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Update: My grandson is turning 2 soon. My son moved back

Update: My grandson is turning...

Update: My grandson is turning 2 soon. My son moved back home with me last Oct/Nov but still pays 1/2 the rent on mother's apartment, cable bill, and baby's medical insurance while they were figuring out their relationship status. Situation: My son works nights leaves 10P gets home and to bed 5:30-6. Mother's schedule varies every day. Mostly 10:30-6:30 or 11-7 and 1 day 2-10. However she demands that I come get my grandchild 2 hours before she must be to work as has to get ready... and she usually has things to do after work which adds an additional 1-2 hours. Hence, I must babysit for my son in the morning while he gets some sleep - he usually gets up after only 5-6 hours and takes care of his son during the afternoon. He takes 2 hour nap (to give him 8 hours sleep as has a stressful job at UPS as a supervisor) to I watch him again. The mother could ask for a week schedule that compliments my son's work so it would not necessite me babysitting unless I want/can - she has when I've gone on vacation but she doesn't now saying she can't and she knows I will do it. In addition, the mother has been asking me to babysit in the evening afterwork (often overnightFriday for very convincing activities which I know now some may be dates especially when she wants him to stay overnight because she will be out drinking late and doesn't have to be to work until 2 the next day...). The baby is often with my and I 96 hours straight (4 24 hour days) while she parties with her girl friends. She also hosts many parties at her apartment now that has kept the baby up until 2:30 am...... and she gets angry when she calls me last minute to babysit in the evening after we (my son and I) have already had him for 12 hours or so, and I say no or that I have plans. Her days off are Sunday and Monday but the baby is always here for 4-5 hours again on both those days because she has things to do. I have told her to find an alternate babysitter (would cost) but she refuse to let a stranger watch him --- and I am free. However I am almost 63 and it is too many hours per day (even though my son does things with the baby and takes him to parks, walks, when they are here he still wants Grandma so it is both of us babysitting him. Now my son finally believes he should start the process to establish child custody - parenting time and child support with the courts in Arizona. The mother can not watch her son for a 24 hour time frame unless it includes going to a birthday party, etc. He baby is at my house at least 80-90% of the timel. QUESTION: The mother is threatening to take the baby to Chicago to live with her aunt --- threats, even though she has fought with her aunt, has a job here plus her brother and sister's families. Can she just take him? QUESTION: Can she get full custody (likes she thinks) even though the baby is here most of the time? I think my son (and I) should. Even split would be fine if it truly was even time. QUESTION: I pay for his diapers, food, milk, etc. while he is here my son pays her $450, plus the cable bill plus he pays for the baby's medical insurance - but she says what I pay doesn't count. Is that true? My son can not afford to move out on him own and the need for a babysitter remains..... If they did the paperwork and he had to pay child support - might it be less than he pays now so that he could maybe move out or help pay for some babysitting help for me? Is child support based on his income? hers? what? I love my grandson and am happy to help - the problem is that the mother is vey calculating and is taking major advantage of me. My son doesn't go out - he watches his son - I don't go out - I watch his son. The threats are the worst part - she texts us horrible things although me son says to leave me out of this - it is between the two of them. It's getting quite bad. She just texted me that we will not see the baby for the days prior during and after his birthday.... This verbal and texting attack has happened before and then she eventually remembers how good she has it and how much I do for her personally.... Her brother and sister and others say she has major mental problems, (she often does not talk to one of them for weeks/months) so I even paid for her to see a physchiatrist twice and paid $100. She is quite mental and calculating... and I fall for her what she tells me .. NOT SURE WHAT SHOULD BE DONE NOW. I know I rambled, but I have the flu and don't feel well, but this is very stressful and the baby's grandfather (son's dad) arrives April 4 for the baby's birthday..... IF THIS ISN'T YOUR AREA OF EXPERTISE, PLEASE FORWARD TO ONE THAT KNOWS ARIZONA LAW. THANKS


 


PS - I just printed the revised forms for determining child support for Arizona.  Haven't read yet, but it says adjusted gross income of both parents...... 


The mother is trying to negotiate with my son now - saying he could pay $250 only...... and keep the time we keep with the baby the same.  My son thinks he should pay nothing. 
PS - she declared herself Head of the Household last year and also this year... I thought the one that earns the most claims the child (which is my son).....  Should he submit a revised tax return stating that he is head of household and dispute her claim.  We believe she received a lot of refund --- she has been spending LOTS....................


As to babysitting in the future, my son has to sleep in the mornings  - so I would babysit in the morning, but he will insist that she bring the baby here 1/2 hour before she has to go to work and pick up 1/2 hour after she gets off of work.  As to her social activity babysitting needs???????????????


 

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Answered in 1 day by:
3/26/2013
Wendy-Mod
Category: Family Law
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Hi, I am a moderator for this topic. I've been working hard to find a Professional to assist you right away, but sometimes finding the right Professional can take a little longer than expected.

I wonder whether you're ok with continuing to wait for an answer. If you are, please let me know and I will continue my search. If not, feel free to let me know and I will cancel this question for you.


Thank you!
Wendy

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Customer reply replied 4 years ago

Sure - please continue to help us. this situation (their incompatability but reluctance to let go totally...) has gone on since conception..... they both waffle as to what is each of their and baby's best interest. For this month at least, they have reached a compromise on a couple of issues (financial obligations and babysitting responsibilities of each of them - the issue of overuse of me!

Thank you for your patience. We will continue the search for a Professional for you.

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Wendy
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Lawyer Lori
Lawyer Lori, Lawyer
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 2,161
Experience: Divorce, custody and child support attorney.
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Thanks for you patience in waiting for a response. My name is XXXXX XXXXX I will be the professional assisting you today. There are a few issues to discuss here, so if I miss any, please let me know.

First, of all, until your son has paternity and custody established by the court, in Arizona the mother has sole legal custody of the child.

Now to your questions:

QUESTION: The mother is threatening to take the baby to Chicago to live with her aunt --- threats, even though she has fought with her aunt, has a job here plus her brother and sister's families. Can she just take him?

Response: Until your son has established paternity through the court, the mother might be able to move out of state. If he knows in advance, he can file for paternity/custody and to keep her from moving. If she does move before he files, he may be able to file in Arizona under federal law - but if he has not filed for paternity he would be at a disadvantage.

QUESTION: Can she get full custody (likes she thinks) even though the baby is here most of the time? I think my son (and I) should. Even split would be fine if it truly was even time.

Response: The court could grant either parent sole custody or shared custody (custody is frequently called parenting time in Arizona). The look at what is in the best interest of the child. You can read some of the factors that the court will consider on this court website: http://www.azleg.gov/FormatDocument.asp?inDoc=/ars/25/00403.htm&Title=25&DocType=ARS. In this case, shared parenting time may be the most appropriate. However, the custody issue is between the parents and, legally, not you. But having you available as a babysitter and support system may be considered in your son's favor.

QUESTION: I pay for his diapers, food, milk, etc. while he is here my son pays her $450, plus the cable bill plus he pays for the baby's medical insurance - but she says what I pay doesn't count. Is that true? My son can not afford to move out on him own and the need for a babysitter remains..... If they did the paperwork and he had to pay child support - might it be less than he pays now so that he could maybe move out or help pay for some babysitting help for me? Is child support based on his income? hers? what?

Response: Once a paternity/custody order is in place, the court should consider child support. Each parent is typically responsible for food while the child is in their possession. Child support is determined based on the gross income of each parent and what he pays for the child's medical insurance is also factored in. Child care expenses for work purposes may also be included. Arizona child support guidelines state that if the parents' income is equal and they have equal time of the child - child support may not be ordered by the court.

I would suggest that you look at this Arizona court webpage, paying special attention to section 12: http://www.supreme.state.az.us/dr/childsup/csg2004.pdf.

Please let me know if I can provide any further information.
Lawyer Lori
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Customer reply replied 4 years ago

I don't read emails as often as should --- I'm babysitting all the time!
When I read this I wanted to ponder on it a bit and see if I had additional questions. I guess "no" for now....... I know I can write back with more later.

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