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TJ, Esq.
TJ, Esq., Attorney
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 12250
Experience:  JD, MBA
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Ive been married to my wife almost 3 years. We are currently

Customer Question

Ive been married to my wife almost 3 years. We are currently seperated after she found out i was secretly crossdressing and talking to other men. Talking to other men was just a fantasy. Other than dressing i mever acted on anything. My question is this. Im a police officer. Her lawyer is threatening to ruin my career if i dont try to work things out. At this juncture im ready to divorce. Can something like that happen to me. And what would be the best course of action henceforth? State of residence is alabama.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  TJ, Esq. replied 2 years ago.
Hello and thank you for the opportunity to assist you. My name is ***** ***** I will do my very best to answer your legal questions.
While the attorney or your wife would likely have no say in what happens in your career, I suspect the attorney was referring to the fact that a divorce is public record. Accordingly, there would be a good chance that your crossdressing and talking to other men would appear in the record, and that somebody in your department may eventually find out. The risk of this happening is greater if this is a contested divorce (which means that your wife does not agree with the divorce).
If you do not want to try to work things out, then the best course of action would likely be to convince your wife to agree to the divorce so that it is uncontested. If it is uncontested, then there is less of a chance that the crossdressing, etc. would be revealed and appear in the record.
Does that answer your question? Please let me know if you need clarification, as I am happy to continue helping you until you are satisfied.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Well my wife wants the divorce. So theres no problem in wanting the divorce with her. She wants one if I dont try to work things out. As far as property we dont have any. We rent a place from my mother. And the only thing we share in our names is a car that ill gladly let her have.
Expert:  TJ, Esq. replied 2 years ago.
Hello again.
So the issue is that you want the divorce, your wife wants the divorce, but her attorney wants you to work things out or he'll ruin your career? What does your wife say about this?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Correct. The attorney told my wife to really think about it. Because if she wants to through with the divorce her attorney is going to go after my job. My wife is apparently okay with that. But. I just dont know what the process is like. If she goes through with the divorce. What can i expect? Will she just write up a list of things she wants from me? If i agree to them does it become uncontested? If its uncontested do we still have to have a divorce hearing/trial?
Expert:  TJ, Esq. replied 2 years ago.
Hi again.
The first thing I would do is ask your wife to find a new attorney. It's ridiculous that he would purposely try to ruin your career, particularly when your wife is apparently not even the catalyst. To be honest, his threats are borderline blackmail. If the attorney were to purposely do something to hurt your career, it's possible that you would have recourse against him.
In any event, if you file a divorce action then it is either contested or uncontested. Contested means that your wife does not want the divorce and fights against it. Uncontested means that she agrees that there should be a divorce. Property division doesn't have anything to do with whether or not the divorce is contested. In either case, you can both agree on how to divide assets and liabilities, or you can argue over it and have hearings and a trial so the judge can decide.
The easiest, cheapest, and least messy way to do it is to have an uncontested divorce where you and your wife both agree on all assets and liabilities yourself. That would likely be the least risky so far as your job is concerned.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
My thoughts were the same concerning the ability of her attorney to even do that. Its almost extortion in a way. She has no desire to hire another attorney. Im dealing with evil people. My concern is what the odds of having a trial. We both are in agreement that divorce is the right step if we cant work things out. Theres nothing we cant agree on. If thats the case. Then would you say its likely it remains out of court? My job is extremely important to me. And im just worried i could possibly lose it. There arent really any laws to protect you from losing a job in alabama in most cases.
Expert:  TJ, Esq. replied 2 years ago.
Hi again.
Unfortunately, it has to stay in court. A divorce is not like a car accident where the two parties can simply agree to an out of court settlement. In order to be divorced, you have to get a court order. But if you both agree on everything, then the grounds for the divorce can be something like vague like "incompatibility," and you and your wife can file a property settlement agreement that you both consent to such that there is no reason for a trial. That is certainly the best chance for the crossdressing to remain private.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Ok. Thank you for your help. I really appreciate it.
Expert:  TJ, Esq. replied 2 years ago.
You are quite welcome. Let me know if you need anything else.
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