Family Law Questions? Ask a Family Lawyer Online.
It sounds like it is time to visit an attorney and consider filing for a divorce. You are in a long term marriage and are entitled to alimony, an equitable division of marital asses and child support if you keep custody. It is obvious that is the way you are headed so delaying will not be in your best interest.
If I have answered your question, an accept and positive feedback is appreciated. Thanks!!!
You basically have no way to force him to do anything. You can decide to separate and get a temporary order from the court. A spouse has a legal duty of support but to enforce that duty you have to go to court.
Here are the NJ family court forms.
and here is an overview of NJ divorce laws