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Ed Johnson
Ed Johnson, Consultant
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 10760
Experience:  BS Psychology and Sociology; Military serviced provided training in familiy advocacy, UCMJ, etc.
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my daughter went to her dads last week for a holiday. they

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my daughter went to her dads last week for a holiday. they have come up with the idea that she will stay with him now. she is fourteen years old and i am very concerned about her schooling. her father refuses to give me his address. she is meant to be back home for going to school on monday i am at my wits end. i dont know if i should go to the police or not

Dear Dragonfire,


Thank you for selecting me for this highly sensative question.


do you have a legal seperation or divorce decree?


Do you and the father have a legal court order for custody?


do you have sole custody or is it joint custody?



Customer: replied 8 years ago.
we are divorced. we do not have a court order for custody. we didnt go to court. i have looked after her since we divorced and her father hasnt really bothered with her only when it suits him. i dont know what else to say. he has been violent to me in the past and when we were seperated the police were called. he has been violent to his new wife and was in court for the assault on her

Dear dragonfire,


Thank you for your additional information.


So I am assuming then joint custody in this matter.


A child of 14, sometimes wants and needs to be with the father, at least for a little while.


She needs to hear from her father that she is pretty, and that she is valuable, and a good kid. She may find herself when with you, in competition or at odds with you. this is a dynamic that often happens in parental dyads where there has been a divorce and the family is split up.


While the father may have abused you, he might not be abusing the child. this is a common dynamic. It is hard for me to believe, if she is asking and wanting to stay with him, that he is abusing her. Children know when the parent is not good for them, and will not stay with them or want to be alone with them, even if there were a custody agreement requiring it.


Now I do not think she does not want to stay with you. I think she is torn. I believe she wants to be with you, and with her father. She probably misses that in her life. So for some reason, either because the father made it easy, or even might have insisted, or because you and her had an argument recently, she made the easy choice to remain there.


You do however have a right to be concerned. You have a right to be concerned because, though she may not be in danger, his propensity for violence means that she is at risk. She may not realize she is at risk, because of her youthful mind, and youthful invincibility. (it won't happen to me like it does to mom)


That you have no address and do not know where she is, and because she is a minor, in this situation, you have a right to get the police involved. He is doing what in legal circles they call, interfering with the custody of a minor. IN your situation, you have joint custody, and he is interfering with your custody; and as a parent you are entitled to know where your daughter is, other than simply with the father.



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