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P. Simmons
P. Simmons, Lawyer
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 34525
Experience:  16 yrs. of experience including family law.
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My wife has verbally and mentally abused me for 40 years she

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My wife has verbally and mentally abused me for 40 years she always turns things around when she screams at me or stops speking to me. I can not stand it any longer what are my options
Thanks for the chance to help. I am an attorney with over 12 years experience. Hopefully I can help you with your legal question.

Sir, happy to help if I can...but not sure I understand your question. What is it you are looking for? Are you looking for the process to initiate a divorce?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

First and most important i do not want to sign up for a membership I was led to believe that it would be a one time fee of $97 for my question. If this is not possible please cancel my question. Please advise.


Sir there is no requirement that you subscribe to get a question answered. So if you did subscribe let me know and when we finish I can forward to customer service....but once I forward this to CS I will not be able to access the question further.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Sorry I just spoke with David from you're customer service and he informed me I was not taking out a subscription and I would be charged $81 for this question. W


My wife and I have been married 50 years and the entire time she bellitles me speaks down to me and says thing like you are full of shit. I have constantly spoken in a quiet voice and lived a life of hell with one week of a nice wife then three weeks of pure hell including her not speaking her contradicting everything i say. For instance I have constantly asked her to go on vacation which she refuses. However when in public she tells everybody that Mike dosen't want to go any where he just wants to sit home. Last night for the first time I slept in a separated bed I have had enough. I am catholic and i truly fear what she will tell people that are lies about me.

Thank you for that information sir...and I am sorry for this dilemma...after 40 years I can imagine this is trying to say the least.

Can you tell me what is it you want to accomplish? Are you going to file for divorce? Or are you seeking to enter into counseling?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

I am really thinking about filing for divorce

Thank you sir

So tell me you expect your spouse will agree with you on "who gets what" from your marital estate? Or will she fight this?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

she most likely will fight it with her it is hard to determine

thank you sir

Is there any evidence of infidelity on her part (or on your part that she could know of)?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.


Thank you sir

I have some thoughts for you...a few mins please (perhaps up to 15 as I type this up).
Thank you for your patience

First some background information

A divorce can either be contested or not contested.

Uncontested; Now the fastest, (and by far the least expensive) way to get a divorce is if you can agree on the terms. If you can agree on "who gets what" there is not a need for attorneys...this will cut the costs to a very small amount (court fees)

Contested; if you can not agree, this is a contested divorce. To proceed you need an attorney or need to act as your own attorney (very bad idea). Here the parties present evidence to the court on "who gets what" and the court decides. This take longer and involves attorney fees for both sides.

SO, if you can agree with your "soon to be ex" on who gets what, great! If not, you need an attorney.

And this is likely the most significant decision you both will make.

If you can agree it really is a simple process....sure, you have to sort through the “stuff” you have accumulated over the many years...but you have say in the process and you are not both paying a lawyer to fight for the stuff.

And the costs can add up. Quickly. $10K-$20K for a contested divorce is cheap...and that is for each party. So figure if you can not work this out nicely (or at least civilly), you can watch $20K-$40K of your marital assets flow to lawyers pocketbooks

I asked about potential marital infidelity since that would be one grounds for a “fault” divorce. If you can not agree on how to split up the assets, it could be worth it to file for a “fault” divorce. Most common is adultery...if you can show that one spouse committed adultery, that would allow the court to grant a larger share of the marital estate to the other spouse

But what you describe, it does not sound like that is an option.

I would urge you to negotiate with her to see if she will agree to terms of a divorce. You can truly “do it yourself” with a kit like this one

If you can get her to agree? You can move on and BOTH save a good bit of money

If you can not convince her to agree? Then I would consider hiring a local attorney to help you file for a contested divorce

please let me know if you have more questions, happy to help if I can
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