You have separate issues going on here and are trying to tie them together. First, you are seeking to modify your support because of her not having child care expenses for the last 2 years and because you have another child to care for. This is something that will take place immediately if granted by the court. Second, you have a request from her to allow a step parent adoption which is completely separate from the modification. Your agreeing to the adoption has nothing to do with the modification, BUT it can be used to your advantage.
Using the adoption to your advantage means you would use the modification as a negotiation tool and you can craft the adoption agreement in a manner that benefits you by getting her to stipulate that she will agree to the modification in consideration of you agreeing to the adoption and that in the event the adoption does not take place she agrees not to rescind her agreement to your modification request and agrees not to file any new modification request for at least 3 years (the court will not uphold an agreement where she agrees to forever waive any modification as it is not in the best interests of the child).
You really should have an attorney here and if you cannot afford one you should call the state bar and ask for the pro bono attorneys in your area to assist you.
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