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I live in california, and am the mother of a 1 year old, unmarried.

We lived together until a...
I live in california, and am the mother of a 1 year old, unmarried. We lived together until a few weeks ago. He has filed for custody. He is telling me he has equal rights and time, and is entitled to our son 1/2 time right now. (Before Order) He works 60 hrs a week, I work 20. I have been the primary caretaker, feeding, middle of the night wake ups, bathing, etc. for the first year. I am not comfortable, and feel he may keep the baby if he doesnt get half time. I have been giving him the baby on his day off, + one night a week to the other grandparent. What should I do? He wants him the next 4 days...
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Answered in 5 minutes by:
12/1/2012
max713
max713, Lawyer
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 1,893
Experience: I am responsive, respectful, and relentless.
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max713 :

Hi, I'm trained and experienced in family law, and I would love to help you through your current situation. Until there is something in writing (an order or at least an agreement it's unclear who has custodial rights - physical or legal (decisionmaking power) - and when). Moreover, without these orders, the only thing that's certain is that both birth-parents have implied parental rights. Until those are taken away, either parent has a claim of right to custody. How that is sorted out by either you or the police is not guaranteed (as there is nothing to enforce).

max713 :

He can request custody and you can deny the request. But, it's unclear what side the police will be on if he calls them (or you do).

max713 :

That's one of the most compelling reasons for proceeding to court and getting an order that can be enforced.

max713 :

Remember, this is for informational use only; it is not advice.

max713 :

Does that make sense?

Customer:

I'm Rebecca's Father, helping sort through this. That's pretty much what I came up with. Just seems wrong. He should be with one of the parents, not half the week with other family members while he works.

max713 :

That's true. Birth parents can deny non-birth parents any custody (as non-birth parents have no parental "rights", which are held by birth parents only). Other than that, it's all pretty much up in the air.

max713 :

... until there is an order (or at least written agreement).

max713 :

I'm sorry to inform you of this.

Customer:

Well, thanks...

max713 :

You are most welcome. It's my pleasure to serve you.

Do you have further questions? I'm here to serve you by answering any and all questions you may have.

Customer:

Not right now... got to think about this. Thanks for your service to me.

max713 :

You are most welcome. Please rate me well for that service before exiting this forum.

max713 :

And, I wish you all the best.

max713
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Customer reply replied 4 years ago

Me again... Does the law give any guidance/recommendations etc as to infant visitation vs toddler adolescent etc?

Not exactly. But, William F. Hodges explained that younger individuals will need more time to develop attachment. As the child gets older, less time is required (moreover, in court, the older the child, the more child preference is considered). This is what the famous child development specialist William F. Hodges had to say:

"

I. BIRTH TO 6 MONTHS: The time sharing pattern recommended centers on predictability and frequency. The more frequent the noncustodial parent can be available, the longer the duration should be. For infants who can only with the with noncustodial parent once or twice a week, time sharing should not exceed two hours. With time sharing which takes place every day or every other day, infants can develop attachments to the noncustodial parents that can maintain their security. Infants should spend more waking hours with the custodial parent than the noncustodial parent. Stability of child care location should be maintained. Overnight time sharing is not recommended.

II. 6 TO 18 MONTHS: For younger infants, short periods of one to three hours are recommended if frequency for sharing time is low. If contact is regular and frequent, the child can handle additional time that is daily or every other day. The length of such periods can be adjusted. The noncustodial parent should recognize that the infant of this age needs predictability and familiarity. Time sharing will work best when time sharing occurs in the same location every time. The infant should not be left with another caregiver during time sharing unless the infant has had frequent opportunity to interact with that caregiver. Overnight time sharing is not recommended.

III. 18 TO 36 MONTHS: Children from 18 months to 3 years of age can handle periods of time that are less frequent than for infants but consistency and frequency are still important. An 18-month old child who spends time with the noncustodial parent only on weekends can handle parts of a day. By three years of age the child can spend an overnight without harm. Weekend long periods are still not recommended. Several times a week rather than a long weekend is more helpful to the child. Long periods during summer vacations are not recommended. While the exact length of a long period during the summer for this age is not known, a child familiar with and bonded to the noncustodial parent can handle three to four days. A child who has not had frequent contact with the noncustodial parent due to geographic distance should not be separated from the noncustodial parent for more than a day or two. Of course this is opposite to what many noncustodial parents desire.

IV. 3 TO 5 YEARS: Preschool age children can handle weekend visits during the year and weeklong visits for holiday and summer vacations, if limited infrequency. It is not known what the maximum long visit can be that will still benefit the child. Visits of longer than a week may still be inappropriate without visitation with the custodial parent.

V. 6 TO 10 YEARS: The school age child needs to develop peer relationships. If the two parents have a reasonably cordial relationship, visitation more frequent than every other weekend may be desirable. At 7 or 8 years of age, children who have contact with the noncustodial parent several times a week are the most content with visitation. Contact once or more during the week is helpful. Children seem to benefit from more contact with the noncustodial parent rather than less, but the time of maximum benefit is not known. Flexibility within some general scheduling of visitation is helpful. When conflict between parents is high, children benefit from a more structured, predictable pattern of visitation. Long visitations during the summer are acceptable, but some contact with the custodial parent, either through visitations ore phone, is desirable.

VI. 11 to 12 YEARS: Some reduction in visitation may be appropriate at 11 to 12 years of age. Peer involvement at this age may lead children to want less contact with the parents and a more flexible visitation schedule. At ages 10 to 11, boys in particular seem to prefer less contact with the noncustodial parent, perhaps only every other week. If the child prefers to maintain weekly contact, this amount of contact should be permitted.

VII. ADOLESCENCE: Time sharing with adolescents should take into account that teenagers do not need contact of long duration with either parent. Weekend visitations may interfere with developmental needs to separate from both parents. Contact once or twice a week for an hour or more may be enough contact. Some contact should occur each week or every other week."

 

 

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