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Thank you for your help. I had a feeling that we would need to get a lawyer. The thing I wonder is, she hasn't given us a phone number or address (as she's afraid that she could get kicked out of the country she lives in) when she calls to talk to my stepson, so does this help out case in that she is unable to communicate with/has 'abandonded' her son. It's a difficult case, as she couldn't come to the US if she wanted to, but she does communicate (even if it's 2 times a month).
In any case, she has granted full custody to my husband, and we feel that it would be in his best interest for me to adopt him as that way we could make sure he is taken care of his something were to happen to my husband.