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Jane Doe Deer
Jane Doe Deer, Lawyer
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 3896
Experience:  Attorney since 1986; Plain English explanations of support, visitation, custody, etc.
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My question is rather intricate, it would take a dissertation

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My question is rather intricate, it would take a dissertation to explain exactly what is going on,but I will give u what i can fit on this page. All I need to know is after you read this, what can we do?
1.My husband agreed naively to use the same lawyer as his ex wife had picked, under the impression that it would just make things go easier & better (easier & better for her). He just wanted out of that marriage, and agreed to everything in the property settlement agreement done in 1999.
* This is what was in the property settlement agreement:After each sect, I will explain what I think the ex has done to break the property settlement agreement.
ORDERED that pursuant to Section 20-145.5 of the Code of VA, as amended, as a condition of any custody of visitation ordered herein, any party intending to relocate is required to provide the Court and to the other party thirty days' advanced written notice of any intended change of address and phone #, And it is further
ORDERED as follows as to custody and visitation for the minor child pursuant to Paragraph III, A and B of the Property, Support, and Custody Settlement Agreement:
The Parties agree that the Wife shall have sole legal and primary physical custody of the minor child of the parties, John Doe III, whose date of birth is Feb. xx, 1996. The husband shall have liberal and reasonable visitation with the child provided, however, that he does not remove the child from the wife's state of residence (his ex currently lives somewhere in Pittsburgh, Pa), w/o the written consent of the Wife and that he does not allow the child to have any contact with any member of the opposite sex (me, his current wife) not related to the Husband by blood or marriage without prior written consent fo the Wife.
*RE: the above section I just quoted, his ex-wife hasn't let my husband see his son since 2002 nor speak to him, & in 2003 she sold her original house that she first moved into in Pittsburgh, the house listed on the court record, & hasn't told the courts/ my husband/DCSE where she and my husband's son currently live. She hasn't answered her phone since she moved & refuses to when she sees its him calling. When she moved out of the house that is on the courts record, she moved into the house of the vetrinarian she'd been dating for a couple of years. She met this Vetrinarian within a year of moving to Pittsburgh, hence selling her house and moving in with him in 2003. My husband and I know this information because my husband's mother is allowed to visit a couple times a year, but she was given an ultimatum that if she ever told John(my husband) where his son lives, that would end my mother-in-laws contact with John's son, and so my mother-in-law in her own selfish manner refuses to tell us where or how to contact his son. John tried getting the current address from DCSE but they refused to let him see his file. But the one good thing about this arrangement is that she will tell us how his son is doing and what John's ex wife is saying or doing.
ok, more of the property agreemnt:

The parties agree upon the imortance of the establishment & maintainance of the child's affection & respect for the other parent. (I AM CAPITALIZING THIS PART MYSELF TO SHOW THE IMPORTANCE OF THIS PART IN THE AGREEMENT) EACH PARTY AGREES NOT TO ATTEMPT TO INFLUENCE THE CHILD AGAINST THE OTHER PARENT BY ANY ACT OR WORDS SPOKEN TO THE CHILD OR IN PUBLIC, and the parties further agree to use their best efforts not to expose the childto statements made by others which are derogatory to the other parent. (AGAIN CAP FOR IMPORTANCE) NEITHER PARTY SHALL SAY OR DO ANYTHING THAT WOULD ALIENATE THE CHILD FROM THE OTHER PARTY, & it is further ordered...
*re: to the above section, I would think that by literally not letting my husband know where his son lives or how to contact his son, as well as, his ex has told their son, just last year,that she&the vet are married,which is false as far as we know,because the vet is still trying to get a divorce settled from his wife,who also is a vet a co-owner of the current vetrinarian business they own. Just last week, we found out that John's ex is now going to be a partner in a new vet practice that he is buying. Now, doesn't this all constitute alientating the child from the othr parent.
ORDERED as follows pursuant to Paragraph III, C of the parties' Property so to child support:The parties agree that the Husband shall pay the Wife the sum of Six Hundred Dollars ($600.00)per month effective January 1, 2000, (I am running out of space) and pay the wife a sum of $1400 month starting on Jan. 1, 2000, she said she wouldn't enforce the alimony knowing he doesn't make that much money per month,but then in 2003 she filed with DCSE for back support for both alimony&child support. After a yr or so,she pulled the alimony support,knowing he couldn't afford to pay both, but to this day,she holds that alimony support over his head should he try anything.

Thank you for contacting Just Answer. I look forward to assisting you.


While we write back and forth, please keep in mind that I do not know what you already know or don't know, or with what you need help, unless you tell me. Sometimes I'm unable to read your entire question until AFTER I write back to you.


Although it's usually five minutes, sometimes there can be a delay of an hour or more in between my answers because I may be researching the answer to your question, helping other customers, or taking a break. If we are writing late at night, I may have to go to sleep and resume helping you the following morning.


I need the following information before I can answer your question:


Can you please boil your legal question down to a one-sentence question?


We will write back and forth if we need to. I'm here to help.



Please be aware that and are pay-for-answer web companies. You have offered to pay me $48 for my work and I just need your acknowledgement that you will pay JustAnswer and me for the answer (as long as you are satisfied that I answered your question, of course).


I'll look forward to hearing from you,


Jane Doe Deer

Customer: replied 6 years ago.

Did my question even appear, or did you just get part of it

It's WAY too long for me to read before I know what question you're asking!


It may have been cut off. The last sentence reads:


"After a yr or so,she pulled the alimony support,knowing he couldn't afford to pay both, but to this day,she holds that alimony support over his head should he try anything."


Then you also say a little bit about what you tried.


You should be able to scroll up to the very top of the question, just as I can. There should be a scroll bar on the very, very right-hand side of your screen.


So, since we're just talking, again, please, in one sentence, what is your question?


We'll discuss it; I'm not going to just say something and shut the door.





Customer: replied 6 years ago.

oh lord this is going to take a while. I cannot sum it to one sentence.


in my husbands property settlement agreement with his ex, it stated that in no way should either parent do or say anything to alienate the child, or say disparaging remarks about the other party. Also, he has liberal visitation rights, and she hasn't let my husband see his son since 2002, witholding where they live and how to contact him, even tho in the agreement they r supposed to give to the courts in writing where they currently live. This is just a small portion of my question. Also, she has moved in , since 2003 with a vet, n a very nice mansion, while my husband pays out of his ass for her lifestyle. Also, she has told my husbands son that she and the vetrinarian she has been living with since 2003 that they are married. isn't that alientating the child from the other party, not to mention we have no idea where they live

Customer: replied 6 years ago.

I guess in one sentence, what can we do to find his son, and can we charge her criminally for kidnapping, seeing as we don't know where they live


That helped!


Perhaps I can suggest a question to you: Are you asking how to go about returning to court and changing the court orders for custody, visitation, support, and so forth? Is that your question?


Just saw your new post: How old is the child or children? How long have they been missing?


But it concerns me that you don't know the location of the children - did I hear that correctly? If so, what steps have you taken to try to find them?


My best,




PS I'll have to finish up for tonight within the next hour. I don't work Saturdays, but we can resume Sunday, Monday, whenever.


I didn't want you to feel cut off if a day or so passes and you don't hear back from me. I'm flying somewhere tomorrow....will have my laptop with me!

Customer: replied 6 years ago.

We know that they live somewhere in Pittsburgh, PA, but his ex didn't update the court with the new address or DCSE, because they would find out that she might actually be remarried, and she doesn't want to lose all the money she is receiving from John. Essentially, if my husband died, I wouldn't know how or where to contact his son. His son will be turning 15 in Feb. 2011, and his ex wife is willing to do anything to not let John see his son.

As to what you asked about in your reply, about visitation, custody, etc....court stuff, yes I would like to know if there is anything we can do about that as well.

We haven't tried anything to try and find them because his ex said she would go back to social services and reimput the back alimony support, not to mention, we live in a basement, can't afford to put milk in our fridge, much less, hire someone to track them down. She receives approx. $1400. mnth from John's check, while we get to keep approx. $1000. mnth from john's check, and I am disabled, with severe illness, with medicines that cost ungodly amounts.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Just to let u know I will pay you the $48, but wouldn't this b quicker and easier if continued by phone, therefor, I could much easier explain the complete situation

Yes, it would be, but JustAnswer doesn't allow its Experts to communicate with customers outside of JA. It's a bit harder this way, but we charge much less this way too. I get half of what you pay, and I normally charge $300/hr.


Anyway, you do have a number of legal issues. You can address them all at the same time, or one at a time.


First, since your situation involves two states, contact this organization immediately. It's free: After you have reported your child missing to law enforcement, call the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children (NCMEC) on our toll-free telephone number: 1-800-THE-LOST (1-800-843-5678). Or you can use our Live Hotline to talk to NCMEC through our web site.


You need to tell them that the ex kidnapped the kids with the intent to permanently deprive your husband of them. Be sure they know that your husband has visitation and custody rights under the court order, assuming that he does, and that the mother has taken the children to an unknown location.


They may suggest that you file a police report. If so, ask them how they suggest getting around the fact that most police depts will refuse to do so, calling it a civil matter.


Now, secondly, what your husband can do is file a motion and set up a hearing in the same court in which he was divorced, under the same case number. It will be a motion asking the court to order changes in visitation, custody, and support.


I can send you a sample/example and rudimentary instructions if you don't know how to do this (no extra charge).


Assuming your husband got divorced in Virginia, here is a link to where you may find some more, free help and information, and possibly even free legal aid:


I want to send what I've written up to now to you because it's really windy and I'm afraid I'm going to lose my power, as I did just a few days ago, all night long.


If we do get "disconnected," don't worry - I will write back to you no later than Sunday, I promise.


In the meantime, I have an assignemtn for your husband.


He needs to write out a chronology starting with the divorce.


For example


5/5/2010 Court ordered divorce


5/7/2010 Ex refused visitation with "C" (Child's first name only, or first and last initials).


This will be needed for when he goes to court, so there is no time like the present to begin writing it out. Organization helps a great deal when you deal with judges, the police, bureaucrats, etc.


This may be good night until Sunday,



Customer: replied 6 years ago.
please send that sample/example, and then, that should be it. Thank you. Your last answer has been the most help we have ever gotten. One last question, before I pay you, what happens to his ex, once report that his son is missing and purposefully being withheld from seeing his dad, would she be charged criminally, would anything happen to her?

I'm here to help people, so please feel free to ask more questions after you accept, or ask for me by name in the future on a new question. I just wanted to let you know my power is fluctuating, and that I won't be working tomorrow.


This gives me some time to expand on my answer. If you try to file a police report and they laugh at you, make an appointment to see a local deputy prosecuting attorney (they may call it district attorney or something similar). Sometimes they will accept a police matter (it's kind of like going over the heads of the police if the police turn you down).


If you are able to get law enforcement's participation, if the prosecutor feels that he or she will be able to prove criminal conduct, yes, the mother would be published criminally. (Don't expect much of a sentence, however, especially if she is a first-timer).


So, what I'm trying to explain is that whether criminal charges will go forward will depend on whether your local prosecuting attorney (district atty) believes that he or she can win a case.


They may, however, agree to conduct an investigation and attempt to find the child.


Try to get your child's name placed on NCIS (I'm getting forgetful, but I think it's the National Crime Information something something). Once your child's name is XXXXX XXXXX list, PA police may be able to join the hunt, get warrants, etc.


Also, check into Amber Alerts. I know they're related to missing/kidnapped children, but honestly, I've never personally been involved with one of these.


Now, the example I'm going to present to you is extremely generic. It's for modifying child support. In your case, your motion will be for sanctions, changes to visitation and custody, and modification of child support, or something like that (don't make the heading too long, but be sure you cover each item).


When you go through the sample list, write a number, and then one fact per sentence. I've shown an example. Use chronological order.


You may attach anything you want as an exhibit, but number the exhibits and only provide copies, never originals.


You will need to mail this to the ex's former atty first, unless you're sure she's no longer represented. If she's not represented, send it to the last known address.

You may also need to publish in your state and PA.


OK, again, this is an example. Where it refers to "you" or in "your case," keep in mind that that was something I wrote for another customer, not you, ok?






OK, first pull out your file of documents and find the most recent order or motion.


What you're going to do is write a Motion to Modify Child Support (or, in your case, you could call it something like a Motion to Stop Paying Child Support).


Come up with a form that looks somewhat similar to your previous documents - especially if you have one written by an attorney. The format is not that important, but do try to leave at least 4 inches on the top of the first page, and one inch margins all around.


Now, in your motion, you'd say something like this:



[YOUR FULL NAME] moves this court for an order [modifying or stopping or whatever is most appropriate] his child support obligations. This motion is based on the following declaration [and any exhibits you may have, IF you have any evidence to present to the court].



  • 1. I, [YOUR FULL NAME] am over 18 years old and otherwise competent to testify.


  • 2. I have been paying [$amount] per month since [date] in child support on behalf of my son, [name].


  • 3. The court ordered me to pay child support while [son's name] attends college.


  • 4. To the best of my knowledge and belief, [son's name] is not longer attending college.


  • 5. Anything else you may want to say that would be important for the court to know.


The above statement is true and complete to the best of my knowledge and belief.


Signed August X, 2008 in [name of city], [state].






Now, take this motion and any attached exhibits and make three or four copies (I always make extras). Mark the original as "original" (preferably in red) and mark the copies as "copy" (any color).


Go to the court with your calendar and cash, in case there is a charge and they don't take checks or charge cards. Take the original and copies, of course. (If you are far away, you'll have to call them and ask how to do this by mail) and get the clerk of the court to help you set up a hearing date and time for the court to consider your motion. Ask the court clerk if you need to provide the judge with a "bench copy," and, if so, ask for the local instructions.


Now, mail a copy of both the notice of the hearing AND the motion with any attachments to the "other side." This will be an attorney if your ex is still represented. Otherwise, just mail it to your ex. It's safest to mail this to your ex by certified/return receipt mail so that you have a paper trail that you mailed it. You can even photocopy the envelope before mailing it, just in case there's any doubt raised by the judge if your ex doesn't attend the hearing.


A few days before the hearing, make sure that the judge gets a "bench copy" of what you filed, with the date and time of the hearing on it. Ask the Court Clerk for the rules in submitting this to the judge.


Then, of course, be sure to attend the hearing and present your case.





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