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Zoey, JD
Zoey, JD, Lawyer
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 27450
Experience:  18 years of litigation experience.
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My wife filed a protective order against me. But I didn't

Customer Question

My wife filed a protective order against me. But I didn't harm her physically. We were both arguing with each other and saying mean things to each other. The protective order was issued on August 17th my court date is Tuesday on the 1st of September. She has been over my house to see me numerous times and also spent the night with me 3 times since she got the protective order against me. She also left her child with me and left the hotel where she spent the night with me to go take care of business. If she feared me so much she wouldn't have violated her own protective order provisions thAt she had placed against me by spending the,night with me and coming over with the child to see me on several occasions since the order was put place. What should I do I don't want the judge to place a permanent protective order against me because I love my child and I would never hurt her or my wife. What should I do I'm lost and the court date is two days away. I just don't want the judge to ban me
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
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Expert:  Zoey, JD replied 2 years ago.


My name is ***** ***** I will assist you with this question.

It sounds as if your wife doesn’t really want a protective order. If your court date is for the hearing to make this permanent, the easiest way to solve this problem would be for your wife to ask the judge to withdraw the order when she goes to the hearing. Alternatively, if she fails to show up at all for the hearing, you can ask for the order to be dismissed, and the judge should grant that.

If you want to discuss this further you can simply reply below. I will also send you information our premium service if you'd rather talk about this on the phone.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hey sorry that's easier said than done because she already told me that she is going to attend court. In addition to this she told me that she's gonna tell the judge that she hasn't had any contact with me even though she has. She also wants me to tell the judge that we have not had any communication since the order was issued. She told that she's just gonna tell the judge that she wants me to go to alcohol rehab. Which I'm currently scheduled to go to rehab in tuskegee alabama for 3 or 4 months. I'm just not sure she's gonna keep her word. And I don't want the judge to permanently ban me on account of her words only please help me I need more knowledge an answers
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I'm already banned from my home it's been that way since August 17th I have to stay 100 yards away from the residents it's just unfair to me because I didn't physically harm anyone nor was arrested the sheriff just came to my home and physically removed me and despite of this she's still been in contact with me via phone and in person.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Please help me I just want to be prepared for court Tuesday. And I don't know what to say to the judge
Expert:  Zoey, JD replied 2 years ago.

You weren't arrested because you were not charged with a crime. She took out a civil rather than a criminal protective order. That gives her a temporary order of protection and you must attend a hearing. The purpose of the hearing is for the judge to decide whether or not to grant a permanent order of protection.

At the hearing, the judge will hear evidence from both you and your wife. Your evidence can consist of your testimony, emails, phone records, text messages, witnesses, whatever you have which would show that what she has alleged about you is false and that she needs no protective order. She, of course, will try to produce what she can to show that you are a threat to her safety.

Since this is not a criminal matter, she doesn't have to prove that she needs an order beyond a reasonable doubt. You have to prove that she doesn't need an order by clear and convincing evidence. That is, if your evidence supports your position even a little better than her evidence supports hers, you can win this hearing.

I am fairly certain, however, that if you read your order, you are not just supposed to stay away from your residence but to stay away from your wife. You may not be the one to initiate contact with your wife, but you ARE having contact and contact is not allowed.

As I've said, the best way for this to resolve is if your wife either doesn't show up for the hearing or if she does and asks to withdraw the order. You do have substantial evidence that your wife is in no fear of you and is abusing the whole idea of the protective order by not keeping away. However that same evidence shows you in violation of the order if your order also says you must keep away from your wife and kids.

Is your wife willing to drop this order? If not, can you bring a lawyer to the proceedings? Did you ever tell your wife, "Hey, if you want to see me, lift the order because I am not allowed to talk to you?"

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
No I didn't because I'm not very sharp about knowing the law since this is my first time ever being in this position I didn't know what to do. She hasn't contact me since Thursday.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
What if she just tells the judge she wants me to go to rehab?" Then what? The cameras at the hotel is that evidence? Because I erased her txt to stay out of trouble
Expert:  Zoey, JD replied 2 years ago.

Well, with any luck she won't show up at the hearing. Then you can ask that the matter be dismissed.

If she shows up, you want to make it clear with whatever evidence you've got that you have been no threat to her safety and also that since the order went into effect, your wife has called you and visited you nearly every day which is the best proof that she neither wants nor needs a protective order and is an abuse of process besides.

It may make the judge unhappy with you because you're not to have contact. At the same time, however, he's not going to be any happier with your wife. In the best of possible worlds, he will throw this matter out of court.

There are some good overviews on the web that will help you understand what wiil happen in court. Your wife is the petitioner, so she gets to speak first. Here's one site. This site has a pretty good overview of the whole process too.

Between now and the court date, start amassing evidence. List the dates that she came by. If there were people there at the time, you may want to bring witnesses. If you've got emails, texts, get them together and make copies of that. You have a hotel receipt too, I'm sure.

This is a civil matter, right? It's only just about the order and you're not charged with a crime. If so, the judge can't order you into rehab.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Ok prime example she text my uncle at 10 a.m. this morning telling him to tell me to call her. My uncle just got home at about 4 p.m. and he just showed me where she sent the text. I didn't know about it until now because he just got back and he told me and showed me what she text.
Expert:  Zoey, JD replied 2 years ago.

Sorry for the delay. I stepped away from the computer. Save this as one piece of evidence and do not call her. If she calls you tell her that you don't want to get in trouble with the law and that if she wants you/wants to see you she needs to lift the order.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
We had the court date and she dropped the restraining order and told the judge she just wanted me to attend rehab. He just told me to handle my business. Even though this is over she keeps carrying on about it now, just fearful that she might try to do something else to me concerning the law
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Just don't trust her
Expert:  Zoey, JD replied 2 years ago.

I understand why you would be suspicious. There isn't much she could do except to go for another restraining order. While you can possibly now get a restraining order of your own if you feel she is harassing you about an issue you would just like dropped at this point, I'm not sure that would really make things all that better, in that it could escalate your arguments. It is, however, an option.