work, he would not succeed, as the court gives more credibility in most cases to the treating doctor. If you are unable to work, the court can order him to pay you spousal support in addition to any child support.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Re my dtr... We have no custody order in place yet - my husband just said this is what he wanted and told me that's what he's doing. And no one will tell him what to do. So can he still tell me I can't see her? Or tell me I can't go to our marital home. I had to move out due to his verbal abuse. a He is paying spousal but it isn't much 272 a month - his net monthly was 6589. I got 1072 child and the 272. I presented my letter from my dr. After the initial meeting on sept 1 as my dr was away and neither of us signed anything so domestics said she could just reconfigure the amts. this made him very angry. I do not know the new amounts. Then he told me I needed to remove my name from the account because he was paying spousal.
Expert:  Law Educator, Esq. replied 2 years ago.

Thank you for your reply.

Without a court order in place, your husband is correct I am afraid. He does not have to allow you to come to his home to see your daughter when he has custody, even if he is at work.

So you have to go to court and file for a temporary order of custody and visitation if you want to change this situation, as without a court order your husband can refuse you the right to come to his home to see your child when he has you.

You DO NOT need to remove your name from the account, even if he is paying support. You do not remove your name from anything until the court orders you to do so. The laws say that the "status quo" is to be maintained until the divorce is ordered.

So you need to get into court and you need to get court orders in place if he is acting this way.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Who do I talk to or is that why I need a lawyer
Expert:  Law Educator, Esq. replied 2 years ago.

Thank you for your reply.

It is truly why you need to have an attorney involved and get into court to file motions for temporary support, custody and visitation and get orders in place.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
when I have had Emma all this time and she was afraid of him I could have refused him to see her? I thought it was a free for all till the actual custody hearing. Ours is the 23
Expert:  Law Educator, Esq. replied 2 years ago.

Thank you for your reply.

You could have refused to allow him to see her without a court order, yes.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I didn't have to be bullied into allowing him to have her. See he's a state trooper - always very scary. I was afraid to get a lawyer for fear he would be worse - and because of our dtr being sick was trying to keep things calm and do what he said
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Now I feel stupid and afraid that he will get whatever he wants cause I might have made mistakes
Expert:  Law Educator, Esq. replied 2 years ago.

Thank you for your reply.

You did not legally have to allow him to take her as long as she was in your custody. You need to get a lawyer if he is acting this way, it is the only way to stop it. You are not stupid, you were trying to work things out in an adult manner for the best interests of everyone. You did not make any mistakes that cannot be fixed by you getting a lawyer and getting this into court and getting orders in place to set the parameters on how things will work to avoid his bullying in the future.