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Yeah. There is no way to get around the penalty if you place his name on the home now. I am sorry he is feeling so insecure with this arrangement.
Also, as it stands, should he divorce you before the 3 years he would not be automatically entitled to any share of the property because it is considered "non marital" because it was purchased before the marriage. However, you could draft a post nuptial agreement wherein you guarantee that should the marriage dissolve before the home is transferred to him, you will give him any monies that he himself has put into the maintenance of the home - such as paying the mortgage or utility bills or other up keep.
Unfortunately, he will just need to be patient. The offer your Father is making to pay his school loans is very generous and he should seriously consider that.
I would never suggest such a post nup be signed. I would not provide information on that. I believe you need to present that to a local attorney and have them review it.
As to duress, sure you could argue you were forced because he threatened to divorce