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Dave Kennett
Dave Kennett, Lawyer
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 27689
Experience:  25 years experience as practicing attorney
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I have been divorced for nearly five years. My ex lives in

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I have been divorced for nearly five years. My ex lives in Oklahoma, we have shared parenting with me being the primary parent. My ex requested to have our son for seven weeks in the summer break. He has not excersied those visitation rights yet ! i have tried to encourage him to see our son but he has only seen him about once a year for a few days. My son is 10 yrs old and gets very upset when he does see his dad and doesn't understand why he can't see him more. My ex has told me its because he has to pay me child support and he can't afford to have our son. I have offered to give him money back through the visitation even though my ex is earning $9,000 a month. Anyway all of a sudden my ex is saying that he wants our son to live with him in a couple of years time and yet our son has never even been to his house. What should i do?
Dear JACUSTOMER - There's nothing you can do about something that may happen two years from now. Unless there is a court action for a change of custody it means nothing to talk about what he may want to do in two years. He would have to file a motion with the court and have the court determine that it is in the best interest of the child to move to the father's. The child would not have the power to decide at age 12 so all of this is just talk and I would ignore it. There's simply nothing, from a legal standpoint, that you can do to prevent the father from making these statements and he will find that it is not that simple to have the court order a change of custody. You also have the right to file for an amendment of the custody order to limit the amount of time of visitation if you believe 7 weeks is too long. Generally in a long distance visitation situation the summer visitation is no more than 4-6 weeks.Anything that is filed with respect to the child would have to in the court where you live, not where the father resides so that will present another problem for the father if he ever wants to file a motion for a custody change.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

is it possible for you to call me?

We are not permitted to call our customers so I can only answer through this website. I'll be happy to answer any other questions you might have.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

ok, i feel like my ex wants to get out of paying child support and doesn't really care about our son. My lawyer in the divorce described him as sociopathic. I guess i am worried he is manipulating my son to get him to live with him.

If the ex does decide to try and have our son live with him i am concerned about the psychological effect that its going to have on the child.

I understand and I'm quite certain you are correct about the support issue. The problem is that you cannot control what he says to your son when they are together and you can't stop the visitation. As I said above, your son does not have the choice at this age and the court always has the final say based on the best interests of the child. So whatever the father says about moving in with him has no legal effect. I understand your concerns about the psychological effect and the only thing you may want to consider if this becomes a problem is to get a child psychologist involved to counsel your son. It is a common problem in these situations and it is virtually impossible to stop the non custodial parent from making these statements when the child is in their control. Until your son is 14 orXXXXXis not going to seriously listen to his wishes on custody so that's a lot of time where all sorts of things can happen. Trying to prevent something 4 or five years into the future is really an exercise in futility so all you can do is try to be a good parent and not try to control what the father says during visitation. Children are pretty smart and they also can see through these attempts that are not sincere when someone just wants to get out of paying support..
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Yes your right :) thankyou