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FLACORPLAWYER, Family Law Attorney
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 4634
Experience:  23 Years as attorney, licensed NY and FL. Former US ATTY.
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We have a very defiant, estranged son who is middle aged.

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We have a very defiant, estranged son who is middle aged. He has tumultuous relationships with everyone except his CURRENT girlfriend. My spouse and I have done everything that we can think of doing to help our situation and help our son. We have seen professionals for years. We have seen the clergy. We apologize for whatever our son says we did and we write letters of apologies to his girlfriend that he dictates. She refuses to open our letters. Our son is our only child. We are wealthy and we fear that when either my spouse or I decease that our son will be there to DEMAND his inheritance. He used this approach when his grandparents passed away. My spouse and I have no other family than each other. Therefore, one of us will have our hands full with our son when the other of us is not here. We do not want to leave anything to our son as he spends way beyond his means and we will not enable this behavior. Should he be notified in advance of our passing that he is out of the will or what do you recommend for our situation?
You write apology letters to his girlfriend that he dictates? After 23 years in the practice of law, I can now say that I have heard EVERYTHING. Hire a law firm that does only wills and trusts. You can disown him in your will but it must be done properly. You may also wish to consider putting some money in a trust for him when you die, to be administered by a trustee who will only allow the money to be spent in a conservative manner. I have always been an advocate of telling people exactly what is in the will before you die. However, if there may be a violent reaction you may wish to reconsider this idea. Good luck to you. Let me know if I have not answered all of your questions.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
You have answered most of the question, but how does the survivor of us handle him alone when he finds out that he is not getting what he will think is his share of the first passing parent? He will demand a large amount and we know he will give the survivor a hard time about a trustee. If there is no reasonable answer to this question then so be it.
You are going to have to learn how to stand up to this person, or ignore him. Remember when only one of you dies, the answer is simple. The entire estate went to the surviving spouse, there is no inheritance now. This argues in favor of telling him NOW that you both have disinherited him. You can both face the music together, and present a united front. Maybe it will cause him to treat you better.
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