Family Law

Family law questions? Ask a family lawyer online.

Ask a Lawyer,
Get an Answer ASAP!

I live in Kansas my son is 11 years old he wants my husband…

Customer Question
I live in Kansas my...
I live in Kansas my son is 11 years old he wants my husband to adopt him it has been three years since his dad has had anything to do with him.. Last year he seen his dad on accident does that count as seeing him? what can we do to start the adoption or do we need to wait another 2 years. I know if we brought the adoption to his bio fathers attention he wouldn't let it happen even though he has nothing to do with his son.. Is my son old enough to say what he wants he will be 12 in September
Submitted: 8 years ago.Category: Family Law
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Family Law Question
Answered in 1 hour by:
6/20/2010
Family Lawyer: dkennedy, Attorney at Law replied 8 years ago
dkennedy
dkennedy, Attorney at Law
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 6,009
Experience: JD Degree, Social Service Experience, Child Support Officer
Verified

Hello,

 

I would like to help you with this, but I do need to ask you a few questions.

 

Does his father pay child support?

Is the father established legally as the father? Do you have legal custody? Does he have court ordered visitation?

 

What have you done to try to encourage contact between your son and his father?

 

Are you encouraging the adoption idea because you no longer wish to have the "dad" involved with you or your son?

 

Ask Your Own Family Law Question
Customer reply replied 8 years ago
The father does not pay me child support he pays child support to the state for when I was on state assistants no he does not have visitation he has been legally found as the father his name is XXXXX XXXXX birth certificate he has drug and alcohol problems and she I am encouraging this adoption but my son is the one that brought it up he would love for my husband to be his dad... I have not done anything to encourage my son to see his dad and he doesn't want to see his dad.. He has a 26 year old brother from his dad that came down that year and took my son for a little while and he seen his dad I was told the dad wasn't going to be there
Family Lawyer: dkennedy, Attorney at Law replied 8 years ago

Hello,

 

If there is a court order for support, you should be getting your current support before the state gets any, but since you didn't ask about that, I will move to another subject.

 

Even in the area of family law (divorce, custody, visitation, etc.) many people think the law is "black and white" and that there are specific laws on each and every detail of the proceedings, but that is not true. In order for the new husband to adopt your son, you would, of course, have to terminate the rights of the father.

 

That is usually not easy to do. The courts believe that each child has a right to know who his or her parents are. Also, if every "mom" was able to terminate the rights of the "dad" after they broke up and she moved on to another boyfriend or husband, the courts would be totally clogged up by termination and adoption cases. The case law pretty much has shown that the courts will not easily terminate the rights of the father (or mother for that matter) for numerous reasons, including the idea of getting support, knowing your family medical and other history, the idea that a biological parent has inherent rights, and others.

 

That being said, if you succeed in getting the father's rights terminated, you would then proceed with the adoption.

 

As for your child being able to go into court and "pick" who he wants as a dad, there is no age at which that can happen. Possibly with teenagers, the court might listen to their wishes. The older the child, the more likely it is that the court might listen to them. They adhere to the idea that these decisions are for adults, not children. And, it is a huge burden to put on a child to have to stand in a courtroom and say he wants a new father.

 

Courts also put a great deal of importance on which parent would be the best to foster contact with the other parent. So if you take this to a contested hearing, your ex might bring it up that you have not allowed visitation. It is pretty telling that you let the 26 year old brother visit on the condition that the boy didn't see his dad. Yet, you say that the dad doesn't want anything to do with him. These are the things that the father and his attorney, are likely to bring up. Courts don't like this at all.

 

None of this sounds good to you, I know, but I just want you to know the reality of the situation. Courts hear every day, that the mom is now re-married and the new husband "wants to adopt." It is a very serious matter, and the courts do not take these things lightly.

 

If and when you get to court, be as nice as you can when testifying and do not, under any circumstances, "bash" the other parent--it only will come back to haunt you.

 

Get a good attorney, because this is not the time to have any mistakes made. Good luck.

 

Ask Your Own Family Law Question
Customer reply replied 8 years ago

I have no way of getting ahold of the father his family tells me the only way is if he gets ahold of them so how would I go about finding him?? 5 years ago he took me to court for visitation and the judge granted supervised visits after 2 months he quit coming around or calling... Before the supervised visits he had received a few DUI's and endangering a child he is a drug addict and an alcoholic... He was abusive to me in front of my son until I left him and got away... So you are saying I shouldn't bring any of this up in court or should I just let the attorney know and let him decide???

Family Lawyer: dkennedy, Attorney at Law replied 8 years ago

As far as the dad's history, just talk that over with the attorney. And, I'm not saying to hide it, but rather not to "go off" and sound hateful about it.

 

Here is an example:

 

If asked on the stand about your ex's drug and alcohol history, don't say: "That dirty )((*&^(%%)) is a no-good alcoholic and drug addict and he's never going to see his son again."

 

But, this is better:

 

"Unfortunately "Bob" has had problems with substances and when we were together he was not successful in getting treatment for it. This created a dangerous situation at times, for both me and my son."

 

Can you see that the second example sounds calm, intelligent, and mature. You are not personally against him (which happens often) but rather are looking out for your son's best interest.

 

Half the people that are involved in custody cases, divorce, visitation and termination cases, accuse the other parent of drugs, alcohol, domestic abuse, and abandonment. So, the courts hear that daily and repeatedly. You have to demonstrate you thought it out, and are doing your best for your son--nothing hateful or personal against the dad.

 

Ask Your Own Family Law Question
Customer reply replied 8 years ago
Relist: Inaccurate answer.
Was this answer helpful?

How JustAnswer works

step-image
Describe your issueThe assistant will guide you
step-image
Chat 1:1 with a family lawyerLicensed Experts are available 24/7
step-image
100% satisfaction guaranteeGet all the answers you need
Ask dkennedy Your Own Question
dkennedy
dkennedy
dkennedy, Attorney at Law
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 6,009
6,009 Satisfied Customers
Experience: JD Degree, Social Service Experience, Child Support Officer

dkennedy is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Not only did he answer my Michigan divorce question but was also able to help me out with it, too. I have since won my legal case on this matter and thank you so much for it.

LeeMichigan

Mr. Kaplun clearly had an exceptional understanding of the issue and was able to explain it concisely. I would recommend JustAnswer to anyone. Great service that lives up to its promises!

Gary B.Edmond, OK

My Expert was fast and seemed to have the answer to my taser question at the tips of her fingers. Communication was excellent. I left feeling confident in her answer.

EricRedwood City, CA

I am very pleased with JustAnswer as a place to go for divorce or criminal law knowledge and insight.

MichaelWichita, KS

PaulMJD helped me with questions I had regarding an urgent legal matter. His answers were excellent.

Three H.Houston, TX

Anne was extremely helpful. Her information put me in the right direction for action that kept me legal, possible saving me a ton of money in the future. Thank you again, Anne!!

ElaineAtlanta, GA

It worked great. I had the facts and I presented them to my ex-landlord and she folded and returned my deposit. The 50 bucks I spent with you solved my problem.

TonyApopka, FL

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

Ely

Ely

Counselor at Law

11,971 satisfied customers

Private practice with focus on family, criminal, PI, consumer protection, and business consultation.

LawTalk

LawTalk

Attorney and Counselor at Law

9,034 satisfied customers

30 years legal experience. I remain current in Family Law through regular continuing education.

Dimitry K., Esq.

Dimitry K., Esq.

Attorney

7,856 satisfied customers

I provide family and divorce law advice to my clients in my firm.

P. Simmons

P. Simmons

Lawyer

3,624 satisfied customers

16 yrs. of experience including family law.

Barrister

Barrister

Lawyer

3,607 satisfied customers

Attorney with 17 years experience

RobertJDFL

RobertJDFL

Lawyer

3,019 satisfied customers

Experienced in multiple areas of the law.

ScottyMacEsq

ScottyMacEsq

Lawyer

2,828 satisfied customers

Licensed Texas General Practice Attorney

< Previous | Next >

Related Family Law Questions
My sons biological father left 6 years ago, no word was
My sons biological father left 6 years ago , no word was given to myself, my son or my now husband that he was leaving! He moved to Georgia where now he is remarried with a biological child with her! … read more
Ray
Ray
Lawyer
Doctoral Degree
33,797 satisfied customers
I have seen or heard from ex husband in 3 years he hasn't
I have seen or heard from ex husband in 3 years he hasn't paid child support nor have seen my children since December of 2012 my 4 year old wouldn't even know who he is my current husband would like t… read more
AttyHeather
AttyHeather
Attorney
Juris Doctorate
637 satisfied customers
I have 50/50 custody of my son. He is a resident of Texas
I have 50/50 custody of my son. He is a resident of Texas and has been for the last six years. I introduced my son to his bio father at the beginning of the summer. The third time I allowed my son to … read more
P. Simmons
P. Simmons
Lawyer
Doctoral Degree
3,624 satisfied customers
I will make this as short as I can lol. We are in Washington
I will make this as short as I can lol. We are in Washington State, if that matters. My girlfriend and I are going to be getting married in the near future, she has a 3 year old son. We are talking ab… read more
Michael J, Esq.
Michael J, Esq.
Solo Practicioner
Doctoral Degree
3 satisfied customers
My husband and I are married, we have 3 children, and there
My husband and I are married, we have 3 children, and there is 5 parents. Our oldest is 16 years old, she has a different bio father then my husband but same bio mother of our middle daughter. Our Son… read more
Alex Esquire
Alex Esquire
Managing Attorney
Doctoral Degree
153 satisfied customers
I haven't seen my x husband in 11 years he abandoned me less
I haven't seen my x husband in 11 years he abandoned me less than a month after we got married and abandoned our son 6 months after that. He was in jail the last 6 months of my pregnancy counting in t… read more
Phillips Esq.
Phillips Esq.
Attorney
JD
20,492 satisfied customers
My husband and I are in the process of him adopting my son
My husband and I are in the process of him adopting my son who is six years old. The biological father is in prison. He was incarcerated in this April and will be getting out July 2016. This is his si… read more
Sam
Sam
Attorney
Doctoral Degree
10,701 satisfied customers
Hello! I have a seven years old son. I divorced his dad before
Hello! I have a seven years old son. I divorced his dad before my son was born because I discovered he is a sex offender. Last year I married a great man who has been a wonderful dad for my son. My so… read more
Alex Esquire
Alex Esquire
Managing Attorney
Doctoral Degree
153 satisfied customers
I live in Virginia, my sons biological father has not had a
I live in Virginia, my sons biological father has not had a relationship with my son in 9 years, he now wants to see him. My husband has raised my son with me since he was 3 months old, my son also kn… read more
Barrister
Barrister
Lawyer
Doctoral Degree
3,607 satisfied customers
Hi - I have 2 children. Their dad and I were never married
Hi - I have 2 children. Their dad and I were never married but we broke up back in 2007. We never went through the legal system in regards XXXXX XXXXX support and child custody. We simply agreed that … read more
Alex Esquire
Alex Esquire
Managing Attorney
Doctoral Degree
153 satisfied customers
Bio mother is currently on case plan children are in temp custody
Bio mother is currently on case plan children are in temp custody of grandparents, one of the children is not our bio grandchild. Bio mother had paternity test showing bio dad as his father during bab… read more
Georgetown Lawyer
Georgetown Lawyer
Principal Attorney
Post-Doctoral Degree
11,193 satisfied customers
Hello. I would like some info about step parent adoption. I
Hello. I would like some info about step parent adoption. I gave birth to my daughter in 2006. Her bio dad was somewhat involved until 3 months of pregnancy. After that he claimed she wasn't his. He h… read more
Tina
Tina
Doctoral Degree
83 satisfied customers
My husband and I live just outside Louisville KY. We would
My husband and I live just outside Louisville KY. We would both like it if he could adopt my son but are having trouble getting my sons biological father to consent to the adoption. For three years he… read more
Ely
Ely
Counselor at Law
Juris Doctor
11,971 satisfied customers
I recently married the mother of my 12 Yr old son. We live
I recently married the mother of my 12 Yr old son. We live in Louisiana now. We were together in 1999 for about a year,& she moved to her mothers in Georgia. She moved back here to La. when my Oldest … read more
Roger
Roger
Litigation Attorney
Doctoral Degree
26,939 satisfied customers
My sons biological father is not in the picture at all. He
My son's biological father is not in the picture at all. He is not on my son's birth certificate. There has not been any contact in over 12 years. My husband wants to adopt him or at least change his … read more
P. Simmons
P. Simmons
Lawyer
Doctoral Degree
3,624 satisfied customers
My husband and I adopted 4 of our grandchildren through CPS.
My husband and I adopted 4 of our grandchildren through CPS. My son and his wife managed to retain custody of their fifth child....until now. We recently got custody of their fifth child through CPS. … read more
legaleagle
legaleagle
Attorney
Doctoral Degree
7,047 satisfied customers
Is it possible to change a fathers name on a birth cirtificate
Is it possible to change a fathers name on a birth cirtificate if the father has never had anything to do with the child and paternity or custody has never been filed with the courts?… read more
NJ FamLaw
NJ FamLaw
Doctoral Degree
517 satisfied customers
My 1-year-old sons biological father has not seen him or tried
My 1-year-old son's biological father has not seen him or tried to contact me in over 2 months. He has not paid child support in over 4 months, and even when he did pay, it was only up to $50 per mont… read more
Lawrence D. Gorin
Lawrence D. Gorin
Attorney at Law
J.D. (Juris Doctor)
46 satisfied customers

DISCLAIMER: Answers from Experts on JustAnswer are not substitutes for the advice of an attorney. JustAnswer is a public forum and questions and responses are not private or confidential or protected by the attorney-client privilege. The Expert above is not your attorney, and the response above is not legal advice. You should not read this response to propose specific action or address specific circumstances, but only to give you a sense of general principles of law that might affect the situation you describe. Application of these general principles to particular circumstances must be done by a lawyer who has spoken with you in confidence, learned all relevant information, and explored various options. Before acting on these general principles, you should hire a lawyer licensed to practice law in the jurisdiction to which your question pertains.

The responses above are from individual Experts, not JustAnswer. The site and services are provided “as is”. To view the verified credential of an Expert, click on the “Verified” symbol in the Expert’s profile. This site is not for emergency questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals. Please carefully read the Terms of Service (last updated February 8, 2012).

DISCLAIMER: Answers from Experts on JustAnswer are not substitutes for the advice of an attorney. JustAnswer is a public forum and questions and responses are not private or confidential or protected by the attorney-client privilege. The Expert above is not your attorney, and the response above is not legal advice. You should not read this response to propose specific action or address specific circumstances, but only to give you a sense of general principles of law that might affect the situation you describe. Application of these general principles to particular circumstances must be done by a lawyer who has spoken with you in confidence, learned all relevant information, and explored various options. Before acting on these general principles, you should hire a lawyer licensed to practice law in the jurisdiction to which your question pertains.

The responses above are from individual Experts, not JustAnswer. The site and services are provided “as is”. To view the verified credential of an Expert, click on the “Verified” symbol in the Expert’s profile. This site is not for emergency questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals. Please carefully read the Terms of Service (last updated February 8, 2012).

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x