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Law Educator, Esq.
Law Educator, Esq., Lawyer
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 117370
Experience:  Experienced attorney: Family law, Estate Law, SS Law etc.
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I recently got served a TRO from my ex bf in another state

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I recently got served a TRO from my ex bf in another state he lives in washington and I live in hawaii. he did this because I had contacted him a few times, nothing out right threatenting but some were childish and mean spirited. . How can I fight this if i can't fly to that state, and if he win does it appear on my record if i apply for a job
Unfortunately, if you cannot fly to WA to do this, I am afraid you have to hire an attorney in WA to show up and represent you and file a motion to dismiss, since you are not even a resident of WA and the court has no personal jurisdiction over you. If you do not at least have an attorney show up and file to dismiss based on lack of jurisdiction, they will enter it by default and it is possible (if it is classified as domestic violence and not just civil harassment) that it could impair you obtaining a firearm and if it is classified as domestic then it can be visible on your record.

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Customer: replied 4 years ago.

would it be possible for me to just send a letter to the court asking them to dismiss this..

You cannot just send a letter to the court I am afraid. You can file a motion to dismiss (WA makes no forms available so you have to go to the court library and get the form books and look for a motion to dismiss) by mail to the clerk of court with a copy to the other party, BUT then it will be set for a hearing and you would have to appear or an attorney would have to appear in your place.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

I spoke witj the clerk at the court and she said I could send a letter. Do you think this will hurt or help me

It is not a "letter" and the clerk of court is not supposed to be giving legal advice to anyone. You can send a motion to dismiss based on lack of personal jurisdiction and argue you are not a resident of the state and do not have sufficient contacts with the state to give the court jurisdiction over you and in your motion you can ask for a telephonic hearing based on the great distance between HI and WA and then it is up to the court to decide to grant a telephone hearing or not. This is your only other option and if the court refuses the telephone hearing, then you would need to show up or get an attorney at that point OR the court could decide the matter simply on the contents of your motion to dismiss.

If you just write a letter, the court could take that as an answer to your suit and not a motion to dismiss, which could bind you to the jurisdiction of the court, so you need to make sure you file only a motion to dismiss.
Law Educator, Esq. and 2 other Family Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

one more question.seeing that i cant fly there or obtain

a attorney..will the judge grant his request the petions says domestic violence but I was told this was only because we used to live together in hawaii..never together in washington.


That is not true you have to live together, it is based on the prior and current relationship not just living together.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

is it possible to agree to TRO so it doesnt become permanent? If it becomes permanent I could lose my job and health benefits..which as a women with breqst cancer I cant afford this..

since i cant afford a lawyer can I write this to the judge..I am not denying the charges..I learn my leasson.

If you agree to this, even as a TRO, it would go into the record as converting to a permanent restraining order that would be valid for 1 year if not renewed and it would cause you future problems I am afraid. Unfortunately, there is no easy or cheap way to short cut these things and when people take the easy way out because they cannot afford to deal with them when they occur they always come back later to cause problems and there would be little you can do if you agree to the order or the order is entered against you.

If you write this to the court they will enter the order against you and you will not be able to get it removed I am afraid. What you can do is send an offer of settlement to the other party and state in the letter it is for settlement purposes only and not to be used for any other purposes. In the letter you can state that while you deny the allegations, in order to avoid costs of going to court you are willing to agree to a written contractual settlement to cease and desist all contact in exchange for them dismissing the TRO in writing to the court. If they agree then they need to send you a filed copy of the withdrawal of the TRO and you would then have a binding contract you would sign agreeing to have no further contact with them and if you violate that contract you can be sued for damages and attorney's fees. This is your only alternative in this case other than appearing in person or through an attorney in court to get the TRO dismissed based on lack of personal jurisdiction.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

so i send this letter to my ex boyfriend or the court? the TRO states i cant contact him

If you are representing yourself and the communication is for purposes of settling the legal action you may do so only for that purpose. However, if he is insisting on the TRO, it is not likely he is going to agree to your settlement offer, but I threw it out there to you because it is a longshot you can take.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

does it have to be mailed? or email is ok? I only have 3 days before mycourt date

Email is fine, but I am afraid he is not going to respond to you or flat reject your offer and you need to be prepared for that as well.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

I m afraid that sending this might get me there certain words i need to use

I provided you the certain words above in my response. You need to state the purpose of the communication is to settle the legal matter only as you are representing yourself without an attorney and it cannot be used for any other purpose. If you look back up 3 previous replies from me you should see it.

Again, you seem to be putting all of your hope on this settlement, but you need to be preparing to find a way to submit a motion to dismiss, as we previously discussed above. If you cannot find an attorney to appear just for the motion to dismiss, you had better file your motion to dismiss before the hearing and in your motion you need to ask for a telephone hearing. Just be prepared to do this and get it filed.

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