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Lissa M
Lissa M, Lawyer
Category: Family Law
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Experience:  23+ years experience in general practice
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I will be filing physical joint custody papers to serve the

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I will be filing physical joint custody papers to serve the father of my children. But, what can be done about him leaving my home? We have been separated for a year, and unfortunately, he has taken it very hard, no harm intended towards him. But, he has refused to leave and has been making it extremely difficult for me to go on with my life and begin to structure our childrens life as well. He text me on Mon. Apr. 27th stating that he would be serving me with joint custody papers & needed to know who should serve me. But, he became upset with me and send me a message the following day that he didnt like me f'd up attitude and figure out other way to end this bs because he is in no hurry-goodbye-that is the message. I really need help..I dont know what to do, I have been trying to be as civil as possible, trying to do things right for our children, giving him suggestions, telling him our priorities are the kids. Forget about what I do or am doing & concentrate on the important (kids)
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Lissa M replied 8 years ago.
Hi, thank you for using JA. I am an experienced practitioner and can offer some information.

The information here is intended generally, and is not specific for your state. Typically, joint custody has two aspects to it. Are you asking for joint legal and joint physical? While it is great to try to agree to as much as possible in any antagonistic situation, offering joint anything in the situation you describe could present problems, and may be hasty. Usually that is done when both parties agree on everything or most things, and have no difficulty discussing matters pertaining to the children and achieving agreements on them. In many states joint legal and joint physical negate child support obligations, since the parties share everything. Perhaps the term joint physical in your state has no other meanings attached to it.

Given that he is using foul language and being difficult in an already emotional circumstance you should be careful how much you agree to unless he too is willing to come to the table and put aside the emotional piece to resolve matters in a positive way for your children.

In many states it is impossible to get a husband out of the house absent an abuse order or claim of fear etc., which might be viable if his behavior were threatening, emotionally high and low, motivated by alcohol or mental instability etc. Also, if he can afford to live someplace else pending the conclusion of the matter, it could be ordered as well. You might try asking the court to order him vacated and state that he is resisting the process, will drag it out endlessly to the detriment o f you family and children, his ongoing presences in the home is confusing the children and sending them mixed messages; he is arguing or being confrontational in front of the children, and it is not in the best interests of the children to be subjected to this on a daily basis. They will have a hard enough time adapting to the changes occurring without the constant disruption in their face. The best interest of the children is the usual concern of the court. get it files and served. You can almost always amend complaints to reflect agreements or push it through if everything comes to agreement later. remember that behaving in any unreasonable way only profits the lawyers representing you that have to slog it out in court, and takes from your assets and those that might benefit your children for education, summer camp, extracurricular activities etc. If he is truly unreasonable there are often family service representatives that can help you work things out once they are started. You might try calling your local probate court ands see if they have any 'lawyer of the day' programs where you might speak to a local lawyer offering pro bono services. Many law school clinical programs also offer legal assistance in family court matters, if there are any law schools near where you live it is worth finding out. Finally, clerks employed but the court are not usually permitted to give legal advice, but will often share information based on their experience, so be polite ands ask questions.

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PS. I just saw the entire optional info which didn't pop up the first time i read your q. My advice is much the same, Child support is usually federally regulated and can be 1/2 of the fathres gross income on a scale used by courts. If the home is in your name only you may have a better opportunity to get him out once you file in court, as I believe CA is a community property state and you get to keep what you came with. One year is way tolong. File the papers.

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