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Ask ANDREA, Your Own Question
ANDREA,, Lawyer
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 12554
Experience:  25 yrs Family Law, Real Estate & Business Law, Criminal Defense, Immigration, Employment Law
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Andrea... please clarify.

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Andrea... please clarify.
You recommend an aggressive approach and demand basically very little visitation. Do you not feel that will bite me as being controlling and selfish. In alaska, almost all cases, the parents get 50/50 custody. Unless serious issues come into play.

My case is unique as we were never married, I had the top notch attorney, and the child custody investigators recommendation, the judge couldn't totally disregard his findings. However, judges tend to have sympathy for dads without attorneys.
So by being this aggressive can I bring in with this new judge the investigators recommendations to actually back the new current issues up. I guess to "Justify" my request. Melissa - I feel I almost ready to file - Thank you
Hi, Melissa,


Sorry, I was not online last night,



To Answer your question, it is a very aggressive approach. Ordinarily, I would be the first to encourage a child to have a relationship with his or her father, so that the child is not deprived of either parent and the child grows up knowing the love and security of both parents. However, from the facts you stated, I cannot see where your son's father has his best interests at heart, I cannot see him as a positive role model, and I see him exhibiting characteristics and personality treats that are both negative and detrimental to your son who is at a very impressionable age and soaks in everything like a sponge. All you have to do is ask yourself if you want your son growing up to be like his father.


I do not know the inner workings of the Alaska Family Court, all I know is the law and what is in the best interests of the child or children in a particular situation. But if the Judge is sympathetic to father's who are not represented, then the Judge should be just as sympathetic to you since you are not represented. I would like to think that the Family Court Judge would understand where you are coming from when you politely and respectfully XXXXX XXXXX Judge everything that you have stated in your Answer and Counterclaim.

If you would feel more comfortable, delete that part of the "Wherefore" clause that requests the Court to give the father 1 afternoon. However, I would certainly keep that part which states no overnight visits until your son is emotionally ready because if the father was a caring and concerned father, he would have been able to calm your son down to a certain degree, and not allow him to cry all night. I believe that the Judge should know how insensitive the father is to your son's feelings. The Judge should also be made aware of the lying he has been doing to your son, his teaching your son that school is not important, and everything else I mentioned in all of my previous Answers. He also would not have lied to your son when he said that you could not go to pick him up. That probably frightened your son and possibly made him think that he would not see you again. Nobody knows how a 4 ½ year old processes this in their brain and it is only years later when the insecurities and the phobias surface. No matter how sympathetic a Family Court Judge is to fathers, his primary purpose should be to consider all the evidence and then make a decision based on "what is in the best interests of the child".


I also believe it is extremely important that you file a petition for Contempt because of his nonpayment of child support and tell the Court that he gets paid under the table during the few times that he did work, and ask the Judge to compel him to seek employment, rather than sit around and be a negative role model for your son.

Let me know how you revise your Answer to his Petition to Modify Custody and your Counterclaim before you file it.

Please be kind enough to press "Accept" so that I receive credit for my time and effort in researching your question, otherwise I do not get paid anything at all







to an Expert Went above and Beyond in Assisting you

ANDREA, and other Family Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

Thank so very much for all your support and advice, I hope to get this done this week as I'm in Anchorage for a week of allergy testing & Dr.s for my son. I will include this information of his need for an epi pen and the father refuses to learn its use nor will he take first aid / cpr for his safety. I know it can not be enforced, however, he should want to and I don't believe it will hurt to mention it to the court.


Anyways, again thank you. I'll contact you again if I need anything further. You've given me a lot to process and record.


Hi, Melissa,

Thank you once again for Accepting my Answer, your kind words in Feedback and your generous Bonus, I appreciate it, but again I will say that what I appreciate the most is the confidence you have in me by allowing me to help you with your questions and concerns,

Learning how to use the epi pen, first aid, CPR, these are all so important. We hope we'll never need it, but we should know these procedures (I am so embarrassed to say that I faint when I see blood and cry when I see someone in pain, so I never learned any of these procedures. Although I suppose if one was compelled to learn them, I probably would, but I would graduate at the bottom of my class.


When you get to the hearing stage, as I said before, speak softly, and respectfully, XXXXX XXXXX assertiveness so that the Judge knows that you know what you're talking about. Remember to say everything that is in your Counterclaim (most of the time, Judges have not read the pleadings), keep stressing the "best interests of the child", let the Judge know what the father was not willing to do, like this

"Your Honor, I've heard so much about children suffering and dying needlessly and how if someone had known CPR, the child could have been saved, so I decided I had to enroll in a course to learn it and suggested to Mr. ____________ to learn it also for the benefit of our son, but he couldn't be bothered. I asked Mr. ______________ to ____________ , but again he found an excuse to avoid it. I don't know how to make him care for his son so I've given up.

Just keep saying that for everything he has refused to do, but don't do it in an accusatory tone, Use more of a plaintive tone, so the Judge gets the picture. You should also make sure you get the Judge to see what a poor and negative example he is setting for your son. Just keep thinking that if he gets the Judge to feel sorry for him and rule in his favor, your son will not be taken to pre-school any more, he will be lied to, and he will be made to feel very insecure. And, don't forget to drop it here and there that he refuses to work which not only sets a bad example for your son, but also deprives him of child support.

It would help, if you wrote down some notes of what you want to say, that way, you won't forget anything. But, the most important thing that you must say and you should write this in your notes several times -


"Petitioner's Petition MUST be dismissed because there have been no change in circumstances, substantial, or otherwise which would warrant Petitioner filing his Petition to Modify Custody and, therefore, according to law, it must be dismissed".

Let me now when you are filing your Answer and Counterclaim and what, if anything, you have changed.

Stay well and Kindest Regards,

ANDREA, and other Family Law Specialists are ready to help you