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LawTalk, Attorney and Counselor at Law
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 37855
Experience:  30 years legal experience. I remain current in Family Law through regular continuing education.
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the main issue holding up this JPA in this divorce case, is

Resolved Question:

the main issue holding up this JPA in this divorce case, is the sleepover of a partner who is not married to the party involved. The opposing partner is passing strict moral judgment, and I would like to know if there is a law regarding this, or if going to trial, it is up to the strict discretion of the judge in the case. Do you have case studies?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  LawTalk replied 7 years ago.
Good morning,

I'm sorry to hear of your dilemma.

You are almost certainly correct that your husband is both jealous and attempting to pass strict moral judgment--and perhaps for a good reason.

First of all, given that the two of you have failed to agree on a JPA, the judge ultimately will determine all the issues relating to the agreement. Issues that each of you have agreed upon will likely be signed off on. The parenting agreement, at least as it concerns sexual relations, or the appearance of sexual relations, between either of you and a third party in your respective homes while the children are present, will be solely determined by the judge based on the best interests of the children.

There have been a number of psychological studies in which it was found that the psychological burden that children bare is increased with the introduction of a new romantic interest of their parent's. Many attorneys issue sage advice to their clients to specifically avoid that which you are fighting to preserve the right to do.

Here is a link to a site of an Illinois attorney who has gone to great lengths to provide insightful, and often court-followed philosophy regarding parental behavior in divorce and custody cases:

While it is impossible to predict what your judge will rule in this situation, you risk losing much if you are unable to compromise now.

While you have no doubt considered these options, I will put them out anyway:
1. You might agree to have the no sleepover rule only apply on nights that you have custody of the children.
2. Write in a provision that the limitation ceases automatically upon your engagement.
3. Get married. Even the court can not prevent you from residing with your spouse.

I wish you and your children the best.

Best regards,


Customer: replied 7 years ago.
These are things that have already been addressed by the attornies and psychologists involved, and there are differing opinions, some of which are much like your answer. The fact of the matter is, no sleepovers on my part have taken place at all, nor do I intend for them to any time shortly. This is what makes it a strict moral judgment on the other part. Judging before the fact. There is also a stipulation that this will apply until the children reach their majority. That would be the next 13 years of my personal life, as well as the lives of the children. I find it totally senseless and unnecessary, as the reason for the divorce to begin with was because he was a controlling, emotionally abusing husband and father while I was married to him, and I feel he thinks his control will continue if he would win this battle. This is his obsession......not the welfare of the children.
Expert:  LawTalk replied 7 years ago.
Good morning,

The court is very unlikely to force the restriction until the children reach the age of majority. Most judges will enforce it only for the first year or two following a divorce, if they enforce it at all.

I think that you are correct in asking the judge to rule on this issue and I have little doubt that your husbands controlling position on the matter will be dismissed as unreasonable and not in the best interests of the children.

I wish you well.

Best regards,


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